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Donald Trump roasts everyone

In a surprise move, GOP presidential frontrunner Donald Trump, encouraged by his improving poll numbers following disparaging comments he made about almost every single demographic known to man, decided to deliver a speech today, which he called, "Donald Trump Roasts America." Here's the transcript of the speech:

"Hey losers. I'm not going to waste any more time here. So let me start with the Mexicans. Why do all of you seem to be named Juan? Is that because you don't 'Juan' to speak no English? When it comes to the Jews, I could give you the most offensive joke ever about them and they'd be cool with it, so long as I gave them something in return. Are there any blacks out there? I don't see too many of ya. The rest of you are probably in prison saying your lives matter, am I right? That brings me to women. Oh how I love women. I love them so much I've married three of them. I should rephrase that and say they love me. One thing I've learned, fellas, is that if there's one thing all women love more than shopping, cooking, cleaning, gossip, constant nagging, and Magic Mike, it's money, and I'm packing a whole lot of that. Guys, if you want a hot woman to show you her big, big, big, big, um, persona, show her a large wad of money and she'll show you that persona. Onto Asians... Whenever I sit down at an Asian restaurant, I look at the person taking my order and I say, 'I'll have a large order of love you long time.' Who haven't I gotten to yet? Oh yeah, Muslims, of course... Hold on a sec and let me draw a cartoon of that one guy. What's his name? Prophet Muhammad Ali. We'll see what they do now. There's a good reason 'Muslim' rhymes with 'terrorist,' right? Hey, you know the only guys who have had more wives than I've had? Mormons. Okay, I'm now going to take the next 10 minutes to mock every single mental health disorder and physical handicap I can think of. I'm going to start with epimilepsy or whatever it's called. Okay, here I go..."

It was at this point Fox News decided to cut out and show something only slightly less offensive, Hannity.

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