Unfortunately, as is so often the case in the fall months, a devastating hurricane struck the U.S. just recently - this time along the northeastern part of the country by way of one Hurricane Sandy.
What's also been common in light of these devastating hurricanes is at least one religious leader going off the deep end with comments explaining exactly why that particular hurricane took place. Preacher and sexiest man this side of nowhere - John McTernan - is just the latest such person to enlighten the masses with his infinite wisdom regarding natural disasters.
In a blog on his website, McTernan wrote:
"Just last August, Hurricane Isaac hit New Orleans seven years later, on the exact day of Hurricane Katrina. Both hit during the week of the homosexual event called Southern Decadence in New Orleans!"
That's not all! Oh no... Since Hurricane Sandy struck the U.S. 21 years after what was called "The Perfect Storm," and the number 3 is considered to be quite significant from a Biblical perspective, McTernan also wrote this:
"Twenty-one years breaks down to 7 x 3, which is a significant number with God. Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection.
It appears that God gave America 21 years to repent of interfering with His prophetic plan for Israel; however, it has gotten worse under all the presidents and especially Obama. Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem. Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda. America is under political judgment and the church does not know it!"
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Not only are gays to blame for AIDS, ruining the sanctity of marriage and Glee, but also for hurricanes! Is it any wonder that Miami of Florida's football program has been in so much trouble through the years? What's their team nickname? The Hurricanes. God is obviously punishing them for homosexuality in this country. God is also obviously speaking to us through numbers and equations. He was after all a math major at TUOTOAOC (The University of The One and Only Creator). Of course, he was the top student in his class, but then again, he was the only student, being that he was himself the one and only creator. So, with numbers and equations as our guide, what else can God tell us? As I attempt to crawl inside the tiny noggin of John McTernan, I'll let him explain to you just what God is trying to tell us by using other significant numbers from The Bible. Here we go...
Number: 22
McTernanesque wisdom: "Here is your equation for this Sunday: 44 / 2 = 22. It is in the 22nd chapter of Revelation that The Bible comes to an end. It can be by no coincidence then that on the 44th day of the 2nd month - so February 44th - Armageddon will be upon us. If President Obama is re-elected, count on the world to end at the start of his second term - February 44th of 2013!"
Number: 40
McTernanesque wisdom: "It's a fact that 36 + 4 = 40. I just double-checked using my calculator and I'm telling you - it's true! Jesus uttered the word 'fulfill' about 40 times in the Gospels. That's a scientific fact as well. It's also a fact that when I went to a hospital last night, I saw 4 women who had obviously been filled many times, as they underwent 36 total abortions. That again brings us to the number I mentioned earlier - 40. These 4 women had 36 total abortions and in just a few minutes! They obviously weren't filled with the Lord's love and have been filled by Satan himself! It has now come before us to fill them with prayer before another man fills them again, like I did 9 months ago upon resisting temptation for 40 days. Amen."
Number: 12
McTernanesque wisdom: "The Lord spoke to me in a dream last night and provided me with a series of numbers to relay unto you. The numbers went something like this: 5, 4, 3. He kept repeating that: 5, 4, 3, 5, 4, 3, 5, 4, 3. It's obvious what he was trying to tell me, isn't it? He was counting down. What was missing? The 2 and the 1. Yet, since he was kind of counting in reverse, he wanted me to reverse the numbers for you. What's that make the number now? 12. How many apostles were there? You guessed it - 12 of them. What the Lord was trying to tell me was that we all need to follow him like his 12 apostles did. This can't happen if you're a liberal or a Democrat - or worst yet, a liberal Democrat. If you are, then you can't be a follower of The Jesus. Speaking of following, I followed this lady around a while back. Her name was Flo and even though she asked me to never call her such, I told everyone she was my girlfriend. The following got to be a bit much for Flo and she took me to court. I gave the apostle defense - that I was following her on direct orders from Jesus, of whom I was an apostle, and the case was dismissed. So, be a follower of Jesus and Flo if you find her, but not of liberals or Democrats."
