"When I said that I'd be faithful
When I promised I'd be true
When I swore I could never
Be with anyone but you
When I told you that I loved you
With those tender words I spoke
I was only kidding
Now, can't you take a joke?"
Those were some of the words to Weird Al Yankovic's song, "I Was Only Kidding," from which Donald Trump appears to be taking his cue.
In a recent interview with Wisconsin Fox affiliate WLUK, the GOP frontrunner defended his long (and continuing) history of sexist comments, saying, "Well, number one, I'm no different than anybody else, and people joke, and I joke."
He added, "And I never knew I was going to be running for office. And you joke, and you kid and say things, but you're not a politician so you never think anybody cares."
Lastly, he said:
"Much of that I said in jest, much of that I said - although with the Fox debate, I didn't say that in jest at all. I said that 100 percent because Megyn Kelly never treated me fairly and everybody knows it. But you say things, and I guarantee you I'm no different, if anything I'm far better than the people I'm running against."
So, like musician/satirist Weird Al Yankovic said in his previously mentioned song, Donald Trump was only kidding! I get it! The guy can sure fool everyone, can't he? Let's look at a condense history of Trump's joke-telling, shall we?
"I would never buy Ivana any decent jewels or pictures. Why give her negotiable assets?"
So, not only is the man funny, but he's also sweet...
"Beauty and elegance, whether in a woman, a building, or a work of art, is not just superficial or something pretty to see."
Hmm, perhaps his humor is an acquired taste...
"26,000 unreported sexual assaults in the military-only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?"
According to this bit of logic, the only way to fully prevent sexual assault is to always segregate based on gender. Well, if that plan is put in place, I suppose we'll be able to stop worrying about overpopulation before long...
"It's certainly not groundbreaking news that the early victories by the women on 'The Apprentice' were, to a very large extent, dependent on their sex appeal."
This joke sounds like it was inspired by what's his name? Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue. You know, it's that one guy - the one The Donald keeps mentioning at debates, "There's this guy I know..." Yeah, sure, Donald...
"You know, it doesn't really matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."
Didn't he just say a second ago, "Beauty and elegance, whether in a woman, a building, or a work of art, is not just superficial or something pretty to see."? Perhaps he's attempting to draw laughter by contradicting himself. Interesting...
"I mean, we could say politically correct that look doesn't matter, but the look obviously matters. Like you wouldn't have your job if you weren't beautiful."
So, combining Trump's comments, he's ultimately saying, "A woman is more than just something pretty to see, but all that matters is that I have a young and beautiful piece of ass, and let's be honest here, you would't have this job if you weren't beautiful, so like, yeah..."Alright then...
"He got up, his face got red, he shook his finger at me and he screamed, 'You're disgusting, you're disgusting,' and ran out of there" (when a lawyer facing Trump asked for a break to pump breastmilk for her daughter).
At least we now know how to make Donald Trump run far far away... (well, besides citing facts)
"The most difficult aspect of the prenuptial agreement is informing your future wife (or husband): I love you very much, but just in case things don't work out, this is what you will get in the divorce. There are basically three types of women and reactions. One is the good woman who very much loves her future husband, solely for himself, but refuses to sign the agreement on principle. I fully understand this, but the man should take a pass anyway and find someone else. The other is the calculating woman who refuses to sign the prenuptial agreement because she is expecting to take advantage of the poor, unsuspecting sucker she's got in her grasp. There is also the woman who will openly and quickly sign a prenuptial agreement in order to make a quick hit and take the money given to her."
This is comedy at its finest right here, isn't it? It comes across like a drunken Dane Cook going off tangent during a lecture minutes after receiving a break-up text from his girlfriend. So, what other knee-slappers do you have for us, Donald?
"Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression 'the weaker sex' was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye - or perhaps another body part."
This is part of the ongoing series, "Oh How I Love Women and Think They're All Killers." Yes, it's a dark comedy...
"If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes you think she can satisfy America?"
Right, because millions of citizens will obviously be voting for her in exchange for some hanky panky in the bedroom. That's the real issue around election time. People aren't voting on the basis of job creation, higher-paying jobs, healthcare, etc.; no, they're voting on the basis of which candidate will provide more satisfaction in the sack...
"[Angelina Jolie's] been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby... And, I just don't even find her attractive."
