Skip to main content

Donald Trump roasts everyone

In a surprise move, GOP presidential frontrunner Donald Trump, encouraged by his improving poll numbers following disparaging comments he made about almost every single demographic known to man, decided to deliver a speech today, which he called, "Donald Trump Roasts America." Here's the transcript of the speech:

"Hey losers. I'm not going to waste any more time here. So let me start with the Mexicans. Why do all of you seem to be named Juan? Is that because you don't 'Juan' to speak no English? When it comes to the Jews, I could give you the most offensive joke ever about them and they'd be cool with it, so long as I gave them something in return. Are there any blacks out there? I don't see too many of ya. The rest of you are probably in prison saying your lives matter, am I right? That brings me to women. Oh how I love women. I love them so much I've married three of them. I should rephrase that and say they love me. One thing I've learned, fellas, is that if there's one thing all women love more than shopping, cooking, cleaning, gossip, constant nagging, and Magic Mike, it's money, and I'm packing a whole lot of that. Guys, if you want a hot woman to show you her big, big, big, big, um, persona, show her a large wad of money and she'll show you that persona. Onto Asians... Whenever I sit down at an Asian restaurant, I look at the person taking my order and I say, 'I'll have a large order of love you long time.' Who haven't I gotten to yet? Oh yeah, Muslims, of course... Hold on a sec and let me draw a cartoon of that one guy. What's his name? Prophet Muhammad Ali. We'll see what they do now. There's a good reason 'Muslim' rhymes with 'terrorist,' right? Hey, you know the only guys who have had more wives than I've had? Mormons. Okay, I'm now going to take the next 10 minutes to mock every single mental health disorder and physical handicap I can think of. I'm going to start with epimilepsy or whatever it's called. Okay, here I go..."

It was at this point Fox News decided to cut out and show something only slightly less offensive, Hannity.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...

Trump's Lie Tally at the CNN Debate

1) "We had the greatest economy in the history of our country. We had never done so well. Every – everybody was amazed by it. Other countries were copying us." 2) "But the thing we never got the credit for, and we should have, is getting us out of that COVID mess." 3) "The only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants and bounceback jobs; they’re bounced back from the COVID." 4) "Not going to drive them higher. It’s just going to cause countries that have been ripping us off for years, like China and many others, in all fairness to China – it’s going to just force them to pay us a lot of money, reduce our deficit tremendously, and give us a lot of power for other things." (tariffs) 5) "He also said he inherited 9 percent inflation." 6) "No, he inherited almost no inflation and it stayed that way for 14 months. And then it blew up under his leadership, because they spent money like a bunch of people that didn’t know what t...