As has been typical of late, I had a blast with a Donald Trump-affiliated trending hashtag yesterday, #TrumpSuperpowers. Here are my tweets, ordered from most to least popular (https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) Bashing gay marriage & immigrants after being married three times, twice to immigrants, all while keeping a straight face
#TrumpSuperpowers
254 Likes, 121 Retweets
2) Not inciting violence while telling supporters to beat the crap out of someone
#TrumpSuperpowers
60 Likes, 33 Retweets
3) Supposedly telling it like it is while lying 92% of the time
#TrumpSuperpowers
46 Likes, 27 Retweets
4) Making Forrest Gump sound like Albert Einstein
#TrumpSuperpowers
37 Likes, 12 Retweets
5) Proving that simply saying one's "Christian" is about as worthwhile as saying you're a water buffalo
#TrumpSuperpowers
22 Likes, 8 Retweets
6) Making the quite conservative John Kasich come across as a moderate
#TrumpSuperpowers
21 Likes, 8 Retweets
6) Completely self-funding his campaign while continually asking for donations
#TrumpSuperpowers
21 Likes, 8 Retweets
8) Controlling our borders while having trouble controlling his rallies
#TrumpSuperpowers
18 Likes, 10 Retweets
9) Requiring elementary schools nationwide to provide the course, "Manners & Maturity 101: How to Behave Better Than Trump"
#TrumpSuperpowers
16 Likes, 9 Retweets
10) Dissuading high school students from orange self-tanning before prom, even when the theme is Oompa Loompa
#TrumpSuperpowers
19 Likes, 5 Retweets
11) Making 99% of creepy old men come across as perfect gentlemen due to their creepiness paling in comparison to his
#TrumpSuperpowers
16 Likes, 6 Retweets
11) Changing the famous FDR quote to, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, oh, and reporters with pens."
#TrumpSuperpowers
17 Likes, 5 Retweets
13) Inspiring Mormons & Muslims to come together & start a bar chain, "We'd Rather Get Sh*tfaced Than See Trump As President"
#TrumpSuperpowers
15 Likes, 6 Retweets
14) Convincing many it's perfectly sensible to elect a man in need of anger management classes to be leader of the free world
#TrumpSuperpowers
9 Likes, 10 Retweets
14) Leading the Republican Party to alter its symbol from an elephant to Keyser Söze ("...and like that, the party's gone...")
#TrumpSuperpowers
15 Likes, 4 Retweets
16) Prompting fact-checking to become the fastest growing job in the country
#TrumpSuperpowers
14 Likes, 4 Retweets
16) Promising to bring the country together while tearing his party apart
#TrumpSuperpowers
17 Likes, 1 Retweet
18) Making the likes of Lincoln, Roosevelt, & Eisenhower scream so loud in their graves, it registers 9.7 on the Richter scale
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 4 Retweets
18) Prompting spelling bee champions to nod in agreement when being told, "You can't spell 'crazy' without 'Trump'."
#TrumpSuperpowers
16 Likes, 1 Retweet
20) Convincing supporters President Obama is addicted to teleprompters while reading this claim via a teleprompter
#TrumpSuperpowers
9 Likes, 7 Retweets
20) Proving the film "Idiocracy" was a prophecy
#TrumpSuperpowers
12 Likes, 4 Retweets
20) Proving Hooked on Phonics didn't work for everyone
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 3 Retweets
20) Making Megyn Kelly appear to be a halfway respectable journalist
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 3 Retweets
20) Bringing this ever-divided country together to make sure he doesn't become president
#TrumpSuperpowers
14 Likes, 2 Retweets
25) Bringing life to the new phrase, "You give me a fact, I'll give you a lawsuit."
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 5 Retweets
25) Providing crazy uncles hope that they can one day become president
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
25) Giving hope to kids on the school debate team who don't know the meaning of the word study
#TrumpSuperpowers
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
28) Convincing supporters he cherishes women while blaming women for the bruises men gave them
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 10 Retweets
28) When asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" inspiring kids to say, "A bully dressed up as the Syracuse mascot!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 4 Retweets
28) Convincing multiple journalists that "some guy I know" is a credible source
#TrumpSuperpowers
11 Likes, 3 Retweets
28) Leading more people to believe aliens are currently in control, as they run the reality show, "Punking America"
#TrumpSuperpowers
12 Likes, 2 Retweets
28) In addition to tornado/fire drills, forcing schools to run Trump drills since Trump is more dangerous than tornadoes/fires
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
33) Being all about integrity, as he retweets white supremacists & shouts at other men, "My wife's hotter than yours!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 5 Retweets
33) Leading all other countries' leaders to rename the USA WTFUSA if he becomes president
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
33) Prompting both Canada & Mexico to build "big beautiful" walls along their borders if he wins the election
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
33) Magically linking facts with stupidity and debunked opinions with sheer, utter genius
#TrumpSuperpowers
11 Likes, 2 Retweets
33) Exuding a great deal of confidence while providing half-answers to questions he was never asked in the first place
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
38) Protecting First Amendment rights while temporarily barring Muslims from entering this country
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 6 Retweets
38) Making newborns' parents wonder if their child is going to be a giant due to the size of his/her hands compared to Trump's
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 4 Retweets
38) Building a big beautiful wall without spending any money
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 4 Retweets
38) Prompting Santa Claus to come to life, point at Trump, and say, "You actually believe this sh*t?"
