The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

As most people have heard by now, in an interview with MSNBC's Chris Matthews, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump said women who undergo an abortion should receive "some sort of punishment," before later recanting that statement. While I was unsurprised by Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders criticizing Trump for his comments, I found it quite humorous to hear GOP candidates Ted Cruz and John Kasich do so, as they responded with the following quotes: - "Once again Donald Trump has demonstrated that he hasn't seriously thought through the issues, and he'll say anything just to get attention. On the important issue of the sanctity of life, what's far too often neglected is that being pro-life is not simply about the unborn child; it's also about the mother - and creating a culture that respects her and embraces life. Of course we shouldn't be talking about punishing women; we should affirm their dignity and the incredible gif...

As has been typical of late, I had a blast with a Donald Trump-affiliated trending hashtag yesterday, #TrumpSuperpowers. Here are my tweets, ordered from most to least popular (https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Bashing gay marriage & immigrants after being married three times, twice to immigrants, all while keeping a straight face #TrumpSuperpowers 254 Likes, 121 Retweets 2) Not inciting violence while telling supporters to beat the crap out of someone #TrumpSuperpowers 60 Likes, 33 Retweets 3) Supposedly telling it like it is while lying 92% of the time #TrumpSuperpowers 46 Likes, 27 Retweets 4) Making Forrest Gump sound like Albert Einstein #TrumpSuperpowers 37 Likes, 12 Retweets 5) Proving that simply saying one's "Christian" is about as worthwhile as saying you're a water buffalo #TrumpSuperpowers 22 Likes, 8 Retweets 6) Making the quite conservative John Kasich come across as a moderate #TrumpSuperpowers 21 Likes, 8 Retweets 6)...

Due to the numerous tweets I posted yesterday on the trending hashtag #TrumpSuperpowers, my Twitter account was quite abuzz (https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki). This was especially the case with regard to the following tweet: "Bashing gay marriage & immigrants after being married three times, twice to immigrants, all while keeping a straight face #TrumpSuperpowers" While I received hundreds of "likes" and "retweets" in response to this tweet, I also received a handful of negative comments, such as these: - "yur a special level of stupid, arent u? (expletive expletive expletive)" - "There's a huge difference between legal and illegal immigrants, or are you to stupid to know that?" - "Did you forget to use the word 'illegal'?" - "Hey, sh*t fer brains, it's illegal immigrants!" - "At least this man has convictions and is trying to do something!" I didn't bicker with the...

"When I said that I'd be faithful When I promised I'd be true When I swore I could never Be with anyone but you When I told you that I loved you With those tender words I spoke I was only kidding Now, can't you take a joke?" Those were some of the words to Weird Al Yankovic's song, "I Was Only Kidding," from which Donald Trump appears to be taking his cue. In a recent interview with Wisconsin Fox affiliate WLUK, the GOP frontrunner defended his long (and continuing) history of sexist comments, saying, "Well, number one, I'm no different than anybody else, and people joke, and I joke." He added, "And I never knew I was going to be running for office. And you joke, and you kid and say things, but you're not a politician so you never think anybody cares." Lastly, he said: "Much of that I said in jest, much of that I said - although with the Fox debate, I didn't say that in jest at all. I said that 10...

Here's the URL to my Facebook business page. I update it fairly regularly, but still haven't put forth a great deal of effort yet in researching matters and attempting to make the most out of it. In any case, it can be perused here: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki?ref=hl Up next is my Twitter page. I'm still not 100% certain what I'm doing on there yet, but feel I'm gradually getting the hang of it and am up to 35,050 followers. I update it daily with many of my own tweets, but also by retweeting some others'. It can be found here: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki Lastly, here's my Tumblr page, which I've neglected quite a bit recently, but if you're at all curious, you can find it at the following link: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/rozzy81

