The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

After North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory decided it was time to sign a bill preventing the nonexistent problem of transgender individuals using public restrooms of the gender with which they identify, House Republicans became inspired to tackle other such issues. Earlier today, House Speaker Paul Ryan made this announcement before the press: "Before making this big announcement, I want to first thank Governor McCrory for his leadership, his morality, and perhaps most importantly, his vision - his vision for seeing things that aren't really there but could be if we try really really hard, using binoculars, while tripping on acid. Without him leading the way, I honestly don't believe anyone in the Republican-led House would have come up with our new one-of-a-kind idea to make America great again. Now that we got that out of the way, let me get to the meat of this announcement. After other House Republicans and I got together, sat down, and really thought about things fo...

After his team got walloped 56-0 in the NFC Championship game on Sunday, head coach Ted Cruz surprised everyone when he made the following announcement: "After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if my team makes the Super Bowl, our starting quarterback is going to be Tim Tebow. One of the most important decisions a football coach can make is who he picks as his quarterback and I think it's safe to say you can all rest assured Tim Tebow is intelligent, dependable, and most importantly, he's a winner. The guy can run, throw, keep benches warm, and even dunk the oval-shaped balls in basketball rings if that's what he's called to do on 4th down. I know our last game was a rough one, but I want our fans to know we're going to fight every step of the way, no matter what, even when those steps don't actually exist. Thank you and let's continue marching our way to the Super Bowl as God intended!" Tim Tebow then...

I've heard plenty of ridiculous arguments supporting legislation which bars transgenders from using public bathrooms of the gender with which they identify, but none were nearly as asinine as the one I read today. If you don't believe me, read what right-wing talk show host Rick Wiles recently said about the matter: "How about if I just urinate on your floor (Target spokeswoman Molly Snyder)? How about that, Molly? Because you're defecating on this nation. ... Our minds are being capture, Doc, by perverts (directed toward co-host Doc Burkhart). This is what happened in Germany. The Nazis were perverts. They took over Germany. It was a radical, socialist, homosexual movement called the Nazi Socialist Party. They're now in control of America, and sane people better rise up and oppose it quickly. This is just the beginning. ... It's either shut down Target or their type is going to shut down this nation, because there's no end to their insanity and their imm...

As I've written about previously, while I disagree with GOP front-runner Donald Trump 99% of the time, I do agree with him that the election system is severely flawed, if not outright rigged. That's not all that's rigged in this country, though. As Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren has stated on multiple occasions, the economy is rigged. The wealthiest individuals can afford to hire accountants to find tax loopholes in order to pay less on tax day. Some can even go so far as to not pay any federal income taxes. If in any legal trouble, these same individuals can buy the best legal help in order to get the best deal possible. Not only that, but to start it all, odds have it they were born into a wealthy family and afforded some of the best education in the country. As Senator Warren said earlier this year: "There are two legal systems, one for the rich and powerful, and one for everyone else. It's not equal justice when a kid gets thrown in jail for stealin...

The GOP's gotten themselves in quite the pickle, haven't they? They started the primary season featuring 17 candidates, and even though "outsiders" like Donald Trump and Ben Carson polled well early, party leaders figured an "establishment" Republican would win out in the end. As time progressed, however, it became increasingly apparent that wasn't likely, and before they knew it, the GOP looked at their options and saw only Ted Cruz and Donald Trump left. Cruz and Trump are liked by the GOP establishment about as much as potholes are liked by smart cars. Many in the GOP have now been forced to go with, as they see it, the better of two evils, and have begrudgingly endorsed Cruz over Trump. In knowing it'll be extremely difficult for either to defeat likely Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton in the November election, however, multiple GOP leaders have discussed ways to overlook the primaries and nominate someone else at the convention this summer. It...