Number: 10
McTernanesque wisdom: "I found a lottery ticket yesterday just lying on the ground outside a club called 'Shake Those Fakes.' On this ticket read one number. I looked at it again and again, thinking something had to be wrong. I even rubbed my eyes, gently smacked myself on the face and placed on my Oakley sunglasses to make certain the glare from the sun wasn't disrupting my vision at all, as well as to look cool in front of the ladies walking out of 'Shake Those Fakes.' I then realized there was nothing wrong with this ticket. It was a sign from God. The only number on the ticket was 10. He was telling me to tell you that as difficult as it can be sometimes, it is of the utmost importance to follow the Ten Commandments. It's essential. Unfortunately, I needed that reminder, as does every married man present at this church, for I and all of you were at 'Shake Those Fakes,' and yes - while Cinnamon, Chocolate, Coconut and Lois were all nice to look at and provide with singles we collected from our offering plate, we all committed sins that day - all 12 hours we were there. From this day forward, let us all vow to be like Jesus and never sin again. I'm going to miss you, Lois."
Number: 6
McTernanesque wisdom: "I was helping my son Sly with his math homework the other day and after looking at one equation, I looked up to the heavens and smiled, knowing full well I was destined to do this. Now, listen very carefully. The equation read like this: 69 + 12 / 9 - 3 = 6. What is the number of the beast? 666. What was the answer to this question? 6 - just one six, sure, but what was the final number preceding the 6? 3. God was trying to depict something evil to me through the answer being 6 and 3 being the final number listed before the 6 to form 666. So what exactly was he trying to tell me? You see, there are 12 months in a year - that's where the 12 comes from. In 9 of those months, homosexuals will sin 69 times more than heterosexuals, such as myself and my secret boyfriend over there - Jimmy. Ladies and gentlemen, courtesy of my son's math worksheet, God's infinite wisdom and my uncanny ability to mind-read the creator, we have found the beast - the gays! It will now be our church's mission to destroy every copy of 'Brokeback Mountain,' every jukebox with a Village People song and protest ice skating events besides hockey. Also, our Will & Grace nights on Saturday evenings must come to a halt. Jimmy and I also vow to never make out in church again."
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/10/29/1104901/anti-gay-preacher-blames-hurricane-sandy-on-homosexuality-and-marriage-equality/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/29/hurricane-sandy-gays-same-sex-marriage-obama-romney_n_2038781.html
http://listverse.com/2012/09/20/top-10-significant-numbers-in-biblical-numerology/
What's also been common in light of these devastating hurricanes is at least one religious leader going off the deep end with comments explaining exactly why that particular hurricane took place. Preacher and sexiest man this side of nowhere - John McTernan - is just the latest such person to enlighten the masses with his infinite wisdom regarding natural disasters.
In a blog on his website, McTernan wrote:
"Just last August, Hurricane Isaac hit New Orleans seven years later, on the exact day of Hurricane Katrina. Both hit during the week of the homosexual event called Southern Decadence in New Orleans!"
That's not all! Oh no... Since Hurricane Sandy struck the U.S. 21 years after what was called "The Perfect Storm," and the number 3 is considered to be quite significant from a Biblical perspective, McTernan also wrote this:
"Twenty-one years breaks down to 7 x 3, which is a significant number with God. Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection.
It appears that God gave America 21 years to repent of interfering with His prophetic plan for Israel; however, it has gotten worse under all the presidents and especially Obama. Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem. Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda. America is under political judgment and the church does not know it!"
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Not only are gays to blame for AIDS, ruining the sanctity of marriage and Glee, but also for hurricanes! Is it any wonder that Miami of Florida's football program has been in so much trouble through the years? What's their team nickname? The Hurricanes. God is obviously punishing them for homosexuality in this country. God is also obviously speaking to us through numbers and equations. He was after all a math major at TUOTOAOC (The University of The One and Only Creator). Of course, he was the top student in his class, but then again, he was the only student, being that he was himself the one and only creator. So, with numbers and equations as our guide, what else can God tell us? As I attempt to crawl inside the tiny noggin of John McTernan, I'll let him explain to you just what God is trying to tell us by using other significant numbers from The Bible. Here we go...
Number: 22
McTernanesque wisdom: "Here is your equation for this Sunday: 44 / 2 = 22. It is in the 22nd chapter of Revelation that The Bible comes to an end. It can be by no coincidence then that on the 44th day of the 2nd month - so February 44th - Armageddon will be upon us. If President Obama is re-elected, count on the world to end at the start of his second term - February 44th of 2013!"
