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Defending the mustache

My girlfriend and I got into a discussion about this a couple weeks ago. It's something I've wondered about for some time. While I've never sported just a mustache myself, I did go the way of the goatee several years ago for a little while. I honestly don't have strong feelings one way or the other. Whatever one wants to do in terms of facial hair is their call. But, what is it with this alleged link between mustaches and perverts/pedophiles/molesters? I've heard or read about it on a number of occasions - someone saying that another looks like a pervert/pedophile/molester. I ask why and they respond with, "Did you see that guy's mustache?" Yeah... So...?

Wasn't there a time when mustaches were seen as cool, even sexy? Clark Gable and Burt Reynolds of yesteryear? Johnny Depp more recently? So, what happened?

Now, as unfair as it is, I have a hard time seeing anyone successfully pulling off the Hitler mustache again. Michael Jordan gave it a whirl in a Hanes commercial and not even that guy could do it. Sorry, Michael. But, what about mustaches in general? Does a majority of people hold such silly, probably inaccurate negative connotations between a physical trait or attribute and a personality defect? ...such as the following?

Mustache - pervert

Beard - lazy

Goatee - indecisive

Long hair - stoner

Buzz-cut - Sinead O'Conner wannabe

Sideburns - 44 going on 45 and pretending to be going on 24

Tattoos - a person weening himself/herself off a heroin addiction

Piercings - nymphomaniac (obsessed with holes)

Bushy eyebrows - applying for a job at 60 Minutes



Big feet - big shoes

Yeah, some of those may be funny and the last of the ten is likely accurate (unless the person is a masochist), but does that make the other nine in any way accurate? No, not really. Just because one lazy person sports a beard doesn't mean that all beard-sporting gentlemen (or women) are lazy. Just because one pervert has a mustache doesn't mean mustache-sporting males (or females) should be seen as perverts. If so, I'd suggest the following actors get together to make a movie all sporting mustaches they've displayed in previous films: Brad Pitt, Tom Selleck, Eddie Murphy, Johnny Depp, Burt Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, Daniel Day-Lewis, Will Ferrell, James Franco, and George Clooney. The film could be a comedy, entitled, Bringing Back the Stache or Guys Gone Wild: Mustache Edition. Yeah, be getting to work on that. You're welcome, Hollywood.
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