The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I don't often get personal on here, but feel the need to do so to start the new year. I've never really been one for New Year's resolutions. This year is different, however. Last year was a bumpy, transitional year for me. For the longest time, I was battling early- to middle-life demons, from childhood sexual abuse to epilepsy to a brain tumor and subsequent surgery and beyond. I never fully dealt with the abuse I suffered as a child, for fear my attacker would come after me. This led me to depression, isolation, anxiety, and alcohol. With the help of those closest to me, I finally began the process of placing those demons behind me last year. I still have a ways to go, however, and hope I'm able to ultimately defeat said demons this year. That's my ultimate goal. I no longer want to be in any way controlled by the demons of my past. I want to finally feel like I have some control over my life. I want to be a better man, a better father, a better boyfriend, a b...

Modern Family star Sarah Hyland is receiving a great deal of criticism for her post-Golden Globes Instagram video, where she acts drunk (she's sober) and flirts with an old male bellhop, who catches her when she falls after trying to exit the elevator. Under the video is the caption, "2018 starting off great. Tip #1: When you drink alone. Drink alone w/ #JohntheBellHop @instylemagazine #goldenglobes party." She later defended herself, posting, "#JohntheBellHop is a very nice old man. FYI. 'completely sober'." Before going any further, you can watch the clip here -  http://www.thisisinsider.com/sarah-hyland-controversial-golden-globes-after-party-instagram-video-2018-1 The video received the following responses:  - "Counterintuitive" - "Wow I'm shocked this is still up given the whole times up movement. Doesn't look good." - "Not sending a strong message." - "Repulsive" - "'Wh...

I've had my share of laughs, pictures, WTF moments, and bonding experiences when drinking alcohol, but anymore, the adult beverage is just causing me problems and it's time to quit. I gave it up for 4 months earlier this year, in light of some rather unexpected major panic attacks. After my body adjusted to the medication, I started off slowly with the drinking, but just 3 months later, and I'm already feeling the negative effects: Gout, elevated anxiety, elevated blood pressure, elevated heart rate, fatigue, etc. While I could undergo a personal experiment and test how many drinks I can consume on a given night and how many consecutive nights I can drink without suffering such ill effects, I don't want to put my mind, heart, and rest of my body through that. So, I think it's just time to give it up. Some of my friends and family members seem to feel bad for me, but I don't see the reason why. Without alcohol, I'll sleep better, feel better, look better, and...

On December 26th of last year I suffered my first panic attack. Of all my health ordeals through the years, and there have been many, this was by far and away the scariest of the lot. My blood pressure shot up from 120/80 to 197/118. My heart-rate jumped from 90 beats per minute to 155. I started losing feeling in my arms and legs. It reached the point where I looked my mother in the eyes, told her I loved her, and goodbye, because I thought that was it. Fortunately that wasn't the case, but it's been a long four months back to recovery, and I'm still not fully there just yet. Between the numerous tests I underwent, the multiple medications to which I've been prescribed, and trying to make constant adjustments due to the medications and anxiety, it's been anything but an easy process. Due to ignorance on all parties' part, I was initially asked to refrain from consuming caffeine (including allergy pills) and alcohol. It was discovered fairly early that neither c...

While I've preferred Ohio Governor John Kasich over the rest of the GOP field from the start of the primaries, that's like saying I'd prefer a paper cut over a root canal. Kasich recently made this analogy all the more accurate after answering a young woman's question about how to better prevent sexual assault on college campuses by saying, "I'd also give you one bit of advice, don't go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol." Yes, that's all there is to it, ladies; the onus is apparently on you. You must learn to refrain from meeting up with friends at a party over the weekend because you'll run the risk of a drunk man forcing himself on you sexually... I'm sorry, but this comment is ridiculous on multiple fronts. First off, and most importantly, sexual assault victims are the victims, not causes of sex-related crimes. We need to stop treating them like the causes of these unfortunate incidents and providing excuses for the perpetr...

