I got to talking to someone last week about how man and women tend to think differently. While men tend to be more black-and-white thinkers, women tend to think more in shades of grey, and while men seem to be more inclined to do their thinking and expressing with their mind(s - yes, the lower one at times too), women tend to exude more emotion when it comes to expression. These generalizations are just that, of course, since I know some women whom don't exude much emotion and tend to think in black-and-white terms, and know some men, such as myself, whom tend to think more in shades of grey. While she didn't dismiss the notion that these observations are generally accurate, she said guys tend to be more shades-of-grey thinkers with the topic of sex. She then rattled off some examples, such as, "Guys will say, 'It's not cheating if the woman is in a different area code or zip code.' That's not black-or-white thinking at all."
At this, I had to chuckle some, because I don't see this as some form of deep, shades-of-grey thinking on the behalf of guys whom actually believe in such cheating loopholes. I just see them as excuses to get laid and attempt to rid their consciences of any guilt. I'd also like to believe, perhaps naively, that many guys whom talk about such loopholes are just doing so trying to be humorous, like in the film Road Trip. In any case, I found a website devoted to such cheating loopholes, thought I'd list the top twenty, and respond thinking like the girlfriend in each of these scenarios.
It's not cheating if...
20. "You go home afterwards and fulfill your duty."
Like what? The dishes? Taking out the trash? Making certain to wake up for work the next day? Oh, sex? Yeah, and I'm sure the girlfriend would especially feel this wasn't cheating if she got infected with the other woman's STD or the other woman got pregnant.
Guy: "I wasn't cheating! I came home and fulfilled my duties!"
Girlfriend: "Another woman is having your baby and you don't call that cheating?"
Guy: "Did I fulfill my duties or not?"
Girlfriend: "Yeah, and now I've got herpes because of that!"
Guy: "Babies and herpes doesn't equal cheating, baby."
Yeah, I'm sure that would go over really well...
19. "They're on top."
I can't understand the logic of this. If a guy has sex with a woman, but she's on top, it's not cheating? If he's going to think like that, I suppose sex in general isn't cheating - whether he's on top, she's on top, they're doing it sideways, or giving kama sutra a gander.
18. "She's not human."
I find this one more disturbing than anything. What are we talking about here? A robot? An alien? A hole in the wall? A blow-up doll named Chastity? If a woman caught her boyfriend doing this, I think she'd be less prone to calling him a cheater than saying, "God, you're sick!" and leaving.
17. "You have two girls at the same time, so one invalidates the other."
I suppose this works in multiples of two. If a guy involves himself in a grand ol' orgy, where he and ten women are present, it's obvious he's not cheating. If there were nine women there, though, he'd either need to call an old fling to make that ten or drive home with his tail between his legs, realizing he had done wrong.
16. "You change the sheets afterwards."
So, I'm going to assume this means the guy did it at home? The bed he and his girlfriend have likely slept and fooled around on? Whether the sheets have been cleaned or not, once the girlfriend finds out another woman slept with him on them, she's going to want the sheets and mattress burned. If she's angry enough, a pyromaniac, and has some Lorena Bobbitt inside of her, she may want to burn something else as well.
15. "You get paid."
Yes, because payment makes everything moral, whether that be for sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll courtesy of a boy band.
14. "It's in a different zip code."
So it should be perfectly legal to have a girlfriend in every zip code in the country? Does this apply to marriages as well? At that, even old-school Mormons would be saying, "That's just too much..."
13. "It's with royalty."
I'm now going to have nightmares of that happening with the queen. Hypnotherapy may be needed before long here...
12. "It was actually them but you were thinking of someone else."
Guy: "Honey, I never cheated on you! I had sex with you, didn't I?"
Girlfriend: "But you were thinking of my sister?"
Guy: "Yeah, so what? What's the big deal."
That won't make family gatherings awkward at all...
11. "You get away with it."
A guy's friend: "So, did you sleep with that other woman?"
Guy: "Yeah, but I never got caught, so no."
Friend: "Wait... What?"
10. "She says it's okay."
...and if she said it was okay to jump off a bridge, shoot up heroin, or beat up a homeless man who goes by the name of Santa Claus, would that be okay too?
9. "You can please all of them."
Yeah, I can see that one going over well too.
Girlfriend: "So, you slept with her?"
