Skip to main content

The Story of Big T: The Man with a Big Truck and a Big Gun

Setting: A bar by the name of Big Bulges in Climax, Georgia

Trevor Yankton: ::walks up to a lady at the bar:: "Hey good lookin'. How's about you and I go back to my truck and make-out for a while?"

Crystal Domeyah: "Excuse me? I'm not THAT easy!"

Yankton: "I thought you's was that one gal that the entire football team did, even the mascot and waterboy..."

Domeyah: "Well, yeah! ...but still... Buy me a drink and then I'll go back to your truck with you."

Yankton: "Sounds good. What would you like?"

Domeyah: "Just a Coors Light would be fine."

Yankton: "Hey, bartender, one Coors Light for my new lady friend over here."

Bartender Timothy Tebow: "Again, Crystal? How many free Coors Lights is that this month? 6? 7?"

Domeyah: "Very funny, Timmy. I've lost track, but I think this will be #26."

Tebow: "Geez... Well, have fun you two!"

Yankton: "Alright, so, let's go back to my truck, Crystal, was it?"

Domeyah: "Yeah. What's your name?"

Yankton: "Trevor, Trev, or Big T as all my girlfriends have called me, if you know what I mean..."

Domeyah: "I'm sure I do. So, which truck is yours, Big T?"

Yankton: "The biggest one out there! You see it? Right over there..."

::they walk over to Big T's big honkin' truck and hop inside::

Yankton: "So, how should we do this?"

Domeyah: "Do you have a condom?"

Yankton: "Crap! I think I left those at home."

Domeyah: "How far away do you live?"

Yankton: "Oh, just down the street, over in that really nice trailer park..."

Domeyah: "How about we go to your place then?"

Yankton: "Sounds good. Get ready to have your mind blown!"

::Big T drives his big honkin' truck to his place and the two head inside his trailer::

Yankton: "So, what do you think?"

Domeyah: "It's nice - a lot nicer than the trailer where I'm living."

Yankton: "You see? I told ya!"

Domeyah: "What is that?"

Yankton: "What's what?"

Domeyah: "That big thing over there?"

Yankton: "Oh, that's my gun. I bought the biggest one at the gun shop near here. Big T has gotta have the biggest truck and biggest gun, you know what I'm sayin'?"

Domeyah: "Indeed... So, let's cut it with the foreplay and let's put Big T into action! Where are your condoms at?"

Yankton: "My room. Follow me..."

::the two start making out::

Domeyah: "Are you ready?"

Yankton: "Oh, I was born ready! Big T is always ready!"

Domeyah: "Alright, let me see this bad boy..." ::pause:: "Where is it?"

Yankton: "Well, it's dark and stuff. Are you wearing your glasses?"

Domeyah: "I don't wear glasses and the lights are on. Where is it? Where is Big T?"

Yankton: "It's down there somewhere."

Domeyah: ::grabs a magnifying glass:: "Holy crap! That's it? That's Big T?"

Yankton: "Yeah, do you like it?"

Domeyah: ::laughs hysterically::

Yankton: "What? What's so funny?"

Domeyah: "I ain't never seen something that small! Ha! Big T! That's funny!"

Yankton: "Hey, shut up! Don't forget, I've got the biggest truck and biggest gun!"

Domeyah: "That's about all you've got. I better go. I think I'm going to give that mascot and waterboy a call. See ya later, Little T."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i...