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What would Gingrich do?

I've often said that I think Newt Gingrich is "special," but nowhere was that more apparent than last week, when he posted a blog/article/whatever one wants to call it, entitled, "What Would Reagan Do?"

He started his piece with this paragraph:

"Instead of criticizing President Barack Obama's lack of an effective national security policy as the terrorist threat of the Islamic State grows in Syria and Iraq, it might be helpful to imagine the speech President Ronald Reagan would have given in response to the videotaped beheading of James Foley."

Yes, and it might be helpful to ask: Santa Claus what he thinks about gay marriage rights, the Easter Bunny on what he/she/it feels about taxes, the Tooth Fairy what she thinks about abortion, and Newt's invisible friend Wife #4 why she loves Newt.

Gingrich then went on to write:

"There are many things a great power can do if it has leadership.

This fictional speech is an effort to describe a Reagan-like grand strategy, clarity of moral purpose and emphasis on effective actions. This is not a speech Ronald Reagan could have delivered in the 1980s."

...or today, since he died ten years ago, but please continue...

"We set his speech at Naval Air Station Point Mugu, near the Reagan Ranch where he would be vacationing. This was also the site of his address to the nation after the Soviet Union shot down Korean Air Lines Flight 007 in 1982 with a U.S. congressman aboard."

Interesting... I thought Newt and his ilk thought Reagan has been vacationing in heaven for the past decade. I'll be darned... Anyway, Mr. Gingrich, as you were saying...

"President Reagan entered office when the Soviet Union was the great threat. He saw Moscow as the center of evil in the world. He was determined to defeat and not merely contain the Soviet Union."

For a moment, I thought he was going to say, "If Sarah Palin were president then, she'd have seen Moscow from her house," but unfortunately, he didn't go that route. My mistake. Please continue...

"Through moral persuasion, a powerful military buildup, a grand anti-communist coalition, and an intense focus on a series of economic, diplomatic and psychological strategies, Reagan defeated the Soviet empire and it disappeared."

In thin air? Like Newt's marriages or his chance to ever win the presidency? Okay, sorry for interrupting so much.... Newt?

"This was one of the most extraordinary grand strategic achievements in history. It took enormous discipline and focus."

Besides former President's Bush's "Mission Accomplished" banner, right?

"In that era, terrorism was always a secondary or even a tertiary issue. President Reagan sought to contain and minimize terrorism with minimum diversion of attention, energy and resources from the great campaign to defeat the Soviet empire."

Fabulous... Can we get on with it please?

"So, this speech is designed to illustrate an alternate U.S. approach and strategy toward this threat if Reagan were president in today's very different world."

Or an alternate reality, considering the fact Newt will be attempting to speak for a man that hasn't been president for 25 years and hasn't been alive for ten. This should be fascinatingly delusional, I mean, interesting, or something along those lines.

"Text of (fake) Reagan's address: 

My fellow Americans:"

I have to give the man credit. Newt is off to a good start. To this point, he seriously sounds like Reagan. Let's see where he goes from here...

"We have been saddened and outraged by the vicious videotape of Islamic State terrorists beheading an American journalist. Our hearts go out to James Foley's family."

We are also frightened beyond belief to hear Ronald Reagan making a speech while not breathing in his grave.

"However, anger and sympathy are not solutions."

Dead men talking apparently is, though...

"We, the American people, must come together in a righteous determination to defend freedom and civilization from barbarism, savagery and terrorism."

...and from crazy men by the name of Newt.

"We must calmly, methodically and with the same grim determination we brought to winning World War II, implement strategies that eliminate the growing worldwide threat of radical Islamists prepared to kill us as individuals and our values as a civilization."

Kill us? Including Ronald Reagan? Perhaps Reagan is a cat, his middle name is Pussy, and he has nine lives.

"Some will suggest this exaggerates the threat from the Islamic State.

Let me remind them of some hard facts."

Let me remind Newt Gingrich of a couple of hard facts. Psst... You're not Ronald Reagan and he's so sound asleep right now, he can't talk. But, please, carry on with his speech...

"There are now an estimated 12,000 terrorists from over 50 countries in Islamic State-controlled parts of Iraq and Syria. Great Britain estimates more than 500 British citizens have joined the Islamic State. Our government estimates roughly 100 Americans are now engaged in enemy activities."

...and Newt Gingrich has joined the state of denial. I have a feeling he arrived there many years ago.

"When we remember the death and destruction 19 terrorists achieved on 9/11, we have to take very seriously the threat from more than 12,000 terrorists."

Yes, and since more people die from gun violence in this country than terrorism, we have to take very seriously the threat from more than 40 million gun owners.

"The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Martin Dempsey, has warned that the Islamic State 'has an apocalyptic end of days strategic vision that will eventually have to be defeated.'

He has expanded on the danger, saying their vision of a fundamentalist caliphate could 'fundamentally alter the face of the Middle East and create a security environment that would certain threaten us in many ways.'

Furthermore, Gen. Dempsey has warned that the Islamic State cannot be defeated only in Iraq. He asserted, 'Can they be defeated without addressing that part of the organization that resides in Syria? The answer is no.'"

