The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

On the front of my '80s-rocker costume (I simply called it - Craig on a Saturday night, because let's be honest - that's how I always dress on Saturdays) was a sign I created which said, "Hey baby, wanna be my groupie?" and on the back, I created a top ten list of groupie disqualifiers. Here they are: My Top Ten Groupie Disqualifiers 10) You've slept with one of the following people: Gene Simmons, Wilt Chamberlain, Mister Rogers or The Pope. 9) After sleeping with you, 94% of guys immediately look at you, begin to cry and then say, "I think I might be gay." 8) You think Kama (comma) Sutra is a kind of punctuation used in India.  7) You've been cordially greeted by multiple sumo wrestlers, as they feel you're one of them. 6) Debbie Downer is forced to take Prozac before, during and after speaking to you.  5) You have what is known as golf-enthusiast's Tourette's syndrome in the bedroom, as just before forn...

Phoenix Coyotes forward Raffi Torres is receiving some heat for he and his wife dressing up as rapper Jay-Z and Beyonce at a Halloween party. Torres is of Mexican decent and painted his face in a manner to look more like Jay-Z. Some are claiming that it was in very poor taste, may even have been racist. Eh, I could understood the costume not rubbing some the right way if Torres and his wife came in costumes which kind of poked fun or mocked the two musicians, but they didn't do that. Look at the picture. Torres' wife doesn't pull off a Beyonce look all that well, but Torres himself looks quite similar to Jay-Z in the picture. The couple are supposedly big fans of both Jay-Z and Beyonce and were just dressing up as two people they idolized. I really don't see the big deal about this. The Obama zombie photo that was released over Halloween, which showcases a bullet in the president's head? That is crossing the line. It's showcasing violence perpetrated on the pr...

Yeah, that's right. As of tomorrow night, when I venture to a Halloween Party at a pub I frequent, I think it will be safe to say that upon my passing, I will be going to hell. Why is this you didn't ask? Well, because I will be going as Jesus and not just any Jesus. No, while yes, with my costume came all the regulars: Robe/tunic, hair, beard and crown of thorns, I've decided to take things a little further. I will be entering wearing sunglasses, a lei around my neck, a sign on either my front or back (haven't decided yet...depending on if the beard and lei interfere with people reading the sign from the front) reading "I Saved Your A$$," while carrying a bag of leis with a note on it that reads "Who wants to lei Jesus? That will be $5." I've also concocted a top ten list I will bring along - The Top Ten Jesus Pick-up Lines and I plan on using a few of those throughout the course of the evening. Finally, I will be bringing with me a recipe for a...