#TrumpSuperpowers
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
42) Making America grate again while claiming he's going to make it great
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 4 Retweets
42) Deporting illegal immigrants while they work for him in this country
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Prompting D.A.R.E. instructors to begin their sessions by saying, "Say no to drugs, but more importantly, say no to Trump"
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Tempting Jesus to come again to vote against him
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Inspiring the authors of dictionaries to add the term "nucking futs" with his picture beside it
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Prompting parental protests, as their kids refuse being grounded, saying, "Why? Trump said that & didn't get in trouble!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
42) Persuading millions that while America is already great, he'll make it great again, even though Obama ruined it
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
42) Prompting PC-haters to form the club, "Maybe That Political Correctness Thing Ain't So Bad After All"
#TrumpSuperpowers
11 Likes, 0 Retweets
50) Manages to give all Critical Thinking professors an average of 2.7 migraines every day
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 3 Retweets
50) Prompting mimes to continuously yell, "STFU!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
52) Making a $1 million loan sound smaller than his hands
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 3 Retweets
52) Leading well-renowned meteorologists to incessantly prepare us for the storm of the century: Hurricane Trump.
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 2 Retweets
52) Making NRA members believe that the pen is literally mightier than the sword (gun) & to fight for stricter pen regulations
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 2 Retweets
52) Making Puppy Monkey Baby come across as halfway sane
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
56) Proving Carlin's "Hippy Dippy Weatherman" was a psychic vision of Trump's climate-change views (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1uaw3WIOlc …)
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 3 Retweets
56) Garnering a person's support after comparing him to a child molester
#TrumpSuperpowers #ActuallyThatOneIsTrue
6 Likes, 2 Retweets
56) Leading Donald Duck to change his name from Donald Duck to Fu*ka Duck
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 2 Retweets
56) Leap-frogging snakes, public speaking, & death atop the Americans-greatest-fears leaderboard without any effort whatsoever
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
56) Causing a worldwide anxiety-epidemic at the mere mention of his name
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
56) Making National Pumpkin Day a year-round holiday
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 0 Retweets
62) Inspiring the new hit game "Lie or Dare"
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) Causing Lady Liberty to permanently facepalm herself at the mere thought of him winning the election
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) Turning Lindsey Graham into a comedian (http://www.salon.com/2016/03/24/comedy_central_hire_lindsey_graham_the_trash_talking_senator_upstages_trevor_noah_with_unflappable_ease/ …)
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
62) Forcing GOPers into denial as he provides a reflection of the modern-day GOP in a caricatured fashion
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
62) Calling the First Lady, Mother Theresa, Lady Liberty, & Princess Fiona "sexist b**ches" and seeing his poll numbers rise
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
62) Attempting to persuade fact-checkers that 2 + 2 = something other than 4
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
62) Making David Duke blush with his comments about race
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
62) Making official birth certificates as worthless as the Bridge to Nowhere
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
70) Spewing crap out of his mouth without even trying
#TrumpSuperpowers #WaitHeAlreadyDoesThat
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Making Fox News appear fair and balanced a record-tying two times every week
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Loudly declaring, "I built that!" after being handed $1 million by his father
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Transforming a best friend's eulogy into an autobiography
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Prompting R.E.M. to alter their lyrics to, "It's the end of the world as we know and I no longer feel fine"
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Shooting orange blanks
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Prompting dogs, coyotes, and Wolf Blitzer to howl whenever he speaks
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Sounding like he normally does when breaking the world record for number of times uttering the word "big" in a single day
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Making John Boehner appear tan
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Making up a word that rhymes with orange
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Making God question his creation, as he says, "Why in the Sam Hill didn't I take 8 or 9 days instead?"
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Inspiring the new story, "Trumpty Dumpty Sat On a Lie"
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
82) Making every announcer look bad as he says, "Watch the video. Does my manager grab her arm? Yes, no, maybe, I don't know."