Boyfriend: "Yeah. Is there a problem?"
Girlfriend: "You cheated on me?!? Yeah, I think there's a problem!"
Boyfriend: "Naw, naw, naw. She liked it. She really liked it - as much as you and all the others. So, everything's cool."
Girlfriend: "WHAT?!?"
Boyfriend: "Chill, baby. I like to please. What's the harm in that?"
Girlfriend: ::faces turns as red as Rudolph's nose and steam emanates from her scalp::
8. "You don't look them in the eye."
What if you're blind, or they're blind? Even if that's not the case, I don't think that reasoning will work either.
Girlfriend: "You penetrated between her legs with your manhood?"
Boyfriend: "But I didn't look her in the eyes when doing it, so it's not so bad when you think about it. I was thinking about you, so really, I was having sex with you more than her."
Survey says? Not going to work...
7. "You don't remember."
I have a hard time believing this. Even a person was beyond drunk, chances are he'd be able to put two and two together if he woke up next to another woman and starts itching down yonder. Blaming mosquito bites probably won't suffice...
6. "You're in a different area code, not to mention a different state."
What would the courts think of that logic if the guy was married?
Judge: "Oh? He was in Western Iowa when this happened and the two of you live in Eastern Nebraska? So, about thirty minutes away? That's not adultery. Dismissed."
5. "It's a threesome."
Does the threesome involve the girlfriend? Hmm? Two other guys? Two prostitutes? In any case, it doesn't sound very faithful...
4. "You spread peanut butter on your balls and your dog licks it off."
I'm not going to even comment on that one. Thanks, Road Trip.
3. "It's with a celebrity."
What are we talking about here? A major movie star? A musician? An actor who had one line from a porno back in the '80s?
2. "They're twins."
I'm going to assume this is only for identical twins. Even if that's the case, however, chances are if a person has been dating one of them for a decent amount of time, he'd be able to tell the difference between the two, and if not, there's a good chance the twin would say something if the guy made a move on her. So, I'm not thinking this is going to work either, and if it did, that's one messed up family right there.
1. "They look similar, then it's just a tribute."
Just like if a boy band did a cover of a Beatles song, they could say, "We're the Beatles now..." I don't think so...
Like I said at the start of this blog, I believe these "rules" are just excuses for guys to get laid to rid themselves of guilt. If any guys actually believe these rules pertain to real life, they may way to resort to #18, and start dating and doing the deed with a non-human, because that's the only one that won't argue with their reasoning.
http://www.itsnotcheatingif.com/top20.php
At this, I had to chuckle some, because I don't see this as some form of deep, shades-of-grey thinking on the behalf of guys whom actually believe in such cheating loopholes. I just see them as excuses to get laid and attempt to rid their consciences of any guilt. I'd also like to believe, perhaps naively, that many guys whom talk about such loopholes are just doing so trying to be humorous, like in the film Road Trip. In any case, I found a website devoted to such cheating loopholes, thought I'd list the top twenty, and respond thinking like the girlfriend in each of these scenarios.
It's not cheating if...
20. "You go home afterwards and fulfill your duty."
Like what? The dishes? Taking out the trash? Making certain to wake up for work the next day? Oh, sex? Yeah, and I'm sure the girlfriend would especially feel this wasn't cheating if she got infected with the other woman's STD or the other woman got pregnant.
Guy: "I wasn't cheating! I came home and fulfilled my duties!"
Girlfriend: "Another woman is having your baby and you don't call that cheating?"
Guy: "Did I fulfill my duties or not?"
Girlfriend: "Yeah, and now I've got herpes because of that!"
Guy: "Babies and herpes doesn't equal cheating, baby."
Yeah, I'm sure that would go over really well...
19. "They're on top."
I can't understand the logic of this. If a guy has sex with a woman, but she's on top, it's not cheating? If he's going to think like that, I suppose sex in general isn't cheating - whether he's on top, she's on top, they're doing it sideways, or giving kama sutra a gander.
18. "She's not human."
I find this one more disturbing than anything. What are we talking about here? A robot? An alien? A hole in the wall? A blow-up doll named Chastity? If a woman caught her boyfriend doing this, I think she'd be less prone to calling him a cheater than saying, "God, you're sick!" and leaving.
17. "You have two girls at the same time, so one invalidates the other."