For new readers (and regular ones, I suppose), here's some information pertaining to my books. All twelve of my books can be purchased in paperback form at the following site (and others): http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?type=&keyWords=craig+rozniecki&x=7&y=5&sitesearch=lulu.com&q= The ten books I've written and released in the past 4 years (yes, I've been on a roll) can be purchased for much cheaper in Kindle form at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_22?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig%20rozniecki%20kindle&sprefix=craig+rozniecki+kindle%2Caps%2C228&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Acraig%20rozniecki%20kindle

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan recently posted this message on his Twitter account: "I used to give up food, like beer or ice cream, for #Lent. But this year, I decided to give up something different." He then elaborated on the matter in a video, saying, "I used to give up food things, I used to give up, you know, beer, or ice cream or pop. Typically what I do is don't pick those things back up. Ice cream and beer I still have a little bit, but I've given up so many things over the years, food-wise, that I decided to witch my Lenten vows to character deficiencies, or problems I've had." He then specified by saying he was giving up anxiety and impatience this year. Upon hearing this, Lindsay Holmes of the Huffington Post  criticized Speaker Ryan: "The more people conflate mental health terms with colloquialisms, the more alienated individuals with mental illness will feel. Do you know how many of those 40 million Americans wish they could jus...

As has increasingly been the case over the past couple weeks, I made the most of a trending Trump hashtag over the weekend. This time it was #TrumpTributeBands. Given my love for music and my dislike for Trump, I knew the hashtag and I would be a match made in heaven. Sadly, the hashtag didn't trend for very long, which resulted in fewer retweets than I would have liked, but I had fun with it nonetheless. Here now is a list of those very tweets, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be seen at this link: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Cheap Prick #TrumpTributeBands 45 Likes, 10 Retweets 2) Limp Dickhead #TrumpTributeBands 24 Likes, 6 Retweets 3) Guns N' Psychosis #TrumpTributeBands 20 Likes, 9 Retweets 4) The Artist Presently Known as Douche #TrumpTributeBands 19 Likes, 5 Retweets 5) The Mamas, the Papas, & the Daughters the Papas Wanna Bang #TrumpTributeBands 13 Likes, 7 Retweets 6) Simplest Minds #TrumpTributeBands ...

For as crazy as this primary season has been in the Republican Party, I thought I'd have a little fun with it. Here now is a list of all 17 GOP candidates who ran for the party's nomination at some point or another in the past few months and how I envision them writing personal ads. Jeb Bush : "If there's one word I'd use to describe myself, which no one else would agree with, it'd be 'full of energy.' I mean, my name might be Jeb, but I prefer to go by Jeb!, if that tells you anything. What else? What else? You see? I'm so full of energy, I can't think of anything else to tell you about myself or what I enjoy doing for fun. I suppose I like long walks on the beach, but, only when I feel up for it, which is never. Well, if this never-been-experienced-before level of energy interests you and you wanna hear a guy say 'That's what she said' after enthusiastically screaming my first name, give me a call. I guarantee you this Bush is be...

Haven't we all, to some degree or another, missed former Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's insanely hilarious quotes? I know I have. Well, fear not, for she's provided us with another gem, courtesy of her WorldNetDaily (AKA Conspiracy Nuts Forever) article, "Obama Enjoys Cuba While Civilization Burns": "Or maybe our president's humiliation comes in a manner so devastating it makes one wonder whether the Creator of humankind isn't reminding this world of the inferiority of foolishness in the face of wisdom..." First off, who would want to believe in a God that kills 31 people and injures hundreds others in order to humiliate a country's leader? Secondly, how can Ms. Bachmann and her ilk continue to cherry-pick like this? Bachmann: "Well, the Brussels terror attacks happened under Obama's watch, so maybe God's trying to humiliate the president!" Using her logic, we could respond with the following: - ...

