Skip to main content

6-year-old Tommy Piledriver becomes the latest GOP spokesperson

After writing a nearly legible letter in crayon to Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus, the RNC chairman took 6-year-old Tommy Piledriver of Ding Dong, Texas under his wing, and has turned him into the latest GOP spokesperson.

When I caught up with the RNC chairman and asked him about this development, here's what he told me:

"From the red, white, and blue crayons he used in the letter; to reasoning with a loud voice, wild gestures, emotion, and manipulation over facts, numbers, and logic; to seeing the world revolve around himself, I just knew little Tommy would make for the perfect spokesperson for the Republican Party."

Priebus was right. Not long after Tommy Piledriver was announced as a GOP spokesperson, he started making the rounds on cable news shows, Fox News in particular. The 6-year-old will even be hosting a show on Fox in the coming weeks, entitled, The World According to Tommy. If the clips I've seen are any indication, this show will rank right up there with the likes of Hannity and The O'Reilly Factor in terms of its intellect, honesty, and maturity. Here are a few of Tommy's quotes from the clips I saw:

- "Give me that cookie; it's mine! I built that!"

- "Girls are so much more stupider than boys! Like, duh!"

- "You think that toy is yours? Not anymore! Now it's mine, you moosher, musher, moocher, or whatever it is my dad always calls people!"

- "If I say the Earth is made of mac & cheese, it is! So there!"

- "Squirt guns don't kill people, you idiots!"

In light of this news, Fox News Chairman and CEO Roger Ailes said, "I think this could go down as the most intelligent, thought-provoking show ever aired on Fox!"

Since Ailes publicly said those words, fact-checker PolitiFact has researched his claim and graded it "Mostly True."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"