I suppose this works in multiples of two. If a guy involves himself in a grand ol' orgy, where he and ten women are present, it's obvious he's not cheating. If there were nine women there, though, he'd either need to call an old fling to make that ten or drive home with his tail between his legs, realizing he had done wrong.
16. "You change the sheets afterwards."
So, I'm going to assume this means the guy did it at home? The bed he and his girlfriend have likely slept and fooled around on? Whether the sheets have been cleaned or not, once the girlfriend finds out another woman slept with him on them, she's going to want the sheets and mattress burned. If she's angry enough, a pyromaniac, and has some Lorena Bobbitt inside of her, she may want to burn something else as well.
15. "You get paid."
Yes, because payment makes everything moral, whether that be for sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll courtesy of a boy band.
14. "It's in a different zip code."
So it should be perfectly legal to have a girlfriend in every zip code in the country? Does this apply to marriages as well? At that, even old-school Mormons would be saying, "That's just too much..."
13. "It's with royalty."
I'm now going to have nightmares of that happening with the queen. Hypnotherapy may be needed before long here...
12. "It was actually them but you were thinking of someone else."
Guy: "Honey, I never cheated on you! I had sex with you, didn't I?"
Girlfriend: "But you were thinking of my sister?"
Guy: "Yeah, so what? What's the big deal."
That won't make family gatherings awkward at all...
11. "You get away with it."
A guy's friend: "So, did you sleep with that other woman?"
Guy: "Yeah, but I never got caught, so no."
Friend: "Wait... What?"
10. "She says it's okay."
...and if she said it was okay to jump off a bridge, shoot up heroin, or beat up a homeless man who goes by the name of Santa Claus, would that be okay too?
9. "You can please all of them."
Yeah, I can see that one going over well too.
Girlfriend: "So, you slept with her?"
Boyfriend: "Yeah. Is there a problem?"
Girlfriend: "You cheated on me?!? Yeah, I think there's a problem!"
Boyfriend: "Naw, naw, naw. She liked it. She really liked it - as much as you and all the others. So, everything's cool."
Girlfriend: "WHAT?!?"
Boyfriend: "Chill, baby. I like to please. What's the harm in that?"
Girlfriend: ::faces turns as red as Rudolph's nose and steam emanates from her scalp::
8. "You don't look them in the eye."
What if you're blind, or they're blind? Even if that's not the case, I don't think that reasoning will work either.
Girlfriend: "You penetrated between her legs with your manhood?"
Boyfriend: "But I didn't look her in the eyes when doing it, so it's not so bad when you think about it. I was thinking about you, so really, I was having sex with you more than her."
Survey says? Not going to work...
7. "You don't remember."
I have a hard time believing this. Even a person was beyond drunk, chances are he'd be able to put two and two together if he woke up next to another woman and starts itching down yonder. Blaming mosquito bites probably won't suffice...
6. "You're in a different area code, not to mention a different state."
What would the courts think of that logic if the guy was married?
Judge: "Oh? He was in Western Iowa when this happened and the two of you live in Eastern Nebraska? So, about thirty minutes away? That's not adultery. Dismissed."
5. "It's a threesome."
Does the threesome involve the girlfriend? Hmm? Two other guys? Two prostitutes? In any case, it doesn't sound very faithful...
4. "You spread peanut butter on your balls and your dog licks it off."
I'm not going to even comment on that one. Thanks, Road Trip.
3. "It's with a celebrity."
What are we talking about here? A major movie star? A musician? An actor who had one line from a porno back in the '80s?
2. "They're twins."
I'm going to assume this is only for identical twins. Even if that's the case, however, chances are if a person has been dating one of them for a decent amount of time, he'd be able to tell the difference between the two, and if not, there's a good chance the twin would say something if the guy made a move on her. So, I'm not thinking this is going to work either, and if it did, that's one messed up family right there.
1. "They look similar, then it's just a tribute."
Just like if a boy band did a cover of a Beatles song, they could say, "We're the Beatles now..." I don't think so...
Like I said at the start of this blog, I believe these "rules" are just excuses for guys to get laid to rid themselves of guilt. If any guys actually believe these rules pertain to real life, they may way to resort to #18, and start dating and doing the deed with a non-human, because that's the only one that won't argue with their reasoning.
http://www.itsnotcheatingif.com/top20.php
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