#TrumpSuperpowers
3 Likes, 2 Retweets
82) Leading a wave of supporters to name their next child "2 Corinthians"
#TrumpSuperpowers
3 Likes, 2 Retweets
82) Decreasing teenage pregnancy via schools requiring sex ed teachers to hand out free Trump calendars to every student
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Inspiring motivational speakers to give the speech, "You Can Do It W/a Very Very Small Loan of $1 Million From Your Daddy"
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Backpedaling so much he puts Michael Jackson's moonwalk to shame
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Convincing supporters that 69 is the new 5
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Prompting Jesus to start filming the movie, "While All Dogs Go To Heaven, Not All Donald's Do"
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
82) Prompting fathers to, in addition to the birds & the bees talk, engage in the incest-free discussion with their daughters
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Confounding parents around Christmas, as when asked what they want, their kids respond, "A pet Trump-hair!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 2 Retweets
90) Persuading 41% of the public via a book he wrote that he was the main inspiration behind the character Neo in "The Matrix"
#TrumpSuperpowers
3 Likes, 1 Retweet
90) Giving meaning to the phrase vagueness trumps specifics
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Simultaneously loving a group of people & making them come across like a disease: "I have a serious case of 'the blacks'."
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Making Pinocchio's nose appear invisible to the naked eye in comparison to his
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
95) Getting zoos to place bids on the animal covering his head, for the exhibit, "Unsolved Mysteries in the Animal Kingdom"
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 1 Retweet
95) Prompting Marty McFly and Doc Brown to travel back in time to forever traumatize Trump via Biff in a hoverboard race
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 1 Retweet
97) Inspiring millions to, when called out on their slip-ups, respond with, "I was just joking!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
97) Making the Grim Reaper squirm at the thought of his presidency
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
99) Proving that the scientists who conducted the experiment of forming a hybrid of the Joker & Dr. Evil were high at the time
#TrumpSuperpowers
1 Like, 0 Retweets
99) Trying to put the "fun" in "prejudice" when none exists
#TrumpSuperpowers
1 Like, 0 Retweets
Totals: 1,179 Likes, 436 Retweets (Average of 11.8 Likes, 4.4 Retweets)
1) Bashing gay marriage & immigrants after being married three times, twice to immigrants, all while keeping a straight face
#TrumpSuperpowers
254 Likes, 121 Retweets
2) Not inciting violence while telling supporters to beat the crap out of someone
#TrumpSuperpowers
60 Likes, 33 Retweets
3) Supposedly telling it like it is while lying 92% of the time
#TrumpSuperpowers
46 Likes, 27 Retweets
4) Making Forrest Gump sound like Albert Einstein
#TrumpSuperpowers
37 Likes, 12 Retweets
5) Proving that simply saying one's "Christian" is about as worthwhile as saying you're a water buffalo
#TrumpSuperpowers
22 Likes, 8 Retweets
6) Making the quite conservative John Kasich come across as a moderate
#TrumpSuperpowers
21 Likes, 8 Retweets
6) Completely self-funding his campaign while continually asking for donations
#TrumpSuperpowers
21 Likes, 8 Retweets
8) Controlling our borders while having trouble controlling his rallies
#TrumpSuperpowers
18 Likes, 10 Retweets
9) Requiring elementary schools nationwide to provide the course, "Manners & Maturity 101: How to Behave Better Than Trump"
#TrumpSuperpowers
16 Likes, 9 Retweets
10) Dissuading high school students from orange self-tanning before prom, even when the theme is Oompa Loompa
#TrumpSuperpowers
19 Likes, 5 Retweets
11) Making 99% of creepy old men come across as perfect gentlemen due to their creepiness paling in comparison to his
#TrumpSuperpowers
16 Likes, 6 Retweets
11) Changing the famous FDR quote to, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, oh, and reporters with pens."
#TrumpSuperpowers
17 Likes, 5 Retweets
13) Inspiring Mormons & Muslims to come together & start a bar chain, "We'd Rather Get Sh*tfaced Than See Trump As President"
#TrumpSuperpowers
15 Likes, 6 Retweets
14) Convincing many it's perfectly sensible to elect a man in need of anger management classes to be leader of the free world
#TrumpSuperpowers
9 Likes, 10 Retweets
14) Leading the Republican Party to alter its symbol from an elephant to Keyser Söze ("...and like that, the party's gone...")
