The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

After his team got walloped 56-0 in the NFC Championship game on Sunday, head coach Ted Cruz surprised everyone when he made the following announcement: "After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if my team makes the Super Bowl, our starting quarterback is going to be Tim Tebow. One of the most important decisions a football coach can make is who he picks as his quarterback and I think it's safe to say you can all rest assured Tim Tebow is intelligent, dependable, and most importantly, he's a winner. The guy can run, throw, keep benches warm, and even dunk the oval-shaped balls in basketball rings if that's what he's called to do on 4th down. I know our last game was a rough one, but I want our fans to know we're going to fight every step of the way, no matter what, even when those steps don't actually exist. Thank you and let's continue marching our way to the Super Bowl as God intended!" Tim Tebow then...

Even with all the crazy things he's said in the past, 2016 Republican front-runner Donald Trump still continues to amaze me with the words which emanate from his mouth. In a recent Rolling Stone article regarding Trump, when the businessman saw fellow GOP candidate Carly Fiorina on television, he remarked, "Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president. I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not supposed to say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?" After receiving the inevitable backlash following the article's publication, Trump responded by saying the following to CNN's Chris Cuomo on New Day : "I'm not talking about her looks. I'm talking about her persona." That's right. Let's look at that again, shall we? Trump's initial comment: "Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president. I mean, she...