It's always flummoxed me why so many "Christians" opt to vote for Republican candidates over any other, Democratic ones in particular. Many religious leaders have seemingly brainwashed these individuals into thinking that if they vote for a candidate who is either pro-choice or pro-gay marriage (or both), they'll be voting against God's wishes. Those have been the two issues that these religious leaders have centered their political messages around. Forget war, education, the environment, the economy, etc. It's all about abortion and gay rights. This is the reason why many die-hard Christians won't vote for Democrats. On the other side of things, since Republican politicians have generally been more outspoken about their alleged Christian faith, this has also made the Republican candidates more attractive to them than the Democratic ones. Why a candidate's spoken words that he or she is a Christian is of greater importance than he or she illustrating that through action is beyond me, but for one reason or another, it's typically worked come election day.
Anymore, I see these uber-Christian conservatives going through the following thought-process and dialogue after hearing a Democratic and Republican candidate speak:
Democratic candidate Gerald O'Weisermann: "I believe in ending the wars in the Middle East, so that we can help build the nation here at home. I believe we need to invest more money in education for the betterment of our children and our future. I believe we must tackle the national debt through both spending cuts and increasing taxes on the top 2%. I don't believe that middle- and lower-class Americans should be burdened with these tax increases, but that the wealthiest will be able to spare a bit in order to strengthen the middle class and move this country forward again. I believe in equality for all - that women should receive equal pay for equal work, that whether a person is gay or straight, they should be able to marry the person they love, that all individuals, regardless of gender, race, creed or orientation, they should be afforded equal liberties in this great country. I believe in a woman's right to choose what to do with her body after she becomes pregnant. As a man myself, I don't see how it's right for me to tell a woman what to do with her body. I trust that she, the father and their doctor will come together to make the best decision for all involved. I believe in moving this country forward to being even better than it is now and believe we can accomplish this if you elect me to office! God bless you and God bless the United States of America!"
Mary (uber-Christian lady): "Oh dear me... This man is a baby-killer! ...and he believes in the gays? This man is not a Christian."
Joseph (uber-Christian guy): "I know. ...and did you hear him talk about equality for all? That's anti-Christian! What he's really saying is he hopes this no longer becomes a Christian nation through making everyone equal, even those evil Muslims!"
Hezekiah (another uber-Christian guy): "Did you hear the only time he said God was at the very end of his speech? How disrespectful of his lord and savior. We better do some praying for him. But while he'll get my prayers, he won't be getting my vote."
Mary: "Me neither..."
Joseph: "Same here..."
Republican candidate Wally Devil: "The first thing I want everyone to know is that I'm a proud Christian man. I love God and I love the Jesus..."
Mary, Joseph and Hezekiah: ::begin dancing for joy::
Mary: "Oh, hallelujah!"
Joseph: "Praise the Lord!"
Hezekiah: "Shoot. I dropped my beer..."
Wally Devil: "In saying that, I think gays suck and I don't mean that literally, even though I guess I kind of do. I've done a lot of women and I mean a lot of women. I notice about twenty of you out there just right now and a handful of other ones I'd like to get to after this speech. But I will never do a dude. That's immoral, against The Bible and I will not stand for that kind of promiscuous behavior when I'm in office! Ladies, even if an alien abducts and rapes you, you shall not be permitted to have an abortion. If the doctor says you have a 2% chance to live if you give birth to a child and the child only has a 4% chance to live, I will not allow you to have an abortion. It's wrong - plain and simple. What's right is going to war all over this world and killing people who are darker and less Christian than we are. I want to start wars with all countries in the Middle East, Asia, Africa, South America, Central America, Mars and even parts of California. If a country isn't Christian, we're going to bomb them. In this country, though, freedom is the most important thing and is the reason we're the best country in the history of the universe. I even believe in freedom of religion in this country, so long as a person chooses to believe in Christ. When it comes to taxes, I don't really care about the poor. Who would ever care about the poor? Jesus? Not hardly. That's why I want to increase taxes on everyone but the richest in this country. If you're making over $250,000 a year, you'll actually see your taxes lowered to less than 0%. If you make under $250,000 and especially if you make under $25,000, you'll see those taxes skyrocket. Oh, and ladies, if you work just as hard as a guy and are just as good at the same job as he, I'm sorry, but he's going to make more money than you. Deal with it. Money and respect comes with having a penis. Speaking of which, I want to get to the handful of sexy ladies I've been looking at throughout this speech's duration. Before I go, though, let me just say, I love God, I love Jesus, I love The Bible and I love sexy women who let me penetrate them. God bless you all and God bless the United States of America!"
Mary: "Oh boy! Do you think I was one of the five ladies he was talking about? This is so exciting!"
Joseph: "I thought you and he already had a thing."
Mary: "True. He has a thing and what a wonderful thing it is. He has my vote!"