Number: 40
McTernanesque wisdom: "It's a fact that 36 + 4 = 40. I just double-checked using my calculator and I'm telling you - it's true! Jesus uttered the word 'fulfill' about 40 times in the Gospels. That's a scientific fact as well. It's also a fact that when I went to a hospital last night, I saw 4 women who had obviously been filled many times, as they underwent 36 total abortions. That again brings us to the number I mentioned earlier - 40. These 4 women had 36 total abortions and in just a few minutes! They obviously weren't filled with the Lord's love and have been filled by Satan himself! It has now come before us to fill them with prayer before another man fills them again, like I did 9 months ago upon resisting temptation for 40 days. Amen."
Number: 12
McTernanesque wisdom: "The Lord spoke to me in a dream last night and provided me with a series of numbers to relay unto you. The numbers went something like this: 5, 4, 3. He kept repeating that: 5, 4, 3, 5, 4, 3, 5, 4, 3. It's obvious what he was trying to tell me, isn't it? He was counting down. What was missing? The 2 and the 1. Yet, since he was kind of counting in reverse, he wanted me to reverse the numbers for you. What's that make the number now? 12. How many apostles were there? You guessed it - 12 of them. What the Lord was trying to tell me was that we all need to follow him like his 12 apostles did. This can't happen if you're a liberal or a Democrat - or worst yet, a liberal Democrat. If you are, then you can't be a follower of The Jesus. Speaking of following, I followed this lady around a while back. Her name was Flo and even though she asked me to never call her such, I told everyone she was my girlfriend. The following got to be a bit much for Flo and she took me to court. I gave the apostle defense - that I was following her on direct orders from Jesus, of whom I was an apostle, and the case was dismissed. So, be a follower of Jesus and Flo if you find her, but not of liberals or Democrats."
Number: 10
McTernanesque wisdom: "I found a lottery ticket yesterday just lying on the ground outside a club called 'Shake Those Fakes.' On this ticket read one number. I looked at it again and again, thinking something had to be wrong. I even rubbed my eyes, gently smacked myself on the face and placed on my Oakley sunglasses to make certain the glare from the sun wasn't disrupting my vision at all, as well as to look cool in front of the ladies walking out of 'Shake Those Fakes.' I then realized there was nothing wrong with this ticket. It was a sign from God. The only number on the ticket was 10. He was telling me to tell you that as difficult as it can be sometimes, it is of the utmost importance to follow the Ten Commandments. It's essential. Unfortunately, I needed that reminder, as does every married man present at this church, for I and all of you were at 'Shake Those Fakes,' and yes - while Cinnamon, Chocolate, Coconut and Lois were all nice to look at and provide with singles we collected from our offering plate, we all committed sins that day - all 12 hours we were there. From this day forward, let us all vow to be like Jesus and never sin again. I'm going to miss you, Lois."
Number: 6
McTernanesque wisdom: "I was helping my son Sly with his math homework the other day and after looking at one equation, I looked up to the heavens and smiled, knowing full well I was destined to do this. Now, listen very carefully. The equation read like this: 69 + 12 / 9 - 3 = 6. What is the number of the beast? 666. What was the answer to this question? 6 - just one six, sure, but what was the final number preceding the 6? 3. God was trying to depict something evil to me through the answer being 6 and 3 being the final number listed before the 6 to form 666. So what exactly was he trying to tell me? You see, there are 12 months in a year - that's where the 12 comes from. In 9 of those months, homosexuals will sin 69 times more than heterosexuals, such as myself and my secret boyfriend over there - Jimmy. Ladies and gentlemen, courtesy of my son's math worksheet, God's infinite wisdom and my uncanny ability to mind-read the creator, we have found the beast - the gays! It will now be our church's mission to destroy every copy of 'Brokeback Mountain,' every jukebox with a Village People song and protest ice skating events besides hockey. Also, our Will & Grace nights on Saturday evenings must come to a halt. Jimmy and I also vow to never make out in church again."
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/10/29/1104901/anti-gay-preacher-blames-hurricane-sandy-on-homosexuality-and-marriage-equality/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/29/hurricane-sandy-gays-same-sex-marriage-obama-romney_n_2038781.html
http://listverse.com/2012/09/20/top-10-significant-numbers-in-biblical-numerology/
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