The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Kay Jewelers commercials have a tendency to make my eyes roll more than Linda Blair's doctors said they should, but their latest one really gets under my skin. In this commercial, a couple is sitting across from one another at a restaurant. As the man tries to get the woman's attention, he realizes the only way to do this is by texting her, since she's ignoring him while texting on her phone. He finally gives up any and all other options, and texts her with the message, "Look up." At this, he finally has her attention, she looks up, and he provides her with a gift from Kay Jewelers. The commercial then closes with the tagline, "Every kiss begins with Kay," as the couple takes a picture of themselves kissing with one of their phones. If that's not "romantic," I don't know what is... Based on this very commercial, if the trend continues, the next one will go something like this: Bruce Altiny: ::texts his girlfriend:: "Read ...

Personally, I think the shake weight commercials are some of the most unintentionally funny commercials out right now. Cialis is not too far behind in that regard. Kay commercials make me roll my eyes so much that it appears I have a Linda-Blair Complex. So, what if these three teams joined forces to make, what I would refer to as, the ultimate holiday commercial? Let's find out, shall we? This story will include two main characters, Bubba and Chastity. Setting: The two lovebirds are holding hands, smiling, while on the roof of their house, holding antennas during a thunderstorm. Bubba: “So, baby, do you want to do it?” Chastity: “Right now? On the roof? Are you crazy?” Bubba: “Come on, you told me to take it tonight.” Chastity: “Take what?” Bubba: “Cialis. Look at me. I'm ready for once.” Chastity: “It's 6:30. We've got to leave. You made dinner reservations for 6:45, didn't you?” Bubba: “Yeah, at McDonald's. I wanted to make our ten-year wedding ann...

Between the music, the dialogue and the acting, these Kay commercials come across to me as a hybrid of a soap opera and an awful made-for-tv movie. The basic outline for a Kay commercial is as follows: 1) Cue the cheesy Hallmark music - Go! 2) Present Hollywood-esque romantic scene that has a 2.2 - 3.09% chance of presenting itself in reality. Check. 3) Have the male chime in with a dramatic one-liner with cliché written all over it, such as, "You deserve everything, which is why I got you this..." 4) At this very time, he presents his gift from Kay. 5) Overdramatic reaction by the female. Teardrops. Mouth agape. Phony smiles. Check. 6) The female then responds with a lovely one-liner of her own, such as, "I'll never cheat on you again. Now, kiss me." 7) Cue the kiss. 8) Now for the closer - "Every kiss begins with Kay." After having to sit through these darn things, I think I can say for many people that no longer does kiss begin w...