Drinking alcohol is pretty common in my family, especially on my dad's side (around the holidays). When we all get together, it's just something we've always done. I have no idea how the tradition started, who started it, or anything of the sort. I just know when we all get together around the holidays, there are five constants: 1) Lots of food, 2) Alcohol, 3) Music, 4) Television, and 5) Laughter. I suppose after working X number of hours throughout the course of a week, month, year, it's nice to kick back, have a few drinks, and relax with the family around the holidays. However, given my recent health problems, I've decided to stop drinking, at least until my doctors and I get everything sorted. A similar thing occurred in 2009 and 2010 when I was ill. My doctors and I were uncertain of what was transpiring, so I decided to cut myself off from alcohol during that time (most of that time anyway). Once we finally started figuring out what was going on and my sympto...

Florida Senator and GOP presidential hopeful Marco Rubio recently went to Liberty University to talk to students and try to provide them with one reason to vote for him, He closed the appearance by answering some students' questions. For the most part, the question-and-answer session went fairly well, as Rubio's responses were light-hearted, wanting to present himself in a fun and carefree way. With regard to the final question and answer, however, things got rather interesting, so interesting that the exchange is already trending on Twitter, not even a minute after it took place. For the final question, Liberty University Senior Christian Sirmixalot asked, "Senator Rubio, if you could go back in time, what's the one thing you've dreamt you could have done more than any other?" Senator Rubio paused at first, before smiling and saying the following:  "That's an interesting question. Usually when I get asked such questions, especially if I...

When GOP presidential hopeful Marco Rubio was recently asked who he'd like to have a beer with, he came back with three answers: 1) Ex-NFL star Dan Marino, 2) Russian chess master Garry Kasparov, and 3) underage Muslim Malala Yousafzai. No, this isn't an article by The Onion . Malala, an 18-year-old Pakistani Muslim, can't legally purchase alcohol for two reasons: 1) She's underage and 2) She's a Muslim in Pakistan. Yeah, when asked the question who they'd most like to have a beer with, here's how some of the candidates would likely respond: Donald Trump: "I've already had a beer with pretty much everybody." Mike Huckabee: "I'd like to have a drink with Kim Davis again." Ben Carson: "I only drink for Jesus." Chris Christie: "I'd like to have a beer with Joey, Tony, Tommy, Johnny, Donny, and Gus." Jeb Bush: "I'd like to sit down and have a drink with the smartest, bravest man I've ...

Much talk has been made of Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples due to her religious beliefs, even though same-sex marriage is now legal nationwide. She was then found in contempt of court and temporarily jailed before being released earlier today. Well, another such story regarding religious freedom  at the workplace was reported recently, as ExpressJet flight attendant Charee Stanley was suspended by the airline for refusing to serve alcohol on flights due to her Islamic faith. She's been placed on unpaid leave and it's uncertain at this time if she'll ever work for the company again. She's since filed a discrimination complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. After reading the entire article, Charee Stanley's case is quite similar to Kim Clark's, but not identical. Ms. Stanley's been an employee of ExpressJet for approximately three years. Two years ago, she converted to Islam and ...

A week ago tomorrow was Cinco de Mayo, which has become, like The Nightly Show host Larry Wilmore put it, "The Mexican version of St. Paddy's Day." I joined my mother at a Mexican restaurant where we both consumed one margarita a piece (I know, we were getting crazy). Afterward, I discussed the restaurant and holiday with someone, whom responded by saying, "Aren't margaritas girly drinks?" I kind of laughed at this question at first, because when thinking back to everyone ordering margaritas at the restaurant, I thought to myself, "I saw anyone and everyone, from 21-year-old college girls to 80-year-old men, from women under 5 feet tall to men close to 7 feet tall and 350 lbs. drinking these things." Not really caring what people thought of men drinking margaritas, but still curious on if they were commonly thought of as "girly" drinks, I did some research on the matter and sadly discovered that a number of people do believe such a thing....

As anyone who knows me could confidently state, I'm a major proponent of research, studies, and just science in general. Yes, I'm one of those crazy ones that likes to learn through observing, testing, and reading, as opposed to through ancient books, psychics, and conspiracy theories. In saying all of this, however, there are times when I'll read about a study that will have me shaking my head, rolling my eyes in a manner which would make Linda Blair impressed, and wondering aloud, "Why in the hell was this really necessary?" Such a study was just released by some Bristol University researchers and published in the most recent edition of the journal Alcohol and Alcoholism . What did this "study" showcase? Oh, just the following, as reported by David Freeman of The Huffington Post : - "For the study, researchers at Bristol University took three headshots each of heterosexual students ranging in age from 18 to 30 years: one showing the student so...