Can brain cells be defeated by reading this "piece" by Newt Gingrich? I'm afraid the answer to that is yes.

"In fact the very existence of terrorists from over 50 countries means that we must be thinking in terms of a global campaign to eradicate the virus of Islamic Extremism and the spirit of terrorism and barbarism that it is fostering. This is fully as grave a threat to our survival as was Nazism or communism. With appropriate strategies and consistent policies executed energetically we can defeat and eliminate the Islamic State and its various allied factions."

Yes, it's just like Reagan said yesterday, "Attempting to speak for me - a dead man - is as grave a threat to our sanity as heroin, cocaine, or Fox News."

"The Islamic State and its worldwide terrorist allies have become the focus of evil in the modern world.

Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel warned that we must take the Islamic State seriously when he said, 'They are tremendously well funded. This is beyond anything we have seen. ...They marry ideology and a sophistication of strategic and tactical military prowess.'

They must be defeated."

Newt's article is beyond anything I've seen, well, since the time I heard Abraham Lincoln give a live speech two years ago. That was something special.

"Yet defeating terrorists and blackmailers is nothing new in American history."

...or creating terrorists before defeating them. It's a lovely little cycle we've got going on here.

"In the very first years of the new American Republic, then-Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson sent Thomas Barclay, American consul to Morocco, on May 13, 1791, a letter of instructions for a new treaty with Morocco that noted it is 'lastly our determination to prefer war in all cases to tribute under any form, and to any people whatever.'

Jefferson hated war and loved peace. He also understood that there were times when vicious opponents give peace-loving people no choice but to engage in just war. As president, he sent the Navy and Marine Corps in 1801 to the shores of Tripoli to reject blackmail, defeat piracy and establish that even a young America could project power in defense of principle and its citizens."

It's rumored that Newt Gingrich believes Ronald Reagan made a similar speech in 1801, just 110 years before he was born.

"We were saddened but not surprised by the vicious, barbaric video of the killing of James Foley. Back in January we noted that the Islamic State leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, gave a speech in which he warned America, 'Soon we'll be in direct confrontation, so watch out for us, for we are with you, watching.' They have promised to raise their black flag over the White House.

Because I take very seriously the security of the United States and believe that my highest obligation as president is to protect America, I responded to this direct challenge with a series of quiet steps."


Given Ronald Reagan's current state, I imagine these went down in the Guinness Book of World Records as the quietest steps ever taken...

"We moved intelligence assets and began monitoring potential Islamic State targets throughout Iraq and Syria.

We began re-establishing ties with both the Sunni tribes in Western Iraq and the Kurdish allies with whom America has worked for decades. 

We created an anti-Islamic-State intelligence network working with Egypt, Jordan and Saudi Arabia.

We informed the weak, chaotic government in Baghdad that defeating the Islamic State is our highest priority and we will arm, train and coordinate with them and with any effective group prepared to help defeat the Islamic State.

We moved strategic assets including B-1 and B-2 bombers into position to be prepared to respond decisively to any Islamic State outrage.

In response to the deliberately vicious and barbaric killing of James Foley, we began hitting Islamic State targets in both Syria and Iraq. In the last hour over 200 targets have been hit.

The air campaign in coordination with Kurdish, Sunni Arab and Iraqi ground forces will continue until the Islamic State disintegrates and is incapable of holding territory.

The 12,000 terrorists from over 50 countries should understand that they can surrender or we will hunt them down. Terrorists who videotape beheadings operate outside the rule of law and in the tradition of eliminating piracy they will be dealt with as outlaws.

We will coordinate with Great Britain, Egypt, Jordan and every willing partner to develop a strategy and a set of operating principles for the destruction of extremist terrorism.

When Congress returns, I will work directly with its leaders in a bipartisan effort to establish rules for protecting America and defeating this growing cancer of barbarism.

With the bipartisan help of Congress and our allies, we will pursue our campaign to destroy the Islamic State with the four principles I outlined immediately after Beirut. We will have a clear plan to win. We will develop overwhelming forces among the combined civilized world. We will report to you regularly and work every day to keep the support of the American people for the campaign to destroy terrorism. We will define clearly who the enemy is and they will have no sanctuaries.

In confronting an evil that seeks to kill us and destroy our civilization, our goal must be complete and decisive victory.

The Foley family needs your prayers in this difficult time.

America and the forces of freedom need your prayers in this daunting campaign.

Together, civilization will prevail and barbarism will return to the dustbin of history.

Thank you and good night."

"And we will snap our fingers and transform into the largest, most destructive robots known to man. We'll whistle and then be granted with the powers of Superman. We'll take Viagra and be able to multiple these destructive forces by one billion. We'll then fly ourselves to the Middle East at the speed of light and destroy the Islamic State in less time than it takes a teenage boy to get excited while watching 'Sinemax.' When all is said and done, Ronald Reagan will be so proud, he'll be speechless for the rest of eternity."

On that note, I better be going. I'm going to take Newt Gingrich to rehab.

http://www.gingrichproductions.com/2014/08/what-would-reagan-do/

Comments

  1. Love the comparison, lol, the really silly thing is that the President is doing most if not all of those things, just not with a Cowboy hat on!

    ReplyDelete

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