"Marley & Me" Saves Families...or so I'm told

That's right, the film starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston and a dog named after Bob Marley saves families. I didn't know this until yesterday, when a friend of mine posted a status on Facebook asking if she was the only person to not like the movie and a friend of her's laid claim that because of that very movie, she and her family are closer than ever, that it in essence saved the family.

Never in my life did I ponder for a moment, "Forget religion. Forget politics. Forget employment. Forget illness. Forget education. Forget vacation. What brings families together is 'Marley & Me'!" Okay, so perhaps I'm being a tad (very) sarcastic.

I don't know this woman's story. In any case, I'm glad that she's doing better, as is the rest of her family. However, I still have trouble buying the tale that they were saved by this film. I can't help but laugh at the notion.

Let me give some hypothetical examples that this woman's story could compare to in order to illustrate its ridiculousness:

"'Twilight' made me realize that my dream can ultimately be achieved. If a film (series of films) can be that bad and become so popular, why would it be so unfathomable for me to become successful in Hollywood? I've already started writing a script for a film which will be called, 'An Ostrich, An Emu, A Polish Farmer and A Cloning of Adam Lambert'. It's going to be a sure-fire winner! I guarantee it!"

"'Psycho' made me realize that wanting to kill my husband was wrong and it made me love him more than ever."

"'Forrest Gump' made me realize that my husband really isn't an idiot. He's just a tad slow sometimes and the film helped me become more patient with him. Instead of expecting him to clean the entire house in 2 hours, I will now give him 3."

"'American Beauty' helped me see the beauty in my wife. Ever since she had the octuplets, she's been fatter than a Sumo wrestler eating only big macs for breakfast, brunch, lunch, linner, dinner and a midnight snack. I thought of her as quite ugly and I couldn't even look at her, but based on that bag blowing in the wind, I now see my wife for who she is and she's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes, I mean, the most beautiful person in the world."

"'Brokeback Mountain' helped me see that it's okay to leave my unemployed wife and 17 kids to follow my true self and the man whom completes me - Deion."

"David Lynch films made me feel less guilt about being addicted to drugs. I may eventually get arrested and/or die from these addictions, but at least I'll die high and full of wild and crazy ideas."

"Tom Cruise films instilled in me a confidence I hadn't previously felt. It helped me realize that it's okay to be short and a little loony. I can be considered a hunk if I'm 5'6'' and it's alright if I go to a store and jump from couch to couch or mattress to mattress. Tom Cruise did it. So can I!"

"'Showgirls' gave me an appreciation for what my mother does for a living. I now respect her more. What she does is hard work and even though I'm only 6, I have a new-found cognizance and appreciation for her and what she does every night."

"'Shrek' provided me with hope. I may be green, have bad breath, odd eating habits and a bit funny looking, but I now know it's my destiny to marry a beautiful princess."

"My wife and I both have a crush on George Clooney. Whenever we watch one of his films together, we are filled with creativity and fire. Some of the things we do on such occasions are probably outlawed in most states and countries. Have you ever had a night which included: A trampoline, basketball hoop, laundry basket, watermelons, a vacuum cleaner and a can of diet 7-up? I didn't think so."

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Search This Blog