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What I learned in Week 1 of the NFL season...

In Week 1 of the NFL season, I learned...

...Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll may one day write a parody of the Three Dog Night song, "One," where in the chorus he sings, "One is the longest yard, one is the longest yard, one is the longest yard I've ever seen."

...New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin likely called Pete Carroll up after the Giants/Cowboys game and said, "You know all the crap you got for your call at the 1-yard line in the Super Bowl? I'm about to get even more crap for my call, which was ten times dumber than yours! So, yeah, I've got that going for me, which is nice."

...it may soon be seen as patriotic to despise the New England Patriots.

...that while Jameis Winston's first throw in the NFL was a pick-six, at least he could tell himself, "It can only go up from here." Then again, the Buccaneers wound up losing to the Tennessee Titans 42-14.

...Peyton Manning may soon be asking Papa John's owner John Schnatter what the ingredients are to regaining his form from a couple years ago (this may include consuming fewer Papa John's pizzas).

...Cleveland Browns fans are already asking, "When's the NBA season start?"

..., with the way he played on Sunday, Tennessee Titans' soft-spoken rookie quarterback Marcus Mariota may tell the press, "This was a great team effort," but deep down inside, he's saying, "I'm so f**king awesome!"

...the Oakland Raiders are bound to become the Chicago Cubs of the NFL (pre-Joe Maddon), as analysts continually project them to be improved and a sleeper, before quickly uttering after the season starts, "Eh, maybe next year."

...God likely punished Chip Kelly for cutting Tim Tebow.

...more missed extra points makes the games so much more exciting.

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