This joke could definitely use some work. Trump just comes out with the punchline when there really was none to begin with. He may want to scrap this one altogether, that or substitute it with a Laffy Taffy joke, which is likely funnier anyway...
"While Bette Midler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct."
Okay, so this joke was unintentionally funny, as Trump seems perplexed on the definition of the word "say." I know it's a tricky word and all, but you'd think The Donald would have learned it by now. "That woman is a big big big slut. I'm not supposed to say that so I won't, but still, she's a slut."
"[Rosie O'Donnell is] crude, rude, obnoxious and dumb."
This is probably a club favorite. He typically follows this gem with, "Oprah's fat. Tom Hanks is rich. Antonio Banderas is one of those Mexican people. Oh, and you in the front are wearing glasses."
"My favorite part [of 'Pulp Fiction'] is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: 'Bitch be cool.' I love those lines."
Doesn't everyone? When hearing this one-of-a-kind joke, even the Pulp Fiction writers were looking at one another and saying, "Was that line really in the movie?" and "I don't remember that." Yes, Trump's jokes take everyone by surprise!
-"During one down period, I (New York Times columnist Gail Collins) referred to him in print as a 'financially embattled thousandaire' and he sent me a copy of the column with my picture circled and 'The Face of a Dog!' written over it."
Oh, but Ms. Collins, Trump was just trying to say, "Dogs are cute, loved, and adored by millions, so yeah, you're like a dog." Gosh, I can't believe she missed that one! It went right over her head...
"Cher should spend more time focusing on her family and dying career!"/"Cher is an average talent who's out of touch with reality. Cher is somewhat of a loser. She's lonely. She's unhappy. She's very miserable."
I believe this is called projection comedy...
"Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money." (yes, that's him speaking right there)
...and they find him talking about his awesomeness in the third-person the biggest turn-on of all!
"All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."
"Unconsciously"? Let's not be pulling a Cosby here, Donald... (yeah, I know, too soon?...)
Yeah, Donald Trump is a comedian alright. He's as much a comedian as Ben Carson is a motivational speaker...
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a55946/donald-trumps-sexist-comments-jokes/
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdalyankovic/iwasonlykidding.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/18-real-things-donald-trump-has-said-about-women_us_55d356a8e4b07addcb442023
When I promised I'd be true
When I swore I could never
Be with anyone but you
When I told you that I loved you
With those tender words I spoke
I was only kidding
Now, can't you take a joke?"
Those were some of the words to Weird Al Yankovic's song, "I Was Only Kidding," from which Donald Trump appears to be taking his cue.
In a recent interview with Wisconsin Fox affiliate WLUK, the GOP frontrunner defended his long (and continuing) history of sexist comments, saying, "Well, number one, I'm no different than anybody else, and people joke, and I joke."
He added, "And I never knew I was going to be running for office. And you joke, and you kid and say things, but you're not a politician so you never think anybody cares."
Lastly, he said:
"Much of that I said in jest, much of that I said - although with the Fox debate, I didn't say that in jest at all. I said that 100 percent because Megyn Kelly never treated me fairly and everybody knows it. But you say things, and I guarantee you I'm no different, if anything I'm far better than the people I'm running against."
So, like musician/satirist Weird Al Yankovic said in his previously mentioned song, Donald Trump was only kidding! I get it! The guy can sure fool everyone, can't he? Let's look at a condense history of Trump's joke-telling, shall we?
"I would never buy Ivana any decent jewels or pictures. Why give her negotiable assets?"
So, not only is the man funny, but he's also sweet...
"Beauty and elegance, whether in a woman, a building, or a work of art, is not just superficial or something pretty to see."
Hmm, perhaps his humor is an acquired taste...
"26,000 unreported sexual assaults in the military-only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?"
According to this bit of logic, the only way to fully prevent sexual assault is to always segregate based on gender. Well, if that plan is put in place, I suppose we'll be able to stop worrying about overpopulation before long...
"It's certainly not groundbreaking news that the early victories by the women on 'The Apprentice' were, to a very large extent, dependent on their sex appeal."
This joke sounds like it was inspired by what's his name? Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue. You know, it's that one guy - the one The Donald keeps mentioning at debates, "There's this guy I know..." Yeah, sure, Donald...
"You know, it doesn't really matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."
Didn't he just say a second ago, "Beauty and elegance, whether in a woman, a building, or a work of art, is not just superficial or something pretty to see."? Perhaps he's attempting to draw laughter by contradicting himself. Interesting...
