Once in a great while, a politician comes along with whom we feel a certain connection with. In-terns likely felt this connection with former President Bill Clinton, both literally and figuratively. Kindergarteners likely felt this connection with ex-President George W. Bush. I've felt this connection with Minnesota Congresswoman and person voted to have the scariest eyes this side of Charles Manson - Michele Bachmann. Whenever Bachmann spoke, I felt a little more intelligent, sane, and well, human. She was like my afternoon talk show, where after hearing her speak, I thought to myself, "You know what? My life isn't so bad after all!"
So understandably, I was quite saddened to hear that Ms. Bachmann won't be running for another term come the election in 2014. Thankfully, whenever I'm feeling a little blue, I'll be able to turn to the Internet(s - thanks for that one, Dubya) to hear some of Bachmann's classic quotes, such as the following:
Bachmann: "Before we get started, let's all say 'Happy Birthday' to Elvis Presley today." (This was said on August 16th of 2011. Presley was born on January 8th).
My reaction: She was only 5 or 7 months off, depending on how you think about it. I guess, for her, that's not too bad. Way to go, Ms. Bachmann!
Bachmann: "But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. ... I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly -- men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country."
My reaction: Given the fact John Quincy Adams was 8-years old at the time, he was not a Founding Father. If Adams had been a Founding Father, a portion of the Declaration of Independence would read as such:
"This country is about three things - life, games, and the pursuit of snacks."
Bachmann: "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."
My reaction: The swine flu broke out in 1976, when Gerald Ford was president, who last I heard, was a Republican. Besides being wrong about the particular president and the party, she was spot on with everything else.
I'm surprised after the Benghazi attacks, Bachmann didn't say, "I find it interesting that it was back in the early 2000s that the 9/11 attacks happened, then under another Democrat president, Bill Clinton. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." Indeed...
Bachmann: "Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have too."
My reaction: That would be serial killer John Wayne Gacy. I can just hear the following ad if Ms. Bachmann ever ran for office again:
"'She has the spirit of John Wayne Gacy. She has the charisma of Charles Manson. She has the vision of David Berkowitz and the hunger of Jeffrey Dahmer. She is Michele Bachmann - a woman of family values. Vote Bachmann or else!' 'I'm Michele Bachmann and I approve this message.'"
Bachmann: "I will tell you that I had a mother last night come up to me here in Tampa, Florida, after the debate. She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine that injection and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter."
My reaction: Oddly enough, Ms. Bachmann has never "took that vaccine that injection" and she seems to have suffered similar results thereafter.
Yes, I'm really going to miss her...
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/republicans/a/michele-bachmann-quotes.htm
http://www.policymic.com/articles/45119/michele-bachmann-quotes-her-7-worst-ever
So understandably, I was quite saddened to hear that Ms. Bachmann won't be running for another term come the election in 2014. Thankfully, whenever I'm feeling a little blue, I'll be able to turn to the Internet(s - thanks for that one, Dubya) to hear some of Bachmann's classic quotes, such as the following:
Bachmann: "Before we get started, let's all say 'Happy Birthday' to Elvis Presley today." (This was said on August 16th of 2011. Presley was born on January 8th).
My reaction: She was only 5 or 7 months off, depending on how you think about it. I guess, for her, that's not too bad. Way to go, Ms. Bachmann!
Bachmann: "But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. ... I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly -- men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country."
My reaction: Given the fact John Quincy Adams was 8-years old at the time, he was not a Founding Father. If Adams had been a Founding Father, a portion of the Declaration of Independence would read as such:
"This country is about three things - life, games, and the pursuit of snacks."
Bachmann: "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."
My reaction: The swine flu broke out in 1976, when Gerald Ford was president, who last I heard, was a Republican. Besides being wrong about the particular president and the party, she was spot on with everything else.
I'm surprised after the Benghazi attacks, Bachmann didn't say, "I find it interesting that it was back in the early 2000s that the 9/11 attacks happened, then under another Democrat president, Bill Clinton. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." Indeed...
Bachmann: "Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have too."
My reaction: That would be serial killer John Wayne Gacy. I can just hear the following ad if Ms. Bachmann ever ran for office again:
"'She has the spirit of John Wayne Gacy. She has the charisma of Charles Manson. She has the vision of David Berkowitz and the hunger of Jeffrey Dahmer. She is Michele Bachmann - a woman of family values. Vote Bachmann or else!' 'I'm Michele Bachmann and I approve this message.'"
Bachmann: "I will tell you that I had a mother last night come up to me here in Tampa, Florida, after the debate. She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine that injection and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter."
My reaction: Oddly enough, Ms. Bachmann has never "took that vaccine that injection" and she seems to have suffered similar results thereafter.
Yes, I'm really going to miss her...
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/republicans/a/michele-bachmann-quotes.htm
http://www.policymic.com/articles/45119/michele-bachmann-quotes-her-7-worst-ever
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