The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

A week ago tomorrow was Cinco de Mayo, which has become, like The Nightly Show host Larry Wilmore put it, "The Mexican version of St. Paddy's Day." I joined my mother at a Mexican restaurant where we both consumed one margarita a piece (I know, we were getting crazy). Afterward, I discussed the restaurant and holiday with someone, whom responded by saying, "Aren't margaritas girly drinks?" I kind of laughed at this question at first, because when thinking back to everyone ordering margaritas at the restaurant, I thought to myself, "I saw anyone and everyone, from 21-year-old college girls to 80-year-old men, from women under 5 feet tall to men close to 7 feet tall and 350 lbs. drinking these things." Not really caring what people thought of men drinking margaritas, but still curious on if they were commonly thought of as "girly" drinks, I did some research on the matter and sadly discovered that a number of people do believe such a thing....

For whatever reason, whenever I hear the name Liam Neeson in a movie trailer, the name Leslie Nielsen springs to mind. This got me wondering how the two actors would have played some of the other's better known roles. Here are three possibilities: Airplane! Dr. Rumack (played by Liam Neeson): "Can you fly this plane, and land it?" Ted Striker: "Surely you can't be serious." Dr. Rumack: "I'm always serious... and what the hell did you just call me?" The Naked Gun Jane Spencer: "I've heard police work is dangerous." Lieutenant Frank Drebin (played by Liam Neeson): "It is. That's why I carry a big gun." Jane: "Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?" Frank: "I used to have that problem." Jane: "What did you do about it?" Frank: "Kicked the crap out of people, well, and Viagra" Taken Bryan Mills (played by Leslie Nielsen): "I don't k...

Until the NFL completes its investigation on the Miami Dolphins and offensive linemen Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin, I won't be commenting on the case directly. However, in light of the stories coming out about the Dolphins, I have found some of the public's commentary regarding it to be quite disturbing and thought I'd comment on that. While I don't feel it's wise for me to fully conclude on the matter yet, the story has caught my attention; I've read several articles about it and have also read people's comments below the articles. Many of the comments read as follows: - "Be a man! Stand up for yourself!" - "Crying home to mommy again, I see..." - "Punch him in the face!" - "Fight!" - "You're, what, 300 lbs.? Get into the guy's face and take care of it!" - "This is football! Be a real man!" - "Pansy!" - "Deal with him and he won'...

Just last week, I went to a concert at a local bar and when I went up to the dance floor and began dancing with a woman, what was the first thing she said to me? “Are you gay?” I had to scratch my head a bit, smiled and asked, “What was that?” She again asked, “Are you gay?” When I responded with a no, I honestly wonder if she believed me. This was not a rare occurrence for me. In fact, I’d say this happens 1 out of every 2 times I go out. I went to a pub a few months ago and one lady there would not leave me alone about it. She asked me, “Are you married?” I responded with a no. “Do you have a girlfriend?” No again. “Are you gay? No. She didn’t seem to buy that and carried on, “You have to be gay. You’re hot. Come on, a hot single guy your age? You have to be gay. Just come out with it. It’s okay. I’m not going to judge you. Let this be your night you come out.” This continued for several minutes before she started going around the bar and asking women, “Isn’t he ho...