When debating an issue, while it's often times important to put forth a good argument of your own, it's of even greater importance to discredit the other's argument, for if their argument is discredited, you've essentially won the debate. If another's evidence is in the form of an already debunked chain email or a provenly biased study and you're able to showcase this, you've essentially sunk their argument, and without even trying to prove your point, you can say, "I've proven you wrong, so I'm, in essence, right, and winner of this debate." Case and point, the controversial transgender bathroom laws which were recently signed in Mississippi and North Carolina. The two main arguments supporting these laws are as follows: 1) Just because men dress up like women, they shouldn't be allowed in the women's bathroom. 2) Perverted males would have taken advantage of the matter had the bill not been signed in order to sexually assaul...

After Donald Trump made his "woman-card" statements with regard to likely Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton and gave his mix-reviewed foreign policy speech, both #WomanCard and #TrumpForeignPolicy trended on Twitter. While I didn't go all out with these trending hashtags like I've done previously, I did post a few. Here they are, ordered from the most to least popular (all my tweets can be viewed at this site - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Trump: "All Hillary's got is the woman card to become president!" Clinton: "So? The 44 presidents before me played the man card!" #WomanCard 50 Likes, 21 Retweets 2) Trump: "All Hillary's got is the woman card. I've got the: Boehner orange spray card, daddy big loan card, & major as*hole card." #WomanCard 45 Likes, 23 Retweets 3) Trump: "I'll do things people have never done before, great things, tremendous things, unbelievable things, believe...

As most people know, Indiana and basketball go together like Jared Fogle and Bill Cosby. Texas Senator Ted Cruz tried winning over residents of the Hoosier state by recreating a scene from the classic film by the same name ( Hoosiers ), but failed miserably. During his speech, Cruz said, "You know, the amazing thing is that basketball ring here in Indiana, it's the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in the country." That's right, Ted Cruz referred to a basketball hoop as a basketball ring. Going by that line of thinking, the Texas senator once gave his wife a wedding hoop. Given his obvious vast knowledge of sports, expect him to utter the following lines in the future: - "I love baseball, especially the over-the-wall ball. It's amazing how far those guys can hit those things!" - "When the Patriots kicker kicked the ball through those giant yellow chopsticks to win the game, that was awesome!" - "Why don...

There was another fun trending hashtag on Twitter yesterday, so as usual, I felt the need to contribute. The hashtag was #ElectionPlotTwist. Here are my tweets, ordered from the most to least popular (all my tweets can be viewed here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Dick Cheney takes the eventual GOP nominee quail hunting #ElectionPlotTwist 91 Likes, 50 Retweets 2) Ben Carson performs brain surgery on all 17 GOP candidates, including himself #ElectionPlotTwist 94 Likes, 37 Retweets 3) Bernie Sanders arrives at the Democratic National Convention in a flying DeLorean #ElectionPlotTwist 61 Likes, 22 Retweets 4) Ted Cruz accidentally shoots Ted Nugent while teaching a machine-gun bacon cooking class #ElectionPlotTwist 29 Likes, 12 Retweets 5) Kasich wins his 2nd contest- the Northern Mariana Islands Caucus, says he's the front-runner & winner of "Marinara sauce" #ElectionPlotTwist 25 Likes, 9 Retweets 6) Carly Fiorina finds a Planned Parenth...

Once again, I had some fun with a trending hashtag on Twitter last night. This time the hashtag was #ThingsBernieHates. Here's the list of tweets, ordered from the most to least popular. There are a number of priceless pictures and videos included with these tweets, so I'd recommend checking them out at this link as well - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki: 1) Being asked for free rides on a flying DeLorean #ThingsBernieHates 77 Likes, 32 Retweets 2) How long it takes to do his hair in the morning by rubbing a balloon against it #ThingsBernieHates 71 Likes, 25 Retweets 3) Weekends at his place #ThingsBernieHates 26 Likes, 7 Retweets 4) Ted Cruz and his twin sister #ThingsBernieHates 17 Likes, 7 Retweets 5) The Oompa Loompa Lives Matter movement #ThingsBernieHates 16 Likes, 7 Retweets 6) Ben Carson lectures on how to nap while debating #ThingsBernieHates 15 Likes, 3 Retweets 7) Socialism & communism, for they differ from democratic socialism (http:...

