Trump's health is frickin' unbelievable!

Donald Trump's doctor, Harold Bornstein, recently released the GOP presidential frontrunner's medical report, and I felt the need to share it with readers. Apparently, when one hangs around The Donald enough, he/she starts speaking like him. Here's the medical report, and no, this is not an Onion article:

"To Whom My Concern:

I have been the personal physician of Mr. Donald J. Trump since 1980. His previous physician was my father, Dr. Jacob Bornstein. Over the past 39 years, I am pleased to report that Mr. Trump has no significant medical problems. Mr. Trump has had a recent complete medical examination that showed only positive results. Actually, his blood pressure, 110/65, and laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent.

Over the past twelve months, he has lost at least fifteen pounds. Mr. Trump takes 81 mg of aspirin daily and a low dose of statin. His PSA test score is 0.15 (very low). His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.

Mr. Trump has suffered no form of cancer, has never had a hip, knee or shoulder replacement or any other orthopedic surgery. His only surgery was an appendectomy at age ten. His cardiovascular status is excellent. He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products.

If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency."

Trump responded to the report by saying, "I am proud to share this health report, written by the highly respected Dr. Jacob Bornstein of Lenox Hill Hospital." Jacob Bornstein, Harold Bornstein's father, died in 2010 at the age of 93.

Based on how the report was written, I have a sneaking suspicion The Donald coauthored it. How many times have you heard a doctor utter the following lines?

- "Laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent"

- "His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary"

- "His cardiovascular status is excellent"

- "(He) will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency"

Not only that, Dr. Bornstein seems to despise details just like Trump:

- "Trump has no significant medical problems"

- "His medical examination only showed positive results"

- "He's lost at least fifteen pounds in the past twelve months"

- "He takes aspirin daily" (what for?)

Based on this medical report and Trump's seeming ability to get those closest to him to speak like him, expect to hear the following quotes at some point in the future:

Setting: Trump's dentist talking about the billionaire

"The man's teeth are astonishingly excellent."

Setting: Trump's barber talking about their relationship

"That guy's hair is frickin' amazing."

Setting: Trump's wife talking about their sex life

"Donald's stamina is very very very extraordinary."

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/12/14/the-donald-s-trumped-up-medical-report.html

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/statement-on-donald-j.-trump-record-of-health

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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