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In the NFL preseason thus far, I've learned that...

- ...(soon to be former) Washington Redskins quarterback RG III will likely alter his name to Bob Griffin to see if his play on the field and reputation on social media will change with it.

- ..., after having his best showing since he was a Philadelphia Eagle, Pittsburgh Steelers back-up quarterback Michael Vick called fellow Virginia Tech Hokie, now starting quarterback of the Buffalo Bills, Tyrod Taylor, and said these two words with regard to starting under head coach Rex Ryan: "Good luck!"

- ...the only people who dislike Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler more than his opponents are his teammates.

- ...ESPN will orgasm for 24 consecutive hours if Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel and Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Tim Tebow start in the same week over the course of the season.

- ...players from winning teams will continue to thank God for their wins, while players from losing teams will continue to leave God out of the conversation and say they need to suck less.

- ...New England Patriots starting quarterback Tom Brady will play with big balls.

- ...New York Giants starting quarterback Eli Manning will contemplate leaving football to star as the lead actor in a Forrest Gump remake.

- ...(now former) Oakland Raiders running back Trent Richardson is likely a virgin, for he can't even see a hole 10 feet wide.

- ...Miami Dolphins defensive lineman Ndamukong Suh will get placed on the FBI's Most Wanted List by season's end due to the high quantity of close calls he's had killing people on the field.

- ...the biggest preseason bet isn't who's going to win the Super Bowl; it's what's more likely, New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin lights up a room with his smile or Philadelphia Eagles starting quarterback Sam Bradford finishes a season healthy?

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