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook page (https://www.gofundme.com/buya5us4). It's a link to a GoFundMe fundraiser page, asking for donations to help "Jessica." The write-up was authored by Danielle Andersen-Jeppesen, and reads as follows: "Jessica is a beautiful young woman facing a tremendous battle. She came to my family at 8 years old after many years of foster care. Her adoptive dad, Scott, had cancer as a child and the treatments he received damaged his heart, liver, and kidneys. He died one year after her adoption. She continued to be the best daughter and sister she could as we all grieved his loss. Health issues continued to plague our family and she was so strong for all of us.  Fast forward to a month ago and she got the terrifying news that her young (21 year old) body is facing a cancer battle of her own. She has breast cancer. She's already underwent surgery to remove the tumor and is needing genetic testing to determine her future. P...

Here's the URL to my Facebook business page. I update it fairly regularly, but still haven't put forth a great deal of effort yet in researching matters and attempting to make the most out of it. In any case, it can be perused here: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki?ref=hl Up next is my Twitter page. I'm still not 100% certain what I'm doing on there yet, but feel I'm gradually getting the hang of it and am up to 36,342 followers. I update it daily with many of my own tweets, but also by retweeting some others'. It can be found here: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki Lastly, here's my Tumblr page, which I've neglected quite a bit recently, but if you're at all curious, you can find it at the following link: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/rozzy81

For new readers (and regular ones, I suppose), here's some information pertaining to my books. All twelve of my books can be purchased in paperback form at the following site (and others): http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?type=&keyWords=craig+rozniecki&x=7&y=5&sitesearch=lulu.com&q= The ten books I've written and released in the past 4 years (yes, I've been on a roll) can be purchased for much cheaper in Kindle form at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_22?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig%20rozniecki%20kindle&sprefix=craig+rozniecki+kindle%2Caps%2C228&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Acraig%20rozniecki%20kindle

No, nobody's perfect, but even when acknowledging that, there are times headlines prompt me to give my best dog impression, as my head tilts to the side and my ears suddenly perk. Such was the case today when I read this NBC News headline: "Prince's Remains Cremated, Private 'Beautiful' Ceremony Held." After reading the headline a couple times, I realized the message it was trying to convey. However, when first reading the headline, it came across as, "Prince Remains Cremated." When I asked a few other people about it, they thought the same thing when first reading the headline. Given this unintentionally ambiguous headline, expect NBC News to publish the following headlines in the future: - "Man's heart still not beating after a month in casket" - "Mayor's breath stoppage reaches 2,400 days" - "Poll shows 97% of people think musician will remain dead for at least another week" - "Elvis Presley sti...

I had fun with the trending hashtag #FakeBoardGameFacts on Twitter yesterday. Here's a list of my tweets, ordered from the most to least popular (all my tweets can be seen here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Ben Carson first knew he wanted to be a neurosurgeon after falling asleep while playing Operation. #FakeBoardGameFacts 36 Likes, 9 Retweets 1) Ted Cruz wants to make it illegal for two blue pegs or two pink pegs to get married in The Game of Life, b/c The Bible. #FakeBoardGameFacts 38 Likes, 7 Retweets 3) George W. Bush claims he first spotted the 17-letter word 'misunderestimated' on a 4x4 grid in Boggle. #FakeBoardGameFacts 30 Likes, 10 Retweets 4) George W. Bush and Sarah Palin have boycotted Stratego until it changes its name to Strategery. #FakeBoardGameFacts 32 Likes, 5 Retweets 5) Winning one game of Risk qualifies you to be Commander-in-chief. This is what prompted Marco Rubio to run for president. #FakeBoardGameFacts 17 Likes, 7 R...

I had some fun over the weekend with regard to the "rebranding" of Donald Trump, as he and many in the GOP claimed the party's front-runner was appearing more "presidential of late. Here are my tweets regarding the matter, order from the most to the least popular (you can view all my tweets here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Mon. Trump: "My daughter is bangable." Tues. Trump: "My daughter is bangable if I weren't her dad." GOP: "He's looking more presidential!" 97 Likes, 75 Retweets 2) Mon. Trump: "I'm going to illegally torture people!" Tues. Trump: "I'm going to legally torture!" GOP: "He's looking more presidential!" 31 Likes, 24 Retweets 3) Mon. Trump: "I love big words like 'big'." Tues. Trump: "I love bigger words like 'big'." GOP: "He sounds so much more presidential!" 31 Likes, 21 Retweets 4) Mo...

