The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

We're t-minus 2 hours away from the Super Bowl kickoff. While I'm probably pulling for the Rams over the Patriots simply for the fact they haven't won the big game for a longer duration than Belichick, Brady, and company, what I'm rooting for more than anything else is a good game and funny commercials. Segueing from that, here are the commercials I pray (and I'm an agnostic) won't be aired during the course of the game, as I find them to be the worst/most annoying commercials on television today. 1) Progressive Substitutes Jimmy For Flo : I used to find Progressive commercials to at least be mildly amusing, largely due to the presence of Flo. That all changed when Flo suddenly transformed into Jimmy. Jimmy comes across as that stereotypical nerd from high school who gets invited to a party with the jocks due to helping the quarterback cheat on and pass a history exam. At this party, Jimmy tries too hard to fit in, it shows, and he becomes progressively more a...

While the Republican Party has, largely due to gerrymandering, the Citizens United decision, and enhanced voter ID laws, made the most of midterm elections in garnering control of both the House and Senate, they've regularly failed in the general election the past several cycles. Over the past 24 years, the Republican Party has won the popular vote just once, when George W. Bush defeated John Kerry in the 2004 election. If the Supreme Court had ruled differently in the 2000 election, it would have been possible for the Democratic Party to have reeled off six consecutive victories in presidential elections. While history dictates the eventual Republican nominee would have a 50.1%+ chance of winning this coming election due to the fact we've had a Democratic president over the past 8 years and Republican voters are likely to be more energized to vote than Democratic voters, the GOP is finding a way to set themselves up for disappointment yet again in the general election. The G...

I got a new car over the weekend. Before that point, I had owned just one car in all my years. In '97, I purchased a '95 Saturn, which lasted me through the start of 2013. However, it recently breathed its last breath, so it was time to say goodbye and welcome a new automobile in my life. I went to two places before purchasing my new car. At Toyota, while the seller himself came across as very approachable and kind, others whom spoke to me appeared to be rather irritable, arrogant, and not at all interested in working with me to buy a car. After filling out some applications, I was told I'd receive a phone call that night or the following morning regarding the cars I was interested in and if we'd be able to work out a deal, but never received the call. Perhaps it was just a bad day for them, but in any case, it definitely wasn't a good first impression I had of the place and unless I found a potentially great deal there, I'd be hard-pressed to ever return. I...

It kind of cracks me up to hear so many far-right conservatives say something along the following lines in the run up to the midterm elections: "We just want to leave a better life for our kids and future generations than we were left with, and we'll do everything in our power to achieve that." Say what? The GOP seriously wants us to believe they care about future generations? Based on their voting records and talking points, this is how such ads should probably run: "We just want to leave a better life for our kids and future generations than we were left with, and we'll do everything in our power to achieve that. From not taking action on global warming and leaving future generations more apt to being victims of severe flooding and other disastrous weather, to not passing more gun restrictions to lessen the chance of firearms getting into the hands of dangerous individuals, it's really all about keeping the kids safe in their future. From decreasing fu...

My father, an employee of retailer Big Lots, shared some pretty cute new videos the company is airing, entitled, the "Big Lots Pet Focus Group Video Series," and asked that I spread the good word. Enjoy, and if you do in fact like them, please share them with friends and family.  Big Lots Pet Supplies - Focus Group https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne4JB3evktg Big Lots Pet Supplies  -  Cats Only  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvwLI6wzqco Big Lots Pet Supplies  -  Pets with Style https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMGTy5AJK1k  

According to Buzzfeed, here are the top 30 The Daily Show -inspired McConnelling videos - http://www.buzzfeed.com/comedycentral/the-daily-shows-30-top-mcconnelling-videos-of-al-1jmu?xrs=synd_facebook_031914_tds_52 Here are three more of mine:  "He's Bad" - http://www.mcconnelling.org/view?_id=5329e3a179c4a1d53fa88d7e "Mitch's Gin and Juice" - http://www.mcconnelling.org/view?_id=5329e8a4aa8df7fb3f52cdf6 "U Can't Touch Him" - http://www.mcconnelling.org/view?_id=5329e94eaa8df7fb3f52cdfc

Ever since the start of the shutdown, Ted Cruz and his Tea Party ilk have regularly stated that they're speaking for the American people with their actions and demands, because America doesn't want Obamacare. Cruz even went so far as to say if the American public was polled on whether or not to defund Obamacare, we'd vote 100-0 to defund it. Of course, the only poll which shows such numbers resides in the mind of Ted Cruz himself, since every reputable poll has shown that the public doesn't want to defund the healthcare plan and they especially don't want it to be the reason for the shutdown. Perhaps what Cruz was really stating with his poll numbers is that he hears 100 voices, all of whom support the defunding of Obamacare. Cruz and company love to talk about poll numbers surrounding Obamacare. Why wouldn't they? The Republican Party spent how much money on negative ads surrounding the healthcare reform bill? They spent how much time during election season t...

It seems that politicians affiliated with the Tea Party think the government is evil, aren't coy about saying this, and do everything in their power to shutdown the government, which they just did. I've always found this to be a tad odd. First off, why would someone seek a position with a group he or she didn't believe in? Secondly, if this person was hired, why would he or she do everything in their power to shut it down? Can you imagine people in other professions holding a similar philosophy? If these individuals were to earn their job through a vote, I imagine their ads would go as follows: Position: Teacher "I'm going to be frank - I don't believe in public education. I never did, as a matter of fact. It's actually my goal to get education abolished entirely. We simply don't need it. The only things we need to learn are from our parents and our Lord Jesus Christ. So, please keep that in mind this next Tuesday when you make your vote, and vote f...