#TrumpSuperpowers
15 Likes, 4 Retweets
16) Prompting fact-checking to become the fastest growing job in the country
#TrumpSuperpowers
14 Likes, 4 Retweets
16) Promising to bring the country together while tearing his party apart
#TrumpSuperpowers
17 Likes, 1 Retweet
18) Making the likes of Lincoln, Roosevelt, & Eisenhower scream so loud in their graves, it registers 9.7 on the Richter scale
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 4 Retweets
18) Prompting spelling bee champions to nod in agreement when being told, "You can't spell 'crazy' without 'Trump'."
#TrumpSuperpowers
16 Likes, 1 Retweet
20) Convincing supporters President Obama is addicted to teleprompters while reading this claim via a teleprompter
#TrumpSuperpowers
9 Likes, 7 Retweets
20) Proving the film "Idiocracy" was a prophecy
#TrumpSuperpowers
12 Likes, 4 Retweets
20) Proving Hooked on Phonics didn't work for everyone
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 3 Retweets
20) Making Megyn Kelly appear to be a halfway respectable journalist
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 3 Retweets
20) Bringing this ever-divided country together to make sure he doesn't become president
#TrumpSuperpowers
14 Likes, 2 Retweets
25) Bringing life to the new phrase, "You give me a fact, I'll give you a lawsuit."
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 5 Retweets
25) Providing crazy uncles hope that they can one day become president
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
25) Giving hope to kids on the school debate team who don't know the meaning of the word study
#TrumpSuperpowers
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
28) Convincing supporters he cherishes women while blaming women for the bruises men gave them
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 10 Retweets
28) When asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" inspiring kids to say, "A bully dressed up as the Syracuse mascot!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 4 Retweets
28) Convincing multiple journalists that "some guy I know" is a credible source
#TrumpSuperpowers
11 Likes, 3 Retweets
28) Leading more people to believe aliens are currently in control, as they run the reality show, "Punking America"
#TrumpSuperpowers
12 Likes, 2 Retweets
28) In addition to tornado/fire drills, forcing schools to run Trump drills since Trump is more dangerous than tornadoes/fires
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
33) Being all about integrity, as he retweets white supremacists & shouts at other men, "My wife's hotter than yours!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 5 Retweets
33) Leading all other countries' leaders to rename the USA WTFUSA if he becomes president
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
33) Prompting both Canada & Mexico to build "big beautiful" walls along their borders if he wins the election
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
33) Magically linking facts with stupidity and debunked opinions with sheer, utter genius
#TrumpSuperpowers
11 Likes, 2 Retweets
33) Exuding a great deal of confidence while providing half-answers to questions he was never asked in the first place
#TrumpSuperpowers
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
38) Protecting First Amendment rights while temporarily barring Muslims from entering this country
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 6 Retweets
38) Making newborns' parents wonder if their child is going to be a giant due to the size of his/her hands compared to Trump's
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 4 Retweets
38) Building a big beautiful wall without spending any money
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 4 Retweets
38) Prompting Santa Claus to come to life, point at Trump, and say, "You actually believe this sh*t?"
#TrumpSuperpowers
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
42) Making America grate again while claiming he's going to make it great
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 4 Retweets
42) Deporting illegal immigrants while they work for him in this country
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Prompting D.A.R.E. instructors to begin their sessions by saying, "Say no to drugs, but more importantly, say no to Trump"
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Tempting Jesus to come again to vote against him
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Inspiring the authors of dictionaries to add the term "nucking futs" with his picture beside it
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
42) Prompting parental protests, as their kids refuse being grounded, saying, "Why? Trump said that & didn't get in trouble!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
42) Persuading millions that while America is already great, he'll make it great again, even though Obama ruined it
#TrumpSuperpowers
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
42) Prompting PC-haters to form the club, "Maybe That Political Correctness Thing Ain't So Bad After All"
#TrumpSuperpowers
11 Likes, 0 Retweets
50) Manages to give all Critical Thinking professors an average of 2.7 migraines every day
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 3 Retweets
50) Prompting mimes to continuously yell, "STFU!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
52) Making a $1 million loan sound smaller than his hands
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 3 Retweets
52) Leading well-renowned meteorologists to incessantly prepare us for the storm of the century: Hurricane Trump.
