The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

After listening to former President George W. Bush speak for 8 years while in the Oval Office, it was easy to see why he was often labeled as less bright than his brother Jeb. However, after hearing Jeb speak on the campaign trail this year, not to mention in debates, one has to wonder if the gap in intelligence between the two brothers is less than we had originally thought. The latest such example came at a campaign event in Lexington, South Carolina, where the "brighter" Bush said this: "In fact when I was governor, in 16 months we had eight hurricanes and four tropical storms. One of them was called Katrina. I don't know why your great state senator reminds me of a hurricane. But she does." That's right, Jeb Bush basically referred to Democratic South Carolina state Senator Katrina Shealy as Hurricane Katrina. Not only does this look bad from the standpoint Jeb is nicknaming a state senator after one of the most horrific hurricanes to ever hit the ...

With his younger brother struggling in the polls, former President George W. Bush has decided to mentor Jeb while on the campaign trail. At this point it's unknown whether or not the former president has made an impact, positive or negative, on his younger brother's standing in the polls. However, when we caught up with the former president, here's what he had to tell us about the situation and the words of advice he had for Jeb: "Little Jeb called me one day and said, 'Bro, I need your help. You got elected a couple times. Could you help me get elected once or twice?' I said, 'Yes, of course. You're my big brother.' He quickly corrected me that I was the older one, but anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yeah... So I gave him a few pointers to follow to improve his chances on winning the Republican primary and becoming the next President of the United States of America. Here were some of my pointers: - 'Before you win the primary or the...

Over six years after he left the Oval Office, former President George W. Bush's private emails have finally been released. Unfortunately, upon reading them, no one in the media outside of most at Fox News were able to understand them, so many other members of the media called on first graders to help them translate the messages. Here are just a few of the former president's emails: - "I wunder what Billy meant when he asked what 'is' was... What is 'is'? Is 'is' even a word? Heck if I know!" - "Read good? Reading gooder is my middle name!" - "The U.S. is the best continent in the world! Isn't that an airline? Continent Airlines?"  "What's red, white, and blue? Give up? Yeah, me too." - "Ful me once, ful me twice, ful me three times, ful me seven times, ful me, wait, where was I?" - "Is 21 less then, greater then, or equal two 974? I don't know! I hate these kinds of stupid q...

So, former Florida Governor and brother of former President Dubya, Jeb Bush, has decided to go on the attack with regard to President Obama's response to Ebola. When speaking to Vanderbilt University, Bush said: "It looked very incompetent to begin with, and that fueled fears that may not be justified. And now you have states that are legitimately acting on their concerns, creating a lot more confusion than is necessary." I find it funny that a politician with the last name of Bush would have it in him to criticize President Obama about "incompetence" and a "poor response." Deaths via a poor response to Hurricane Katrina from President Bush: 1,833 deaths Deaths via poor listening, research, and preparation to 9/11 under President Bush: 2,752 deaths Deaths via a "poor" response to Ebola from President Obama: 1 death Sorry to lump you in with Dubya, Jeb, but given your family background, it's probably not the wisest of decisio...

Want to know why all abortions need to be banned after 20 weeks? Just ask Texas Representative Michael Burgess and he could tell you. During yesterday's debate regarding the pending House bill, Burgess said the following: "Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful. They stroke their face. If they're a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain?" Yes, while Representative Burgess doesn't outright say he feels fetuses masturbate, that is definitely what he implied. Sadly enough, this man is a former OB/GYN. When reading Mr. Burgess' quote, I'm reminded of a remark made by former President George W. Bush, when he said, "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country." For Mr. Burgess, that quote would read, "T...

As I've said many times before, I seriously believe Texas Governor Rick Perry is a clone of former Texas Governor and President of the United States George W. Bush. If Perry ever became elected president, he'd have 1 : 2 odds that he'd eclipse Bush's total of Bushisms books with his own Perryisms. Perry continued this trend on Saturday during a speech at the Faith and Freedom conference, when he said this: "I fear where we've come to in America, where our administration won't make one phone call to save our men and women in a embassy in Lebanon." Psst... That's Libya. The two countries are only 1,200 miles apart from one another and in different continents (Libya - Africa, Lebanon- Asia). Besides that, they're about as close to being clones of one another as Perry and Dubya are. Alright, so that's not true either. Sorry, Rick. I tried... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/17/rick-perry-benghazi-lebanon_n_3453233.html

A big story is being made about a new Gallup poll which shows that more people now have a favorable view (49%) than an unfavorable view (46%) of former President George W. Bush. It's the first time since 2005 that this has occurred. In my opinion, this is about as big of a story as the fact I wrote with a pen at one point today. First thing's first, Gallup has about as solid a reputation over the past year as Mitt Romney does of smooth-talking women. Secondly, toward the end of his presidency, Gallup had then President Bush at 32% approval. Other polls had him even lower than that. Lastly, Bush has been out of office now for 4.5 years. Given the fact less than one-third of the people in this country approved of the job he was doing as president toward the very end of his tenure, I'm sure there are a great number of people, myself included, whom have a much more favorable view of him out of the Oval Office than in it. How much easier is it to compliment a person who ...

