Skip to main content

Trump focuses on himself during friend's eulogy

"My friend asked me a long, long time ago to give his eulogy when he passed, so that's why I'm here today. I loved my friend. We all did; I mean, that's why we're here, right? Yeah, so my friend, uh, whatever his name was, let me tell you why this guy wanted me to speak to all of you about him today. The fact of the matter is, I'm the world's best speaker. If you want a great eulogy, I'll give the best one - guaranteed! That's just how it is, folks. I know the best words; I don't hold back from saying these words; and I tie them together almost like that poet Alan Alda Poe, where it becomes like a thing of beauty. My eulogy may not be as beautiful as my daughter Ivanka, but like her, if I weren't the eulogy's father, I'd want to bang it too. I saw everyone's reaction right there. You all got goosebumps right then, didn't you? You see? I always seem to affect people with what I say. I remember one time I was talking to some kindergarteners about Trump Vodka and you should have seen the looks on these kids' faces. One little boy said, 'I'm telling my mom on you!' A little girl screamed. The teacher threw an apple at my head. We were all having such a good time, such a good time. Speaking of Trump Vodka, have any of you ever tried that stuff? Two words - one of a kind! Fantastic! Frickin' incredible! Hey, you know what else is incredible? How much money I have. Anyway, back to my friend... He liked me, I mean, a lot. You should have heard him at parties. He just wouldn't stop talking about me. Donald this, Trump that, awesome, most smartest person ever, blah blah blah. There were times I'd feel the need to cut him off just to get a word in about myself, if you can believe that. I've gotta tell you, I'm gonna miss hearing the guy talk about me. I'm gonna miss seeing him wear that shirt I designed for him for his birthday; you know the one - the one with my picture on it and the words 'He's better than all you!'? So, like, yeah. The end. Didn't I tell you I give the best eulogies? God, I'm good!"
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Another look at "The Nightly Show" with Larry Wilmore

After its first week, I gave The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore a B+ grade. While I didn't think the show appeared to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I also liked the Daily Show  meets Politically Incorrect vibe I got from it, and thought, with the proper adjustments, the show would indeed provide a great fill-in for The Colbert Report . In the show's succeeding weeks, however, I've been less impressed by it and think that if it doesn't make certain adjustments, it could be in jeopardy of losing many long-time viewers of the show's time slot. One major issue I think the show's had to this point is a lack of direction. It's been unable to decide whether it wants to be a comedy show with serious conversation sprinkled in or a serious show with comedy sprinkled in. It's almost as if the show's writers want to give The Nightly Show a Real Time with Bill Maher feel. The problem with that idea or format is the fact Real Time is an hour lon...
Post a Comment
Read more

My first book review of "Penetrating the Heart of Life: Ambiguous In Thought, Ambivalent In Feeling"

Well, I received my first book review on this poetry-compilation book I completed and published late last year, but have finally gotten around to marketing now. The reviewer gave it 5 out of 5 stars and said: "I enjoyed the poetic journey the writer has taken me on. From darkest days and hopeful optimism to the conclusion of hope realized. The visual images that the poem titled "Room Temperature" elicits, made me think of the song, "Horse With No Name" sung by the band America. In a similar manner, another poem – "Deafening Sigh-lence" reminded me a great deal of Simon & Garfunkel’s song, "The Sound of Silence". There are so many poems in this book that I related to, that I felt a connection to the author and felt that we were traveling on this journey together." http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/penetrating-the-heart-of-life-ambiguous-in-thought-ambivalent-in-feeling/paperback/product-18677501.html
Post a Comment
Read more

A closer look at the Scramble With Friends power-ups

I am unashamed to admit that I'm a nerd. My idea of a good time is playing a word game like Boggle or Scrabble. Thankfully, I (and many others) can play such games via Facebook and/or my (our) cell phone(s). While it seems that cheating has become more commonplace in these games (Words With Friends in particular) than San Diego has had nice weather, I've yet to give in to that craze. One element present with the game Scramble With Friends (Boggle) not present in Words With Friends (Scrabble) are legal boosts called "power-ups," which cost a number of tokens from the 15 available. I've now tried all five power-ups, including the latest one which costs money. So, in case anyone's curious about playing the game or giving these power-ups a gander, here's a rundown of them all: Freeze - I think this is probably my favorite of all the power-ups. With the freeze, time stands still for a matter of seconds, which allows you more time to find words and improve...
Post a Comment
Read more