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 2 Retweets
52) Making NRA members believe that the pen is literally mightier than the sword (gun) & to fight for stricter pen regulations
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 2 Retweets
52) Making Puppy Monkey Baby come across as halfway sane
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
56) Proving Carlin's "Hippy Dippy Weatherman" was a psychic vision of Trump's climate-change views (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1uaw3WIOlc …)
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 3 Retweets
56) Garnering a person's support after comparing him to a child molester
#TrumpSuperpowers #ActuallyThatOneIsTrue
6 Likes, 2 Retweets
56) Leading Donald Duck to change his name from Donald Duck to Fu*ka Duck
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 2 Retweets
56) Leap-frogging snakes, public speaking, & death atop the Americans-greatest-fears leaderboard without any effort whatsoever
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
56) Causing a worldwide anxiety-epidemic at the mere mention of his name
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
56) Making National Pumpkin Day a year-round holiday
#TrumpSuperpowers
8 Likes, 0 Retweets
62) Inspiring the new hit game "Lie or Dare"
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) Causing Lady Liberty to permanently facepalm herself at the mere thought of him winning the election
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) Turning Lindsey Graham into a comedian (http://www.salon.com/2016/03/24/comedy_central_hire_lindsey_graham_the_trash_talking_senator_upstages_trevor_noah_with_unflappable_ease/ …)
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
62) Forcing GOPers into denial as he provides a reflection of the modern-day GOP in a caricatured fashion
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
62) Calling the First Lady, Mother Theresa, Lady Liberty, & Princess Fiona "sexist b**ches" and seeing his poll numbers rise
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
62) Attempting to persuade fact-checkers that 2 + 2 = something other than 4
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
62) Making David Duke blush with his comments about race
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
62) Making official birth certificates as worthless as the Bridge to Nowhere
#TrumpSuperpowers
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
70) Spewing crap out of his mouth without even trying
#TrumpSuperpowers #WaitHeAlreadyDoesThat
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Making Fox News appear fair and balanced a record-tying two times every week
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Loudly declaring, "I built that!" after being handed $1 million by his father
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Transforming a best friend's eulogy into an autobiography
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Prompting R.E.M. to alter their lyrics to, "It's the end of the world as we know and I no longer feel fine"
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 2 Retweets
70) Shooting orange blanks
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Prompting dogs, coyotes, and Wolf Blitzer to howl whenever he speaks
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Sounding like he normally does when breaking the world record for number of times uttering the word "big" in a single day
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Making John Boehner appear tan
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Making up a word that rhymes with orange
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Making God question his creation, as he says, "Why in the Sam Hill didn't I take 8 or 9 days instead?"
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
70) Inspiring the new story, "Trumpty Dumpty Sat On a Lie"
#TrumpSuperpowers
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
82) Making every announcer look bad as he says, "Watch the video. Does my manager grab her arm? Yes, no, maybe, I don't know."
#TrumpSuperpowers
3 Likes, 2 Retweets
82) Leading a wave of supporters to name their next child "2 Corinthians"
#TrumpSuperpowers
3 Likes, 2 Retweets
82) Decreasing teenage pregnancy via schools requiring sex ed teachers to hand out free Trump calendars to every student
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Inspiring motivational speakers to give the speech, "You Can Do It W/a Very Very Small Loan of $1 Million From Your Daddy"
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Backpedaling so much he puts Michael Jackson's moonwalk to shame
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Convincing supporters that 69 is the new 5
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
82) Prompting Jesus to start filming the movie, "While All Dogs Go To Heaven, Not All Donald's Do"
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
82) Prompting fathers to, in addition to the birds & the bees talk, engage in the incest-free discussion with their daughters
#TrumpSuperpowers
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Confounding parents around Christmas, as when asked what they want, their kids respond, "A pet Trump-hair!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 2 Retweets
90) Persuading 41% of the public via a book he wrote that he was the main inspiration behind the character Neo in "The Matrix"
#TrumpSuperpowers
3 Likes, 1 Retweet
90) Giving meaning to the phrase vagueness trumps specifics
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Simultaneously loving a group of people & making them come across like a disease: "I have a serious case of 'the blacks'."
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Making Pinocchio's nose appear invisible to the naked eye in comparison to his
#TrumpSuperpowers
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
95) Getting zoos to place bids on the animal covering his head, for the exhibit, "Unsolved Mysteries in the Animal Kingdom"
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 1 Retweet
95) Prompting Marty McFly and Doc Brown to travel back in time to forever traumatize Trump via Biff in a hoverboard race
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 1 Retweet
97) Inspiring millions to, when called out on their slip-ups, respond with, "I was just joking!"
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
97) Making the Grim Reaper squirm at the thought of his presidency
#TrumpSuperpowers
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
99) Proving that the scientists who conducted the experiment of forming a hybrid of the Joker & Dr. Evil were high at the time
#TrumpSuperpowers
1 Like, 0 Retweets
99) Trying to put the "fun" in "prejudice" when none exists
#TrumpSuperpowers
1 Like, 0 Retweets
Totals: 1,179 Likes, 436 Retweets (Average of 11.8 Likes, 4.4 Retweets)
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