Several months ago Donald Trump drew ire by uttering these words with regard to Fox News personality Megyn Kelly on CNN Tonight : "You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever." While it's debatable whether or not Trump was insinuating Kelly was in the midst of her period, it's not debatable that I'm going to have fun with his quote. Assuming for a moment The Donald was referring to Megyn Kelly's special lady parts, expect Trump to make these comments in the future: - "Dude, you better be clean and put a condom on your whatever before you stick it into my daughter's wherever." - "Honey, wherever you go, make sure your wherever doesn't go somewhere it shouldn't, wherever that may be." - "One of my favorite movies of all time has to be Kindergarten Cop . I love that scene where the little boy stands up and says, 'Boys have a penis; girls have a wherever.' Classic scene, ...

Republican Utah Governor Gary Herbert recently signed a bill declaring that pornography is creating a public health crisis. Republican State Senator Todd Weiler, the sponsor of the measure, then appeared on the conservative Family Research Council's program, Washington Watch , when he said this: "I said to McDonald's, 'You're a family restaurant and you market to children, why would you want to be a purveyor of pornography?' You know, the librarians will put their hands over their hearts and talk about the First Amendment and yet if these libraries and these McDonald's were giving cigarettes to our children, we'd all be up in arms, we'd be picketing them. But somehow it's okay if they deliver pornography to them. That's what I think is often lost in the First Amendment discussion, because someone may have the First Amendment right, according to the U.S. Supreme Court, to view pornography, but what about my First Amendment right to not view...

When debating someone yesterday, I got called an elitist because I used big words and stuff. The odd thing about the comment was the fact it was meant to be an insult. I've heard many conservatives refer to President Obama in such a manner over the years. My question is, when did being labeled an elitist  become such a bad thing? Here's the definition of the term: "(of a person or class of persons) considered superior by others or by themselves, as in intellect, talent, power, wealth, or position in society." So, once again, why is it now an insult to call someone an elitist? If we use the before definition, this is how the insult comes across: "I hate you! Other people consider your intellect so superior! Yeah, take that!" Imagine how ridiculous we'd sound if we used other at least somewhat complimentary terms as insults. Here are a few examples: - "Oh yeah?!? You think that, do ya?!? Well, fine then, but at least I'm not beautiful l...

After hearing the saddening news of musical artist Prince's passing yesterday, the cable news networks largely devoted their time to this story. This included MSNBC's token conservative, Joe Scarborough, who had this to say regarding the matter: "And by the way, I'll give you the last point in a second, but just on this other point where you said he's (Trump's) so flexible, he's like Prince, a shape-shifter, New York Times top left, election 2016, 'Trump's views on gay issues set him apart on the GOP.' I mean, Trump on social issues, on Planned Parenthood, when he was in the middle of the fight in South Carolina, it wasn't like he was hiding things. And so Hillary is going to be up against a guy that not only says we're not going to cut Social Security, I'm with you on social issues. And by the way, we're going to kill ISIS in two weeks." Yes, according to Joe Scarborough, Donald Trump and Prince are more similar than an...

Approximately five out of four times I hear someone attempt to make a comparison publicly known via the media, they fail miserably, yes, at both comparisons and fractions. Just the latest example comes courtesy of Spartanburg County, South Carolina Sheriff Chuck Wright, who said the following at a Greenville-Spartanburg Republican Women's meeting on April 7th: "I think the most racist people in America right now sometimes are minorities, small group minorities. I've got a chaplain who works for me. He's an African-American, he is my brother and I love him more than anything. He doesn't buy into that mess. A bunch of his friends don't either. They don't do the NAACP because I feel like that is a racist group as well as the KKK. I don't care about them either." Yes, the Spartanburg County sheriff compared the NAACP to the KKK. Let's get something straight here, the NAACP stands for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored Peopl...