The Koch-funded anti-Obamacare group Generation Opportunity just started airing a couple of new ads which put the term "creepy" to shame. Both ads can be seen here -  http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/09/19/2649001/anti-obamacare-college-ads/  (and elsewhere). I'll wait a couple minutes for you to view them. ::waiting while listening to the final 1/3 of "Stairway to Heaven":: Welcome back. As you saw, one ad showcased a woman going to her OB/GYN for an exam and another showed a man going to a doctor for a prostate exam. When the doctors leave the room, creepy circus music then begins to play and a perverted-looking Uncle Sam pops up between the woman's legs and next to the guy who just took off his pants. At the end of the ads, a message then appears, which says, "Don't let government play doctor. Opt out of Obamacare." Evan Feinberg - president of Generation Opportunity - had this to say about the ads: "What we're trying to...

George Zimmer - the founder and face of Men's Wearhouse - was recently fired as an executive chairman of the company. He's most well-known for his deep, gravely voice that he sports on the company's commericals, where he ends them all with the tagline, "You're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it." Zimmer had this to say about the firing: "Over the past several months I have expressed my concerns to the Board about the direction the company is currently heading. Instead of fostering the kind of dialogue in the Boardroom that has, in part, contributed to our success, the Board has inappropriately chosen to silence my concerns by terminating me as an executive officer." CEO Sheldon Stein, who serves on the board at Men's Wearhouse responded to Zimmer's concerns by saying this: "All I can say is that as a Board member I am very excited about the future of The Men's Wearhouse. I totally support our CEO Doug Ewert and ou...

One reason I really hope that the Democratic Party kicks some serious tail tomorrow night in the elections is the Citizens United ruling. In this election cycle, $628,942,928 has been spent by Super PACs. Among the top five Super PAC spenders are three conservative-leaning groups: American Crossroads, Restore Our Future and Americans for Prosperity, whom have spent a combined $355,098,737. The two liberal-leaning groups - Priorities USA and Majority PAC - have spent a combined $104,905,151, or 29.5% of the there conservative-leaning groups. For the presidential election, Super PACs have spent a combined $556,746,117. When it comes to President Obama, $25,889,820 has been spent in support of him and $137,772,488 against Romney. On the flip-side, for Governor Romney, $90,957,779 has been spent in support of him and $290,006,064 against the president. So, the ratio of anti-Romney to pro-Romney spending by Super PACs is at roughly 1.5 : 1. However, the ratio of anti-Obama to pro-Obama sp...

I'm a resident in the state of Ohio. Being originally from Nebraska, which is redder than a rash on Rudolph's nose, elections were more boring than watching a miniature a NASCAR race in slow-motion. We saw less of the presidential candidates than we saw of Bigfoot running through cornfields.  Yes, four years prior to the election, we knew who was going to win - the Republican candidate. That's not the case in Ohio, where we see the candidates more than we see some members of our immediate family. I'm surprised presidential candidates haven't bought homes in the Buckeye state for as much time as they spend here during election season. When they travel back home, they probably wake up some nights missing Ohio and thinking, "I wish I was back home. Wait...what am I saying? I am home! Ohio's home... What? Where am I? I'm so confused!" I admit, it's quite a bit more exciting in this state than in Nebraska around election time, because it truly fee...

With President Obama receiving a rather large post-convention bounce at the polls and the Romney/Ryan team talking themselves in so many circles that it's been reported that the two sober men failed a sobriety test, the November election is looking more and more like an uphill fight for the Republican ticket. In recent days, it's been reported that the Romney team has pulled its ads from the states of Pennsylvania, Michigan and Paul Ryan's home state of Wisconsin. They'll instead focus their attention on the following states: Colorado, Florida, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina and Virginia. There are mixed reports on what the team plans on doing about Ohio. It appears as if, while they're still running ads in the Buckeye state, they've pulled them from a very large portion of the state. In other words, it appears as if the Romney team is conceding Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and may not be far removed from conceding Ohio as well. This spells ...

On July 17th of this year, President Barack Obama made a campaign stop in Roanoke, Virginia and it appeared to be like any other campaign stop - one where the president attempted to rile the base and persuade undecided voters that he was the superior of the two main options come the November election. However, according to the Romney team, this speech was unlike any other, as it was the shortest in recorded history - lasting all but fourteen words. Yes, according the Romney team, the president said only the following: "If you've got a business, you didn't build that. Somebody else made that happen." One can only imagine how perplexed and irritated the Roanoke crowd was, some having waited for several hours to hear the president speak and only receiving five seconds of his time in return. It reminds me of an Alice Cooper concert I attended where the band played "School's Out" and then left the stage. No, that didn't happen and neither did Obama...

I honestly think the Dr. Pepper Ten ads are stupid - "It's not for women!" They may be joking, but I don't find it very funny and I highly doubt the majority of women do, whom make up 51% of the population. So, I'm thinking of campaigning against these ads by showcasing myself and saying "It is for women". What "it" is shall not be revealed at this time, but with the perverted look in my eyes upon uttering the before-mentioned words, I have a hunch most people will understand what I'm getting at and assume me as a prostitute.

Based on what transpired with regard to the debt ceiling (and elsewhere), I can picture the following ad in the run-up to the 2012 elections: The poor will be thrown under the bus. The middle class will be no more. The rich will become richer. Women won't have the right to choose. Gays will be treated like second-class citizens. Minorities' votes will be limited as much as possible. We will get our daily pointers from Fox News. We will speak in catchy slogans and our voices will be raised at every available opportunity. We will instill fear and anger in the American people and through this, encourage division. We will misuse the name of God. We will never compromise for the better good of the people, always standing firm, regardless of the consequences. We will represent 1% of this great country. We're the Republican Party and we approve this message.