The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I seriously wonder how much these NFL replacement refs are making and once I hear the number, if I can apply for the job. Based on the calls I've seen in the first two weeks of the season, there's a decent chance I could do just as well, if not better than these refs. In Week 1, the Seattle Seahawks were given four timeouts in the second half of their 20-16 loss to the Arizona Cardinals. Last I heard, teams possessed only three timeouts in each half. I'm now being told this is true, but Seattle had access to a get-a-free-timeout coupon it saw in their local paper and the referees accepted it. This same thing benefited the Detroit Lions in their opening week come-from-behind win against the St. Louis Rams, as they were afforded a fourth timeout in the second half. Rumor has it that Lions head coach Jim Schwartz bribed the replacement officials with Monopoly money and they took it. Forty-four seconds magically vanished from the clock pending a challenge from Pittsburgh ...