It's long been known that Fox News likes the Clintons about as much as turkeys like Thanksgiving, but they've been even more ridiculous than usual of late when it comes to their Hillary Clinton-critique. Following Secretary Clinton's primaries' victory speech on March 15th, Fox's Brit Hume posted these tweets: - "Hillary having a big night in the primaries. So she's shouting angrily in her victory speech. Supporters loving it. What's she mad at?" - "Madam, did you not notice the expression on her face? Stern, angry, joyless..." Not to be outdone, Howard Kurtz and Dana Perino joined in on the fun, posting the following tweets: Kurtz: "Hillary shouting her speech. She has the floor; a more conversational tone might be better for connecting with folks at home." Perino: "It is so strange to hear these inspiring words in such an angry tones. #confused #whyisshemad" Then, just today, I read about Fox guest Moni...

Due to the tragic ISIS attacks in Brussels, Belgium, politicians have been making the rounds on talk shows, providing their two cents on how to better combat terrorism. While many on the left have blamed discriminatory laws and many on the right have blamed refugees, former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani decided to go a different route, saying the following as a guest on The O'Reilly Factor : "She (Hillary Clinton) helped create ISIS. Hillary Clinton could be considered a founding member of ISIS. ... By being part of an administration that withdrew from Iraq. By being part of an administration that let [former Prime Minister Nouri al-] Maliki run Iraq into the ground, so you forced the Shiites to make a choice. By not intervening in Syria at the proper time. By being part of an administration that drew 12 lines in the sand and made a joke out of it." The problem with the mayor's argument is the concept of time. Let me provide him a basic timeline of relevant ev...

I recently read an article by Steven Skeldon, entitled, "This Is Not My Republican Party," and felt the need to respond to it. The article starts with this: "An Open Letter to America My fellow Americans, As a Republican, I'm sorry. We have failed you, as a party, and as individuals. We didn't see this coming, and we absolutely should have. We should have been able to see what the instigators of frustration and outrage were fomenting within our base. We should have understood the implications of the last eight years, the rise of the Tea Party, and that its foundational frustration and obstinacy towards progress would lead to a monster of our own creation. We didn't, and now it's here. But please believe me when I tell you that it is not what we stand for as a party, no matter how it may seem on the surface. This is not what I was raised to be a part of, and it embarrasses me to see what our public face has become today." I'm sensing...

On March 14th, the NFL finally came forward in admitting the link between playing football and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), as, when asked by Representative Jan Schakowsky (D-IL) if there was such a link, NFL senior vice president for health and safety, Jeff Miller, responded by saying, "The answer to that question is certainly yes." Not everyone's on board with this admission, however. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, during a speech he gave at the NFL owners meetings in Boca Raton, Florida on Tuesday, said the following about the matter: "We don't have that knowledge and background, and scientifically, so there's no way in the world to say you have a relationship relative to anything here. There's no research. There's no data. ... We're not disagreeing. We're just basically saying the same thing. We're doing a lot more. It's the kind of thing that you want to work ... to prevent injury." When asked if he believ...

As I mentioned the other day, I had fun with the trending hashtag #SaferThanATrumpRally, and just discovered I was mentioned on a pair of websites as a result: http://firsttoknow.com/photos-saferthanatrumprally-sweeps-internet-with-hilariously-creative-suggestions/ http://www.unityprogressiveparty.us/2016/03/22/here-are-20-things-the-internet-says-are-%E2%80%AA%E2%80%8Esaferthanatrumprally%E2%80%AC/ To follow me and check out more of my tweets, just go to the following link and, yes, click follow : https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

After arguably the most grueling primary season in American history, conservative Christian Republican voters have decided to go with Satan as their party's nominee for November's presidential election. According to most polls, the turning point in Satan's campaign was when he gave the following speech on national television to a group of Hickman, Nebraska elementary school students: "Don't believe a word your parents, teachers, police officers, politicians, and other authority figures ever told you. 'Heal the world?' No, screw the world! 'Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you?' Do for yourself and forget all others! 'Thou shalt not steal?' Stealing is what made this country! 'Love trumps hate?' Trust no one; hate everyone! Do everything in your power to humiliate and punish the weak! When they're down, kick them even harder! So destroy what's left of your conscience! Be the ultimate master of the universe! Rule...

