The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

On Election Day, which technically started 50 minutes ago, I'm selling my latest book, Orange Is the New Crazy , at 25% off, from $13.00 to $9.75, at this site -  http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop-volume-6-orange-is-the-new-crazy/paperback/product-22900064.html You can also purchase the book for $2.99 for your Kindle at this link -  https://www.amazon.com/LOL-GOP-Orange-New-Crazy-ebook/dp/B01MDPIIGU  

While I'll be the first to admit I think most parents tend to believe their children are a bit brighter than they actually are, JP Fugler's recent blog post, entitled, "Your Child Is Not Special," still rubbed me the wrong way. Fugler starts his piece with this: "'You don't understand. My kid always makes straight As.' That might be the most damaging statement to a child's education. Like many teachers, I receive a version of that story multiple times in e-mails, phone conversations, and parent-teacher conferences regularly. The parent is always well-intentioned when they say it, but this mentality is becoming an epidemic threatening educators nationwide." I admit I'm interested initially. Please continue... "I wish more parents understood that their child is not special. That they would listen to teachers like David McCullough Jr. when he told the 2012 graduating class of his school that there were 37,000 valedictorians in...

Fox News has done it again! They've come across as more special than Forrest Gump after seven shots of tequila! A while back on their homepage, a headline to an article written by female anti-feminist Suzanne Venker, read, "To be happy, we must admit women and men aren't 'equal,'" and just below that was a picture of a lesbian couple kissing. It would have been more appropriate to have titled the "piece," "To be happy, we must admit that lesbian women and lesbian women aren't equal." After reading and re-reading that a few times, I have a feeling Forrest would have someone call him a taxi, before blurting out, "You won't believe this stuff I'm seeing and reading! I am wasted - wasted is as wasted does! Oh geez, I gotta pee." http://now.msn.com/fox-news-uses-photo-of-lela-mcarthur-and-stephanie-figarelle-wedding-in-pro-heterosexual-article

Current Texas Governor and the man voted most likely to take a stapler to a gun draw - Rick Perry - signed the "Merry Christmas Bill" this past Thursday, and said the following words about it: "Religious freedom does not mean freedom from religion. People of faith too often feel they can't express their faith publicly. And if they dare display it, they find themselves under attack from individuals and organizations that have nothing to do with them or their communities for that matter." Freedom of religion doesn't mean freedom from religion? So, everyone is free to practice the religion of their choosing, except for those whom don't believe in any religion? How does that work exactly? Christian: "I believe in Jesus!" Perry: "Right on! Me too, brother!" Buddhist: "I believe in Buddha!" Perry: "Alright, well, you're free to believe that too." Muslim: "I believe in Allah!" Perry: ::pauses...

I've always felt out of place when stepping into a Wal-Mart. At times, especially if it's late, the place has presented me with the vibe of a drunken trailer party. There's a 97-year old greeter at the door waving like the queen and trying to say hello. As I walk about the store, mullets, overalls and buckteeth appear to be back in style. I hear more southern accents within the first five minutes than I'd heard over the previous year combined. Yes, right as I walk into a Wal-Mart, I typically feel more out of place than a nun at an orgy. For the first time in a while, a good friend of mine and I decided to take a late-night stroll in Wal-Mart. Neither of us care for the store, so we wanted to go late-night people-watching and have fun observing and poking fun at some items in the place. After walking around for approximately three hours, I have to say, Wal-Mart is a "different" kind of place. Like guns? Bow and arrows? Axes? Machetes which cost $6.88? Then...

A friend of mine recently told me that for whatever number of people a man or woman says they've slept with, you can multiply that by two or three to get a more accurate answer, due to one-night stands. Is this true? Are one night-stands that common? She has been known to get around as I found out not long ago and had lied to me about them all, so I'm not sure how credible a source she is. Is she actually being honest or attempting to make herself feel okay with her past decisions? As usual, I imagine the answer lies somewhere in the middle. I myself have never engaged in a one-night stand and never will. I've been offered several times, especially in recent months at bars, but have turned all 8 or so of them down. Perhaps that's why there's a rumor going around that I'm gay. So, what's the appeal? A person is illustrating the ultimate trust in a complete stranger by giving them their body for a night, not knowing where the other person has been, if they p...

10. You try to put shoelaces on your sandals. 9. You go to a shooting range with a squirt gun. 8. You bring your 3-Wood whenever you go miniature golfing. 7. You try to do the freestyle in a kiddie pool. 6. With front-row seats to a concert, you bring binoculars. 5. You try to moonwalk in high heels. 4. You have trouble spelling or pronouncing the word “a”. 3. Your dog rolls his eyes and sighs whenever you speak. 2. You ride a tricycle on the interstate. 1. (drum roll) You wear a helmet while playing solitaire.