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Conservatives start the "All Lives Sort Of Matter" movement

In response to the Black Lives Matter movement gaining steam across the country, conservative anti-BLM activists have decided to start their own movement, called All Lives Sort Of Matter. Founder of the movement, Billy-Bob Redneck of Hickman, Nebraska, released the following statement on the group's homepage, which can be found at http://www.youmightbeahillbillyif.com:

"How dare them colored folk tell the world that their lives matter! What about everyone else? Don't all of our lives sort of matter at times? I mean, the black folk's lives mattered when they were pickin' cotton! Women's lives matter when the house gets messy after another one of those Jeff Foxworthy-used-to-be-funny bashes! Mexican lives matter when I shoot another hole in the roof with one of my twelve unlicensed guns named after the seven dwarfs! Them Indians' lives mattered until we took from them what was rightly ours back in the day - the United States of America! Homo people's lives matter to Satan! So, you see? All lives sort of matter!"

Shortly after Mr. Redneck made the announcement, the Republican National Committee (RNC) responded with this:

"While we wouldn't have publicly used some of the terminology chosen by Mr. Redneck in his statement, we're fully on board with he and the All Lives Sort Of Matter movement. Women's lives matter, but only about 79% of men's lives. Poor people's lives matter far less than the rich, but they still probably matter to someone out there in the world, and that's kind of the gist of this movement: No matter how little we at the RNC care about anyone that doesn't classify themselves as a straight, rich, white, Christian man, all lives matter to at least one person."

Black Lives Matter has since posted the following message on their homepage:

"All Lives Sort Of Matter? To us, that might as well read No Lives Really Matter, which is why we started the Black Lives Matter movement in the first place - because we felt our lives mattered far less than others in this country, and this new movement further proves our point."

In other news, Mike Huckabee has started a movement of his own, called, No Lives Matter Other Than Jesus', Well, And Kim Davis'.

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