Germaphobic Nymphomaniacs

I find it so odd that alleged germaphobes can also be nymphomaniacs (male or female, even though I know the term is technically used for females). I know some people whom won't drink out of the same glass as another, will wash their hands more than they utter words throughout the course of a day, get freaked out about food and silverware at restaurants, yet when it comes to sex, they sleep around more than Gene Simmons of Kiss did during the prime of his career.

Hand-holding? Gross.

Penal-vaginal penetration? Yes, please.

When thinking about such individuals, I picture the following dialogue occurring between they and another at some point in time:

Setting: Two friends having dinner at Hooter's

::Germy Nympho's friend takes a fry off her plate::

Germy Nympho: "Ooh, that's gross! Did you wash your hands?"

Friend: "Before I came here, yeah"

Germy Nympho: "Oh my God! That's so sick! I can't eat any of these now. Here - let me give you all the fries."

Friend: "Wow... Seriously?"

Germy Nympho: "For real"

Friend: "Okay... Well, thanks, I guess..."

Germy Nympho: "You know how big of a germaphobe I am! Ugh! I've got the chills now! That grosses me out so much!"

Friend: "You need to chill. I wash my hands fairly regularly. Don't worry - I'm not going to get you sick or anything. Alright? Anyway, let's talk about something else. Are you seeing anyone?"

Germy Nympho: "That's funny."

Friend: "Why's that funny?"

Germy Nympho: "Well, let's see here. There was Todd on Monday, Mike on Tuesday, Jeff on Wednesday, and Tim, Bob, and Horatio yesterday."

Friend: "Holy crap! So, what? You're dating a few guys and just trying to find the right one?"

Germy Nympho: "Not exactly..."

Friend: "So, wait... What? I'm confused."

Germy Nympho: "What can I say? I love sex. I slept with all of those guys. I have an orgy to go to late tonight."

Friend: "Oh my gosh! You used protection, right?"

Germy Nympho: "No - who does that?"

Friend: "Eh, aren't you afraid of getting pregnant, or knowing you, STDs?"

Germy Nympho: "Nah. You only live once, right?"

Friend: "I suppose. Hey, are you done with your water? Mind if I have a sip?" ::touches Germy Nympho's glass::

Germy Nympho: "Hands off my glass, okay?!? I just can't go anywhere with you, can I? That's disgusting! You know what? I think I'm going to go. I'll pay my half of the bill and then head to that orgy. That way you won't be able to touch any more of my things!"

My podcast, "I Feel Snitty," is available at Amazon Music!

My podcast, "I Feel Snitty," can now be heard on Amazon Music/Audible! You can check it out at this link: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a42809aa-5c21-4807-affc-0bda98741438/I-Feel-Snitty-with-Craig-Rozniecki

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i...

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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