At a New York City town hall on Thursday, Donald Trump celebrated National High Five Day by high-fiving a supporter's 5-year-old boy, Stubby McSnots, after vaguely answering her question about whether or not North Korea was north or south of South Korea. When Trump hunched over and stuck out his right hand to be slapped by the boy, due to the size of the GOP front-runner's hands, Stubby reached out with two fingers in order to complete the process. When I later asked Stubby why he did that, here's how he responded: "He has tiny hands. They're the size of my matchbox smart cars. I was gonna ask if he wanted to do a thumb-war, but that wouldn't have been fair, since my thumb is the size of his hand, you know?" After getting relentlessly mocked about the incident on Twitter, Trump released the following statement: "Look, you can all have your fun, but we all know that cameras add five pounds to kids' hands and take away five pounds from my hand...

After his crushing loss in the New York primary on Tuesday night, Texas Senator Ted Cruz decided to take the loss in the following fashion during a speech in Philadelphia: "Your choices to govern your work, your education, your future, if only Washington will get out of the way. Join me now, on this journey of less talk and more action, real solutions. Because I know you y ou may have been knocked down, but America's always been best when she is lying down with her back on the mat and the crowd has given the final count. It is time for us as a nation to get up, to shake it off and be who we were destined to be. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise." Yes, it appears Ted Cruz wrote erotic fiction in a former life. Based on this quote, I'm guessing Senator Cruz has written the following lines in an erotic novel he's been working on since college, likely titled, Making America My Bitch : - "America's always been best when she is twerking ...

Due to his "7-11 attacks" gaffe, Donald Trump was trending on Twitter yesterday (#7Eleven), so of course I to join the fun. Here are my tweets regarding the matter, ordered from the most to least popular (all my tweets can be read here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Trump: "Sarah Palin could very well be my running mate, b/c I mean, like, she can see a 7-Eleven from her house, so that's pretty special." #7Eleven 36 Likes, 11 Retweets 2) Trump: "Not all terrorists are 7-11 masterminds, but all 7-11 masterminds are terrorists. Period. Exclamation point. Big Gulp." #7Eleven 29 Likes, 16 Retweets 3) Trump: "I have mixed feelings about 711. It's awful about the attacks, but if I add 6 zeros, that's how much my dad loaned me." #7Eleven 31 Likes, 11 Retweets 3) Trump: "Every year on July 11th I go to a nearby convenience store, you know, 9-Eleven. Great place. Tremendous. Unbelievable." #7Eleven 32 Likes,...

I'm both fascinated and frustrated with the election process in this country. One such double-edged sword aspect of the election cycle is the seemingly nonstop spin machine. Regardless of who wins or loses in a primary, expect all sides to present the results in the most positive light possible. Even though the concept of spin is inevitable in election years, having followed this primary season so closely, I'm getting a little unnerved by the following examples of spin:  1) "Hillary Clinton has more votes than Donald Trump!" No, I'm by no means a Donald Trump supporter. In fact, I think I'd vote for a dead squirrel named Lucky over him. However, while this bit of spin may technically be true, it's not a fully accurate comparison. Hillary Clinton has, at the primary's peak, had to square off with four other candidates. On the other side of the political spectrum, Donald Trump has had to deal with as many as sixteen other candidates. So the mathem...

So, as most everyone not living in a cave has heard by now, GOP front-runner Donald Trump committed quite the faux pas at a speech in Buffalo on Monday night, when he said this: "I wrote this out, and it's very close to my heart. Because I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I've ever seen." Yes, Donald Trump mistook the 9/11 attacks for the convenience store 7-Eleven. Given that slip-up, expect the GOP front-runner to do similarly with regard to the following events: Event: Roe v. Wade Supreme Court ruling Trump: "I for one have never supported the Supreme Court's 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' ruling, and if I'm president, I'll do everything I can to overturn that highly not ethical decision." Event: Hurricane Katrina Trump: "It was a devastating, tremendously devastating storm - that Candy Cane Katrina; ...

