Skip to main content

Bo Pelini's Greatest F**king Hits

Much has been made about Nebraska head football coach Bo Pelini's recently reported tirade where he uttered the f-bomb more within one minute than actors in a Quentin Tarantino film called Saying F**k A Lot. Given that, here is what I imagine Mr. Pelini would say in the following situations:

Situation: Ordering a pizza

Pelini: "Yeah, I'd like a f**king delivery, please."


Situation: Getting pulled over by a cop

Cop: "Have you been drinking tonight, sir?"

Pelini: "F**k no!"


Situation: Parent-teacher conference

Pelini: "So, I see my kid has a f**kin' 'C' - is that right?"


Situation: On his kids' birthdays

Pelini: "Happy f**kin' birthday, sweetie."


Situation: At the end of a prayer at church

Pelini: "A-f**king-men"


Situation: Singing the National Anthem prior to a game

Pelini: "...Some f**kin' bombs in the air..."


Situation: Just prior to eating Thanksgiving dinner with the family

Pelini: "Who wants to say f**king grace?"


Situation: Wedding vows

Pelini: "I f**king do!"


Situation: Going to a movie with his wife

Pelini: "Yeah, two for f**kin' Rambo please."


Situation: Going to sleep with his wife

Wife: "I love you."

Pelini: "I f**king love you too! Mwah!"

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"