The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I haven't handed out a douche-of-the-week award in a while, but upon reading an article today, I think it's about time I hand out another, two of them as a matter of fact. In an op-ed for the Canberra City News , Australian Christian Nick Jensen wrote the following: "[My wife Sarah and I would] as a matter of conscience, refuse to recognize the government's regulation of marriage if its definition includes the solemnization of same sex couples. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman before a community in the sight of God. And the marriage of any couple is important to God regardless of whether that couple recognizes God's involvement or authority in it. ...For us, fundamentally, when we got married we signed a contract with the state and that contract was around the current definition of marriage and all the things that comes with it. Man and woman for life, for the sake of children. If it came to be that the definition of the contract was changed, the cont...

I seem to have this odd ability to unintentionally get divorced couples back together again. I'm not sure what it is exactly. Some may call it a gift. Others may call it a curse. Me? I'm not sure what to call it - just strange, I guess. In any case, if you happen to be recently divorced (or broken up) and are kind of wanting to give things another chance, feel free to send me an email, and I'll find some way to convince you that, even though you haven't seen your ex for quite some time, you should contact him/her right away and things will pick up right where they left off - well, prior to the divorce, and prior to all the fights which preceded the divorce. It will just pick up right where they left off - as far as the last good memory you have of the two of you is concerned. Yeah, that's it. Best of luck!

Please allow me to introduce everyone to Jonathan Saenz. Not only is Mr. Saenz an uber-conservative Catholic attorney, but he is also the president of a group by the name of Texas Values - an anti-abortion and anti-LGBT group which is dedicated to "preserving and advancing a culture of family values in the state of Texas." In August of 2011, Mr. Saenz's now ex-wife - Corrine Morris Rodriguez Saenz - decided to divorce Jonathan after being married to him for almost 10 years. Why did she decide this was the best move? Oh, it just so happens that Ms. Rodriguez-Saenz left her anti-LGBT husband for a woman by the name of Ercimin Paredes. Yes, Jonathan Saenz, a man who has supported the concept of gay conversion therapy, has said that legalizing gay marriage could lead the way to legalizing incest and polygamy, and is president of the anti-LGBT group Texas Values, was left by his ex-wife for a woman. Approximately 94.32% of the time, I feel the need to insert wisecracks w...

An article just came out concerning a second-grade teacher at Holy Trinity School in San Diego - Carie Charlesworth - who was put on indefinite leave due to her ex-husband abusing her, and despite a restraining order, showing up at the school at one point, which resulted in it getting put on lockdown. School director Tom Beecher and human resources director Bobbie Espinoza tried elaborating on their decision by sending the following in a letter to Ms. Charlesworth: "We know from the most recent incident involving you and Mrs. Wright (the principal) while you were still physically at Holy Trinity School, that the temporary restraining order in effect were not a deterrent to him. Although we understand he is current incarcerated, we have no way of knowing how long or short a time he will actually serve and we understand from ocourt files that he may be released as early as next fall. In the interest of the safety of the students, faculty and parents at Holy Trinity School, we si...

Have you ever known of a husband and a wife whom never cheated on one another, never abused one another, yet after a while, couldn't stand each other, to the point of divorcing? Republican Iowa State Representative Ted Grassman wants to make that illegal. Unless a person could prove his or her spouse had committed some kind of a crime, had committed adultery, or had abandoned the family, it'd be illegal for that person to successfully file for divorce. With regard to wanting to make "no-fault divorce" illegal, Grassman said the following: "This basically is an attempt on my part to keep fathers in the home. I sincerely believe that the family is the foundation of this nation and this nation will go the direction of our families. If our families break up, so will this nation." He then got personal when he talked about his daughter and son-in-law recently divorcing and the effect it will have on his granddaughter, saying: "There's a 16-year ol...

So, for the majority of people with access to a television, radio or internet have heard, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after just 72 days of marriage. This isn't the first time such a thing has happened and certainly won't be the last. How is it that Britney Spears can be married for 55 hours, Kim Kardashian can be married for 72 days, yet some still firmly believe that if made legal, gays would ruin the sanctity of marriage?

The craziest thing about the online world are the social networking sites. If someone is between the ages of 3 months and 87 years, chances are they have a Facebook account. Rumor has it that the Virgin Mary even has an account. The best thing about Facebook is you have the chance to re-connect with people you haven’t seen or spoken to for 10 years and there’s probably a good reason for that. Birthdays are the best. When it’s your birthday, the announcement is posted at the top right corner of the page. It’s amazing how 50 people you haven’t heard from for a year are suddenly your friends and wish you a happy birthday. It’s kind of creepy when you think about it. It’d be quite something to receive birthday cards in the mail from people you haven’t seen or actually spoken to for years. If you were married, that could really spell trouble: Beyonce: “Honey, why are all these women I don’t know sending you these cards? Chandra? Sophia? Gloria? Joan? Lois? Olita? Tara? Tasha? Joanne? Gina...