Sipping on his fourth mojito and having his feet rubbed by Sean Hannity, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell took a short break from his busy morning in Cancun to speak with reporters. Given his inebriated status, the Kentucky senator was only able to take one question. Jorge Ramos: "What do you say to the taxpayers who claim you and your Congressional brethren aren't truly earning your $174,000 salaries? That you do so little for so much, are taking advantage of hard-working Americans, are moochers in a sense, and would be fired if you put so little effort into any other job?" McConnell: "F**k you! That's what I say! Just kidding... Hey, Jose, or whatever your name is, can you get me another one of these? Make it strong this time! Where was I? Could you repeat the question, Jose?" Ramos: "That's Jorge..." McConnell: "That's what I said, Jose." Ramos: "Jorge... Nevermind... The question was, 'What do you say ...

When I saw the trending hashtag #SaferThanATrumpRally on Twitter yesterday, my eyes largened, I licked my chops, and was ready to let my crazy (in a good way, of course) mind get to work! Here are the many such tweets I posted over the course of the past 24 hours, listed from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) An alien invasion led by Florida Governor Rick Scott #SaferThanATrumpRally 38 Likes, 16 Retweets 2) Wearing a Black Lives Matter shirt at a KKK rally #SaferThanATrumpRally #NevermindThatIsATrumpRally 33 Likes, 17 Retweets 3) Turning right at the Indy 500 #SaferThanATrumpRally 37 Likes, 12 Retweets 4) Fact-checking your spouse during a heated debate #SaferThanATrumpRally 31 Likes, 12 Retweets 5) Singing Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" to your fiancè/fiancèe in the company of his/her parents, both of whom are pastors #SaferThanATrumpRally 27 Likes, 15 Retweets 6) Taking a bull by th...

Here's the URL to my Facebook business page. I update it fairly regularly, but still haven't put forth a great deal of effort yet in researching matters and attempting to make the most out of it. In any case, it can be perused here: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki?ref=hl Up next is my Twitter page. I'm still not 100% certain what I'm doing on there yet, but feel I'm gradually getting the hang of it and am up to 34,761 followers. I update it daily with many of my own tweets, but also by retweeting some others'. It can be found here: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki Lastly, here's my Tumblr page, which I've neglected quite a bit recently, but if you're at all curious, you can find it at the following link: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/rozzy81

For new readers (and regular ones, I suppose), here's some information pertaining to my books. All twelve of my books can be purchased in paperback form at the following site (and others): http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?type=&keyWords=craig+rozniecki&x=7&y=5&sitesearch=lulu.com&q= The ten books I've written and released in the past 4 years (yes, I've been on a roll) can be purchased for much cheaper in Kindle form at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_22?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig%20rozniecki%20kindle&sprefix=craig+rozniecki+kindle%2Caps%2C228&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Acraig%20rozniecki%20kindle

As I've had to go through some health ordeals to start the new year, I've had more free time on my hands to sit down, (try to) relax, and take a peek at several new shows. Here's a brief rundown of what I've been watching and what I think about the shows thus far: Angie Tribeca (A+): This is my favorite new sitcom. It's the best parody series I've seen since... :: ponders ::... I can't even remember when! If you love  The Naked Gun as much as I do, be sure to check out this TBS gem! Rashida Jones is this generation's Frank Drebin, with bangs, and a few other differences. Besides that, they're like twins or something... Baskets (C): Zach Galifianakis stars as a clown in this FX dramedy. Week to week, I have a difficult time deciding whether I like it and should continue watching or give up on the series. The show is often dark and somewhat interesting, perhaps simply due to its unusual premise, but the chuckles are typically few and far between, a...