When watching Ben Carson's guest appearance on The Daily Show  last night, I was tempted to provide the former neurosurgeon with a standing ovation, slow-clap edition, for the man made less sense than my dog after consuming one too man Jagerbombs and showcased at least one unintentional ironically hilarious moment. After poorly defending his endorsement of Donald Trump, Carson provided this gem for Trevor Noah and his viewers: "We are the child of every other nation, so we should have the welfare of every other nation at heart and conduct ourselves in a very different way. And if we can learn from them and we can conduct ourselves in a way that demonstrates compassion towards others, I believe that it can be a dawning of a new world." Isn't that precious? Keep in mind this man endorsed Donald Trump. Yes, I have a feeling the two of them need to discuss matters a little further. Mr. Trump, let's start with you... Trump: "Mexican immigrants are rapists,...

On December 26th of last year I suffered my first panic attack. Of all my health ordeals through the years, and there have been many, this was by far and away the scariest of the lot. My blood pressure shot up from 120/80 to 197/118. My heart-rate jumped from 90 beats per minute to 155. I started losing feeling in my arms and legs. It reached the point where I looked my mother in the eyes, told her I loved her, and goodbye, because I thought that was it. Fortunately that wasn't the case, but it's been a long four months back to recovery, and I'm still not fully there just yet. Between the numerous tests I underwent, the multiple medications to which I've been prescribed, and trying to make constant adjustments due to the medications and anxiety, it's been anything but an easy process. Due to ignorance on all parties' part, I was initially asked to refrain from consuming caffeine (including allergy pills) and alcohol. It was discovered fairly early that neither c...

I've just recently come into contact with the host of the Tracy Fort Show , yes, Tracy Fort, and think my readers should check out her show She covers a wide range of topics, is interesting, progressive, and needs help spreading the word about her new show. For more information, you can check out her 4 pm (EST) show today or previous recordings here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thetracyfortshow If you have a Twitter account, you can follow the show at this link: https://twitter.com/TracyFortShow To try and get word out about the show, they're holding a contest. Ms. Fort explains it via these two tweets: - "We are having a contest! Get me to 1000 followers. Tell people to follow the show @TracyFortShow & also have them post who told them.1/2" - "Once we get to 1000,the person closest 2 1000 in referring friends,will get $25 iTunes card along with person who referred them will as well" If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Here's the URL to my Facebook business page. I update it fairly regularly, but still haven't put forth a great deal of effort yet in researching matters and attempting to make the most out of it. In any case, it can be perused here: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki?ref=hl Up next is my Twitter page. I'm still not 100% certain what I'm doing on there yet, but feel I'm gradually getting the hang of it and am up to 35,998 followers. I update it daily with many of my own tweets, but also by retweeting some others'. It can be found here: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki Lastly, here's my Tumblr page, which I've neglected quite a bit recently, but if you're at all curious, you can find it at the following link: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/rozzy81

For new readers (and regular ones, I suppose), here's some information pertaining to my books. All twelve of my books can be purchased in paperback form at the following site (and others): http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?type=&keyWords=craig+rozniecki&x=7&y=5&sitesearch=lulu.com&q= The ten books I've written and released in the past 4 years (yes, I've been on a roll) can be purchased for much cheaper in Kindle form at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_22?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig%20rozniecki%20kindle&sprefix=craig+rozniecki+kindle%2Caps%2C228&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Acraig%20rozniecki%20kindle

I've found that the term hangry is appearing more regularly in everyday conversation. For the two of you unfamiliar with the word, it means to become so hungry one becomes angry (yes, a hybrid of angry and hungry ). Given the ever growing popularity of hangry , I thought I'd try to get the ball rolling with a few other like terms. For each, I'll provide the definition and a sentence where the words could be used. Here we go... Bangry : To become angry over a decision made on the reality show, The Bachelor . Example: "Why in the sam hill did Jake not pick Delilah Doodymix? What the hell, Jake? What is wrong with you?!? I'm so f**kin' bangry right now! Ugh!" Bork : To become bored while at work. Example: "Hey, what are you up to? Me? I'm in the office, listening to 'Free Bird,' playing some FreeCell. I'm just so frickin' bork right now, you know? Oh, I gotta go. This hot new assistant just came in and will hopefully unbork m...

