Skip to main content

The male version of the crazy cat lady

If my relationship ultimately doesn't work out, I may try to start a new trend and date either a straight guy or a lesbian. We seem to understand one another more than people I'm attracted to - heterosexual women. We could just chill, watch football, drink beer (a Jack and Coke for me), listen to rock music, and not ever worry about sex, because there wouldn't be any - between us anyway. Of course, if those cravings arose, we'd have to go elsewhere and that could complicate matters.

Him: "Dude, I'm doing somebody."

Me: "Yeah, I know."

Him: "I think I'm in love."

Me: "Crap. So, where's this leave us?"

Him: "Where we've always been - best friends, except I'm going to move in with her."

Me: "::sighs:: I knew this would happen. Aren't I good enough for you?"

Him: "Well, aren't you doing somebody too?"

Me: "No"

Him: "Are you gay or something?"

Me: "Did I ever hit on you?"

Him: "There was that one time you grabbed my butt during a game of football."

Me: "I smacked it. Lots of football players do that."

Him: "I've felt those kind of smacks. That was a grab. You were feeling around down there for at least five seconds."

Me: "Whatever, but no, I'm not gay."

Him: "Alright, well, I've got plenty of guys and gals I could send over here to take care of that for you if you want..."

Me: "No, that's alright."

Him: "Dude, you are gay!"

Me: "Am not! Whatever! Go and have fun with your girlfriend!"

Him: "I will! More fun than you're having with your right hand!"

Me: "I'm ambidextrous!"

Him: "Ambi - what? Bi? You're bi? I knew you were gay!"

Me: "What? That's not what I said!"

Him: "Alright. Well, I'm all packed now. I'll see ya around."

Okay, so perhaps that's not such a good idea. Maybe I could just become the male version of the crazy cat lady.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i...
Post a Comment
Read more