The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

With all of these sexual harassment and assault allegations coming to fruition in recent weeks, we've continually been told, "Always believe the accusers." As a victim of sexual abuse myself, I tend to agree with those sentiments. However, given the fact that, in a court of law, we're told to treat a defendant as innocent until proven guilty, this mentality serves as quite the perplexing paradox. If we were to combine the two, it'd read, "One is innocent until proven guilty, but always believe the accusers" or "Always believe the accusers, yet one is innocent until proven guilty." Like I said, perplexing... So how do we walk that fine line? How do we not publicly convict a person before they've had their fair trial, yet also take an accuser's words seriously? Is that even possible? If I always believe the accuser, I'll see the alleged perpetrator as guilty until proven innocent. If I always view the alleged perpetrator as innocent...

I've found that the term hangry is appearing more regularly in everyday conversation. For the two of you unfamiliar with the word, it means to become so hungry one becomes angry (yes, a hybrid of angry and hungry ). Given the ever growing popularity of hangry , I thought I'd try to get the ball rolling with a few other like terms. For each, I'll provide the definition and a sentence where the words could be used. Here we go... Bangry : To become angry over a decision made on the reality show, The Bachelor . Example: "Why in the sam hill did Jake not pick Delilah Doodymix? What the hell, Jake? What is wrong with you?!? I'm so f**kin' bangry right now! Ugh!" Bork : To become bored while at work. Example: "Hey, what are you up to? Me? I'm in the office, listening to 'Free Bird,' playing some FreeCell. I'm just so frickin' bork right now, you know? Oh, I gotta go. This hot new assistant just came in and will hopefully unbork m...

I gave Twitter a try, two opportunities in fact. While I think it can be useful for a business in spreading word about the Twitter-web and circulating certain information, I think it's a mentally-handicapped way of communicating with other people. Genuine thoughts and feelings shouldn't be condensed to any number, let alone just 140 characters. Limiting one's thoughts and feelings in such a manner may not be a crime on Twitter, but it certainly is in my mind. To illustrate the level of ridiculousness and mentally-handicapped-ness that is The Twitter, below I will list a series of well-known statements, phrases or quotes which are very commonplace in people's lives at some point or another and condense them into tweets (140 characters). Here we go... After one's arrest for streaking around a church on Easter Sunday, the cops would say, "You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Do you understand? Anything you do say may be used agai...