After watching a screening of the conspiracy-laden anti-climate change film, Climate Hustle , former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said this at a Capitol Hill event: "Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am. He's a kids' show actor; he's not a scientist." That's right, ladies and gentlemen, according to Sarah Palin, the old show Bill Nye the Science Guy  might as well have been called Sarah Palin the Science Guy  because she's as much a scientist as he is. Let's look at Mr. Nye's background and compare it to Ms. Palin's. Bill Nye - Graduated from Cornell University in 1977 with a Bachelor's of Science degree in mechanical engineering - He was awarded an honorary doctor of science degree at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in May of 1999 - Nye received an honorary doctor of science degree at Willamette University in May of 2011 - Nye received an honorary doctor of pedagogy degree at Lehigh University in May of 2013 - Mr. Nye rec...

While I've preferred Ohio Governor John Kasich over the rest of the GOP field from the start of the primaries, that's like saying I'd prefer a paper cut over a root canal. Kasich recently made this analogy all the more accurate after answering a young woman's question about how to better prevent sexual assault on college campuses by saying, "I'd also give you one bit of advice, don't go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol." Yes, that's all there is to it, ladies; the onus is apparently on you. You must learn to refrain from meeting up with friends at a party over the weekend because you'll run the risk of a drunk man forcing himself on you sexually... I'm sorry, but this comment is ridiculous on multiple fronts. First off, and most importantly, sexual assault victims are the victims, not causes of sex-related crimes. We need to stop treating them like the causes of these unfortunate incidents and providing excuses for the perpetr...

While I refer to myself as an agnostic or a humanist, I still fight for everyone's right to believe as they so choose without governmental persecution. In saying that, however, there are still times I have to chuckle when hearing another talk about their religious beliefs. One example of this is when celebrities thank God for a victory, an opportunity, etc. "First and foremost I have to thank God, the creator, for giving me this opportunity to succeed doing what I love to do." What's funnier yet is how I don't hear anyone else chuckle at such statements. Think about what these celebrities are saying for a moment... "First and foremost I have to thank a man I've never seen before, never heard speak, someone I can't even prove ever existed, yet know he created the world and sent his perfect son to die on the cross for our sins, only to rise from the dead three days later. Anyway, I have to thank him for giving me this opportunity to succeed doing ...

There are times I really wonder if reporters have any idea what they're writing about. British rock trio Muse have been touring worldwide to help promote their latest album, Drones . In response to one of their recent London shows, I've seen the following headlines over the past 24-48 hours: - "Drones collapse during Muse Concert at the 02 Arena" - "Watch Muse Drone Crash Into Audience During Concert" - "Muse Drone Crashes Into Crowd During Concert: Watch" - "Watch Muse's drone crash into crowd during London gig" - "Watch a Drone at a Muse Concert Crash Into the Crowd" - "That Awkward Moment: Drone Crashes Into Crowd at Muse Concert" In most of these articles the author(s) noted that fortunately, nobody was injured during this apparent mishap. So, this "drone" crashing into the crowd was made to sound like a potentially serious incident, correct? Well, brace yourselves, people, because it wa...

After hearing Sarah Palin's ridiculous Bill Nye comments, she started trending on Twitter, so I decided to join the fun. Here are my tweets, ordered from the most to least popular (all my tweets can be seen here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) BREAKING NEWS: "Sarah Palin will soon be hosting a new reality series, aptly titled, 'The Science of Stupid'." #SarahPalin 47 Likes, 13 Retweets 2) Palin: "I don't like that scientist Tyson guy. What's his name? Mike? Anyway, it's like he talks down to you- so comprehending!" #SarahPalin 32 Likes, 15 Retweets 3) Palin: "Better education/more contraception means fewer abortions & I'm against abortion, so I'm against those things. Science." #SarahPalin 29 Likes, 7 Retweets 4) Palin: "Okay, Mr. Nye, if you're so smart, what's poli-sci? A scientific bird? What about sci-fi? Is that like WTF, LOL or OMG?" #SarahPalin 21 Likes, 14 Retweets 5)...