"I mean, we could say politically correct that look doesn't matter, but the look obviously matters. Like you wouldn't have your job if you weren't beautiful."
So, combining Trump's comments, he's ultimately saying, "A woman is more than just something pretty to see, but all that matters is that I have a young and beautiful piece of ass, and let's be honest here, you would't have this job if you weren't beautiful, so like, yeah..."Alright then...
"He got up, his face got red, he shook his finger at me and he screamed, 'You're disgusting, you're disgusting,' and ran out of there" (when a lawyer facing Trump asked for a break to pump breastmilk for her daughter).
At least we now know how to make Donald Trump run far far away... (well, besides citing facts)
"The most difficult aspect of the prenuptial agreement is informing your future wife (or husband): I love you very much, but just in case things don't work out, this is what you will get in the divorce. There are basically three types of women and reactions. One is the good woman who very much loves her future husband, solely for himself, but refuses to sign the agreement on principle. I fully understand this, but the man should take a pass anyway and find someone else. The other is the calculating woman who refuses to sign the prenuptial agreement because she is expecting to take advantage of the poor, unsuspecting sucker she's got in her grasp. There is also the woman who will openly and quickly sign a prenuptial agreement in order to make a quick hit and take the money given to her."
This is comedy at its finest right here, isn't it? It comes across like a drunken Dane Cook going off tangent during a lecture minutes after receiving a break-up text from his girlfriend. So, what other knee-slappers do you have for us, Donald?
"Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression 'the weaker sex' was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye - or perhaps another body part."
This is part of the ongoing series, "Oh How I Love Women and Think They're All Killers." Yes, it's a dark comedy...
"If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes you think she can satisfy America?"
Right, because millions of citizens will obviously be voting for her in exchange for some hanky panky in the bedroom. That's the real issue around election time. People aren't voting on the basis of job creation, higher-paying jobs, healthcare, etc.; no, they're voting on the basis of which candidate will provide more satisfaction in the sack...
"[Angelina Jolie's] been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby... And, I just don't even find her attractive."
This joke could definitely use some work. Trump just comes out with the punchline when there really was none to begin with. He may want to scrap this one altogether, that or substitute it with a Laffy Taffy joke, which is likely funnier anyway...
"While Bette Midler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct."
Okay, so this joke was unintentionally funny, as Trump seems perplexed on the definition of the word "say." I know it's a tricky word and all, but you'd think The Donald would have learned it by now. "That woman is a big big big slut. I'm not supposed to say that so I won't, but still, she's a slut."
"[Rosie O'Donnell is] crude, rude, obnoxious and dumb."
This is probably a club favorite. He typically follows this gem with, "Oprah's fat. Tom Hanks is rich. Antonio Banderas is one of those Mexican people. Oh, and you in the front are wearing glasses."
"My favorite part [of 'Pulp Fiction'] is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: 'Bitch be cool.' I love those lines."
Doesn't everyone? When hearing this one-of-a-kind joke, even the Pulp Fiction writers were looking at one another and saying, "Was that line really in the movie?" and "I don't remember that." Yes, Trump's jokes take everyone by surprise!
-"During one down period, I (New York Times columnist Gail Collins) referred to him in print as a 'financially embattled thousandaire' and he sent me a copy of the column with my picture circled and 'The Face of a Dog!' written over it."
Oh, but Ms. Collins, Trump was just trying to say, "Dogs are cute, loved, and adored by millions, so yeah, you're like a dog." Gosh, I can't believe she missed that one! It went right over her head...
"Cher should spend more time focusing on her family and dying career!"/"Cher is an average talent who's out of touch with reality. Cher is somewhat of a loser. She's lonely. She's unhappy. She's very miserable."
I believe this is called projection comedy...
"Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money." (yes, that's him speaking right there)
...and they find him talking about his awesomeness in the third-person the biggest turn-on of all!
"All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."
"Unconsciously"? Let's not be pulling a Cosby here, Donald... (yeah, I know, too soon?...)
Yeah, Donald Trump is a comedian alright. He's as much a comedian as Ben Carson is a motivational speaker...
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a55946/donald-trumps-sexist-comments-jokes/
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdalyankovic/iwasonlykidding.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/18-real-things-donald-trump-has-said-about-women_us_55d356a8e4b07addcb442023
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