If it were up to the American people, we'd never have to worry about seeing a Bush on a bill (ambiguous indeed...). According to a new Variety Fair poll, only 6% of the American public would prefer George W. Bush or George H.W. Bush to be on a bill, while Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Barack Obama, and Ronald Reagan would all be more popular choices. Yeah, the only bills I can see George W. Bush on are of the counterfeit or $0.01 variety. Want a bill worth a penny? Dubya's your guy! ...or perhaps if he pulls a Heath Ledger from Brokeback Mountain , Dubya will be on a different kind of Bill... Not that there's anything wrong with that. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/03/george-bush-money-currency-dollar-coin_n_3379798.html

Former George W. Bush campaign strategist Karl Rove - known to many as "Bush's brain" - had a few very flattering words to say about the former president when he spoke with ABC News yesterday, when he said this: "The greats, you can't touch: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, FDR. But yeah, I'd put him (Dubya) up there." Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline... Still waiting... Oh, he's serious? Wow... I really don't know how to respond to that. Well, on that note, I'm guessing Mr. Rove holds the following opinions as well: One of the best movies of all-time: Waterboy One of the best rock bands of all-time: Nickelback One of the best baseball teams of all-time: The Chicago Cubs One of the best books of all-time: My Pet Goat One of the best first date ideas of all-time: A strip club named "Hos Who Blow" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/26/karl-rove-bush-presidency_n_3162322.html

Former President George W. Bush is back in the news and for something that may surprise many. Due to his typically horrendous speeches which left English professors all across the country reaching for Advil, whiskey, a shotgun, and a country song, many wondered if he had difficulty reading off note-cards and teleprompters, or if he could read at all. Well, ladies and gentlemen, not only can the 43rd president of the United States read, he now has a library built in his name! That's right! The George W. Bush Presidential Library will soon be on full display for us to all see and perhaps convince us that Dubya wasn't such a bad president after all. Based on what I've read, I think my favorite feature of this library is what's being called the "Decision Points Theater." This is an interactive theater which allows visitors to become hindsight deciders, much like Bush was under then President Dick Cheney. The visitors are presented some information relating to ...

I'll be the first to admit that I'm an over-analyzer. I earned three degrees in psychology, took elective courses in philosophy and critical thinking. My very first words as a child were, "I think therefore I am." Alright, so that last bit isn't true. I have always been a thinker, though, which is what prompts me to drink on weekends. I have to slow that mind down somehow. Why not go about it legally through the consumption of alcohol? Thanks, Jack (Daniels)! Having said all this, though, even I find the over-analyzing by art critics regarding former President George W. Bush's paintings absurd to the point of being comical. The Bush family got hacked by someone who calls himself Gucifer, who stumbled upon Dubya's latest hobby - painting. The two paintings which seemed to most catch people's attention were of the former president, naked and cleaning himself. In one of the two paintings, Dubya was standing in a shower, in the nude (even Dubya knows not...

Former President George W. Bush was in office for eight full years (very long ones at that) and as I’m sure is the case for many others, I haven’t heard much about Dubya since Barack Obama was elected president. I think the ex-president could use some advice on what he should do with himself now that he’s out of the Oval Office (thank God!). 10. Professional pretzel taste-tester. 9. Philosopher with the newfound theory, "You're either with me or against me!" 8. A cast member on Survivor , finding a way to rig the vote so that he's not voted off the island. 7. Follow in O.J.'s footsteps in his lifelong quest of finding the killer and make it his lifelong quest to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. 6. Horse trainer (with possible promotion to head of FEMA) 5. Owner of the Houston Astros, trading away pitchers: Roger Clemens, Roy Oswalt, Andy Pettitte and Brad Lidge for some top-of-the-line (pun intended) coke. 4. Author the book, A Dummy's Gui...

Here are, in my opinion, the top 100 George W. Bush quotes (Bushisms) and underneath them in italics will be a smart aleck remark responding to each quote. Keep in mind, these are responses to the quote, so if the president says "you" in his quote, like he's talking to me and others, I may respond with "you" in my comment as well. This "you" is not directed toward the reader, just to the former president. So, don't take anything I say personally, unless you're Mr. Bush, then I can completely understand. 100. "This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses." - At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the Financial Times , Jan. 14, 2000 - With saying that, it sounds like the president has had his share of "mential" losses. 99. "Bill wrote a book at Yale. I read one." - George W. Bush, on William F. Buckley, Al Smith Dinner, New York City, Oct. 19...