Joseph: "Mine too. This man isn't afraid to tell the world he believes in God and sounds like a very good and proud Christian man. I'd be honored to cast my vote for him as well!"
Mary: "What about you, Hezekiah? You've been kind of quiet over there..."
Hezekiah: "Judging by the way he was staring right at me, licking his lips and drooling in the process, I think I may be one of the five he was talking about..."
Anymore, I see these uber-Christian conservatives going through the following thought-process and dialogue after hearing a Democratic and Republican candidate speak:
Democratic candidate Gerald O'Weisermann: "I believe in ending the wars in the Middle East, so that we can help build the nation here at home. I believe we need to invest more money in education for the betterment of our children and our future. I believe we must tackle the national debt through both spending cuts and increasing taxes on the top 2%. I don't believe that middle- and lower-class Americans should be burdened with these tax increases, but that the wealthiest will be able to spare a bit in order to strengthen the middle class and move this country forward again. I believe in equality for all - that women should receive equal pay for equal work, that whether a person is gay or straight, they should be able to marry the person they love, that all individuals, regardless of gender, race, creed or orientation, they should be afforded equal liberties in this great country. I believe in a woman's right to choose what to do with her body after she becomes pregnant. As a man myself, I don't see how it's right for me to tell a woman what to do with her body. I trust that she, the father and their doctor will come together to make the best decision for all involved. I believe in moving this country forward to being even better than it is now and believe we can accomplish this if you elect me to office! God bless you and God bless the United States of America!"
Mary (uber-Christian lady): "Oh dear me... This man is a baby-killer! ...and he believes in the gays? This man is not a Christian."
Joseph (uber-Christian guy): "I know. ...and did you hear him talk about equality for all? That's anti-Christian! What he's really saying is he hopes this no longer becomes a Christian nation through making everyone equal, even those evil Muslims!"
Hezekiah (another uber-Christian guy): "Did you hear the only time he said God was at the very end of his speech? How disrespectful of his lord and savior. We better do some praying for him. But while he'll get my prayers, he won't be getting my vote."
Mary: "Me neither..."
Joseph: "Same here..."
Republican candidate Wally Devil: "The first thing I want everyone to know is that I'm a proud Christian man. I love God and I love the Jesus..."
Mary, Joseph and Hezekiah: ::begin dancing for joy::
Mary: "Oh, hallelujah!"
Joseph: "Praise the Lord!"
Hezekiah: "Shoot. I dropped my beer..."
Wally Devil: "In saying that, I think gays suck and I don't mean that literally, even though I guess I kind of do. I've done a lot of women and I mean a lot of women. I notice about twenty of you out there just right now and a handful of other ones I'd like to get to after this speech. But I will never do a dude. That's immoral, against The Bible and I will not stand for that kind of promiscuous behavior when I'm in office! Ladies, even if an alien abducts and rapes you, you shall not be permitted to have an abortion. If the doctor says you have a 2% chance to live if you give birth to a child and the child only has a 4% chance to live, I will not allow you to have an abortion. It's wrong - plain and simple. What's right is going to war all over this world and killing people who are darker and less Christian than we are. I want to start wars with all countries in the Middle East, Asia, Africa, South America, Central America, Mars and even parts of California. If a country isn't Christian, we're going to bomb them. In this country, though, freedom is the most important thing and is the reason we're the best country in the history of the universe. I even believe in freedom of religion in this country, so long as a person chooses to believe in Christ. When it comes to taxes, I don't really care about the poor. Who would ever care about the poor? Jesus? Not hardly. That's why I want to increase taxes on everyone but the richest in this country. If you're making over $250,000 a year, you'll actually see your taxes lowered to less than 0%. If you make under $250,000 and especially if you make under $25,000, you'll see those taxes skyrocket. Oh, and ladies, if you work just as hard as a guy and are just as good at the same job as he, I'm sorry, but he's going to make more money than you. Deal with it. Money and respect comes with having a penis. Speaking of which, I want to get to the handful of sexy ladies I've been looking at throughout this speech's duration. Before I go, though, let me just say, I love God, I love Jesus, I love The Bible and I love sexy women who let me penetrate them. God bless you all and God bless the United States of America!"
Mary: "Oh boy! Do you think I was one of the five ladies he was talking about? This is so exciting!"
Joseph: "I thought you and he already had a thing."
Mary: "True. He has a thing and what a wonderful thing it is. He has my vote!"
Joseph: "Mine too. This man isn't afraid to tell the world he believes in God and sounds like a very good and proud Christian man. I'd be honored to cast my vote for him as well!"
Mary: "What about you, Hezekiah? You've been kind of quiet over there..."
Hezekiah: "Judging by the way he was staring right at me, licking his lips and drooling in the process, I think I may be one of the five he was talking about..."
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