The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

The Top Ten Things I Expect to See at King Trump's State of the Union Address Tonight 10. On at least one occasion, Trump will brag, "I only fire the best people, just the best people, folks." 9. Trump will coin the term "cryptilfluffernickel." 8. Instead of a standing ovation, any time Congressional Republicans want to cheer in response to their Dear Leader's rhetoric, they start (or perhaps continue) masturbating. (Exception being Lauren Boebert, who jerks off whomever is next to her.) 7. Trump gets erect any time he utters the words 'Russia' or 'Putin.' Luckily for us, no one will be able to witness this. Yes, it's that small. 6. Melania will create an account on the dating site, "AnythingButThis.com." 5. House Speaker Mike Johnson places a Burger King crown on Trump's melon, and Drumpf then goes on about how it's "the biggest, strongest, most expensive crown the world has ever known." He then proceeds to ea...

While I refused to watch it live on television, I did watch Donald Trump's Oval Office address later in the evening online, as well as the Democratic response. My first thought was, "WTF was that!?!?" The man was more monotone than a sleep-talking Ben Stein giving an impression of a robot. He spoke more slowly than a sloth nicknamed Ben Carson. Trump snorted more than a coke-addict, nicknamed Sniffles, with a sinus infection. Also, it's not like he said anything new. He repeated the same old talking points (lies) he's been uttering since he was 12: "We need to build a wall;" "It's about national security;" "Lots of drugs coming in;" "The shutdown is the Democrats' fault;" etc. If I wanted to watch reruns, I'd tune into TBS. I'm not a fan of hyperbole, but this isn't hyperbole; it's the truth. Last night's Oval Office address was the worst, most boring, least persuasive speech I've ever see...

At the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C. last week, former Vice Presidential candidate and politician voted least likely to know the capital city of her own home state - Sarah Palin - gave a speech which yet again showed how lacking she is when it comes to remembering history, geography, specifics, well, pretty much anything. In this speech, she said: "Don't retreat. You reload with truth, which I know is an endangered species at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue, anyway, truth...the media's favorite president. He just can't stop telling lies..." I wonder who resides at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue, because it's not President Barack Obama. The White House has been located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue since the 1800s. It's rather ironic that Ms. Palin told people to "reload with truth" before unintentionally misstating the address of the White House. As Rick Perry would say, "Oops..." Due to this rather embarrassing slip-up, I have to beli...