Skip to main content

Chuck Norris encourages Jacksonville to sign Tim Tebow

I seriously thought an article I read this morning was by The Onion when I first saw it, but I guess it's the real deal. Action-film legend Chuck Norris wrote an op-ed column on the conservative site Newsbusters encouraging the Jacksonville Jaguars to sign former New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow.

In the column, Norris wrote:

"Tebow is a player who rises to the occasion and delivers big in critical moments. He reminds me of myself when I used to compete in martial arts."

I'm sure, at his age, Norris does rise to the occasion, thanks to Viagra.

Seriously, though, why in the world would an NFL football team take the advice from an elderly former movie star on who they should sign? ...and why would this former movie star think they would heed his advice?

In my mind, this is what Chuck Norris should have written in the column:

"I may not have played high school football, college ball, pro ball, or even watched the sport very much, but I know a winner when I see one and that winner is Tim Tebow. I don't know anything about him other than he's big, strong, and Christian. I think he's a quarterback, but I'm not 100% positive of that. In any case, I truly believe it would be in the best interests of the Jacksonville Jaguars to sign Tebow. This is coming from me, Chuck Norris - the only man Freddy Krueger fears. I may not know much about how to score in football, what the rules are, or even which team is which, but I know football, know Tim Tebow, and know Tim Tebow should play football for the Jacksonville Jaguars. I'm Chuck Norris and not only do I approve this message, I kicked this message's a*s!"

Segueing from that, expect to see the following headlines at some point in the future:

- "Sly Stallone suggests the Dodgers should sign Mickey Mantle"

- "Schwarzenegger feels refs should be eligible receivers for the home team"

- "Van Damme wants 3-pointers to be worth 7"

- "Seagal thinks the Chicago Blackhawks should go skateless"

- "Nobody cares for former action stars' advice in the sports world"

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/9304223/chuck-norris-lauds-tim-tebow-urges-jacksonville-jaguars-sign-him
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

Mentioned on Crooks and Liars and Hinterland Gazette!

Due to some tweets of mine, I got mentioned on the following two sites (all my tweets can be viewed here -  https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki ): https://crooksandliars.com/2019/04/trump-gives-stupid-advice-george https://hinterlandgazette.com/2019/03/istandwithschiff-is-trending-after-donald-trump-led-gop-attack-on-adam-schiff-backfires-spectacularly.html
Post a Comment
Read more

Face guarding is legal in college football and the NFL

I just wanted to remind fans and announcers especially, that face guarding is legal in both college football and the NFL. It all comes down to contact. So long as a defender doesn't make contact with an intended receiver, he doesn't have to turn around to play the ball. I can't tell you how many times every week I hear announcers talk about face guarding being a penalty. It's not. I even heard one announcer yesterday state, "If the defender doesn't turn around and play the ball, the ref will call pass interference every time." That's simply not true. Courtesy of referee Bill LeMonnier, he says this with regard to the rule at the college level (answered on 8/12/13): "NCAA rules on pass interference require the face guarding to have contact to be a foul. No contact, no foul by NCAA rules." In the NFL rule book, this is written:  "Actions that constitute defensive pass interference include but are not limited to: (a) Contact by a ...
2 comments
Read more