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Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin simultaneously comes out against gay marriage and our military

Remember when the Supreme Court overturned the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA)? Yes, that was a special moment for many. However, Oklahoma Governor and politician voted most likely to be a wicked witch - Mary Fallin - wasn't as "gay" about DOMA being overturned. You see, the Supreme Court's decision resulted in, amongst other things, service-members with same-sex spouses becoming eligible for federal benefits. Ms. Fallin hated this so much, she announced earlier in the month that state-owned National Guard facilities would no longer allow ANY married couples to apply for spousal benefits. It doesn't matter if the couple is homosexual, heterosexual, or if it involves two women, a guy, a turtle, and a cut-out of Hulk Hogan, the couple wouldn't be eligible for benefits. Ms. Fallin is against gay marriage to such a point that she's come out against the troops. The Oklahoma Governor has one thing going for her, I suppose - she can now say she supports equality, as in when it comes to National Guard members, she doesn't support rights at all, regardless of the person.

With Ms. Fallin's mindset on the matter, just imagine if she became president in the distant future, after homosexuals attained equality under the law...

Reporter George Snuffleupagus: "So what will your first move be as president?"

Mary Fallin: "To take away gays' rights, but make people equal at the same time."

Snuffleupagus: "...and how in the world do you plan on doing that?"

Fallin: "First off, I'm going to tackle the marriage problem in this country. I can't stand the thought of two men or two women being married to one another. So, you know what? I'm going to make it so no one can get married. You see what I did there? I took away gays' rights and made everyone equal at the same time. You didn't think I could do it, did you?"

Snuffleupagus: "No, actually... But, really? Not even heterosexual couples will be able to get married now?"

Fallin: "Nope. I'm about being anti-LGQPTB or whatever the heck it is first and foremost and equality second."

Snuffleupagus: "Okay... But didn't you run as the candidate for freedom?"

Fallin: "You know it! That was my platform, being the candidate from the party for freedom! I love this country! It's the greatest country on earth!"

Snuffleupagus: "So, you're going to support freedom by taking away not only gays' rights, but everyone's rights?"

Fallin: "Don't try to twist my words around, buddy! I support freedom!"

Snuffleupagus: "Okay, we'll get back to that. What else do you plan on doing when you become president?"

Fallin: "Since gay couples can live together, I'm going to make it illegal for any couples to live together."

Snuffleupagus: "Is this you supporting freedom again?"

Fallin: "Always and forever"

Snuffleupagus: "I'm sorry I keep going back to this, but how can you say you support freedom when you're intent on taking people's rights away?"

Fallin: "Freedom and rights are two completely different things. If I have the freedom to do something, that doesn't mean I have the rights to do it, you know?"

Snuffleupagus: "Not exactly. You kind of lost me there and at least once before as well. Moving on... Do you have any more pro-freedom-taking-away-rights moves to tell me about?"

Fallin: "Oh yeah, I almost forgot - since gay people can be in the military, I'm just going to do away with the military entirely."

Snuffleupagus: "Wow! That's a shocking statement if I do say so myself. Didn't you campaign on fighting off terrorism, keeping our country safe, and increasing funding for our military?"

Fallin: "Yeah, but I changed my mind. The gays ruined it for everybody, didn't they? Hey, if I'm going to be about freedom, equality, and strength, these are the moves I have to make."

::a minute of silence::

Fallin: "Are you okay over there? You seem kind of quiet."

Snuffleupagus: "Yeah. I'm just trying to think of which country my family and I should move to in the next week or two. Anyway, I should probably cut this interview a little short and begin the moving process. Thank you for your time and best of luck."

http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2013/11/19/2970531/oklahoma-national-guard/

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