Most people I know, so long as they're not driving under the influence, are rather harmless when they drink. Yes, many will get to be a bit louder and perhaps more social with complete strangers. Some will garner something known as "liquid courage" and either sing karaoke or ask a person for their phone number. There are even others that will get quiet and have a goofy smile on their faces. Even though it's a depressant, alcohol does affect people's personalities differently. However, for as harmless as the before-mentioned alterations are to someone's personality, there are other people whom suffer far more detrimental and potentially dangerous effects. Unfortunately, it seems that more times than not, these individuals don't see how alcohol negatively affects them and continue drinking. When it comes to me drinking, I've been told I can get slightly more social and animated. However, there have been times when people have walked up to me and said, ...

Since it's getting close to the weekend, I feel like lightening things up a bit with a joke. :: clears throat :: So, did you hear the one about a former potential vice president and her family getting into a brawl at a birthday party with a bunch of competitive snowmobile racers? No? Well, you're in for a treat, because it's actually true. A couple of weekends ago, Sarah Palin and her family attended a birthday party in Anchorage, where more competitive snowmobile racers were present than in the rest of the country combined. Yes, this included her husband, Todd. Things appeared to be going well for a while, but that all changed when Sarah's son, Track, allegedly confronted his sister Willow's ex-boyfriend. You know what? I think I'd be better off telling this story in a setting where I feel it'd be most appropriate - The Jerry Springer Show . Audience: "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" Jerry Springer: "Thank you, and welcome to the show. I...

Over the past several weeks and months, I can't tell you how many times I've read or heard stories which focused on female victims of sexual assault needing to take more responsibility to prevent these crimes from taking place, and frankly, I'm sick of it. Why, so often, do people place the full weight of responsibility on the shoulders of sexual assault victims, as opposed to the actual perpetrators of the sexual assaults? Almost every time I hear people talking about such situations, they mention one or more of the following: - "She shouldn't have been wearing something so revealing. She was kind of asking for it." - "She should have known better than to have drank so much at that party. That was pretty stupid." - "She should have come prepared, brought some Mace, a gun, or something." - "She should have brought some friends along that she fully trusted." - "She shouldn't have flirted with/been so nice to ...

I'm all for donating to good causes and doing all we can to find potential cures for a number of debilitating and/or deadly illnesses, however, I also don't think it makes a whole lot of sense to risk many people's lives in a Jacka*s - type of stunt in order to do so. Of course, I'm referring to the Ice Bucket (Water) Challenge, where willing participants have to either donate money to the ALS cause (or other causes) within a certain duration of time or have a bucket of ice cold water dumped over their head. Many people have decided to both donate and have the bucket of water dumped on them, and to the cause's credit, it has raised over $15 million for ALS research. However, while rare, at least one fatality has been linked to this challenge, and former neonatal pediatrician Dr. Stephen Wealthall hopes it comes to a halt before anyone else dies. On July 7th of this year, Willis Tepania (40) died after going into cardiac arrest after having water poured over hi...

Congress Getting Drunk - I Vote Aye! (on pages 119-124 in The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue ... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes) There's a reason why root canals are more popular than Congress right now, as Congress' approval rating stands at approximately 13%.(119) At least with a root canal, something is taking place which needs to be done. That's more than can be said about Congress, which is doing next to nothing and doesn't seem to be at all phased by it. This is especially the case with the Republican-dominated House of Representatives. While the Senate has been fairly worthless, it has at least given the illusion that it can pass a bill worthy of being passed, whereas the Republican House appears itself to be hallucinating with the rare bills it passes, while sporadically suffering flashbacks to when its members were involved in a Jim Jones-like cult. Even though Democrats control the Senate and the President of the United S...

Conservative commentator James Taranto has come under fire for a op-ed he recently posted in The Wall Street Journal , entitled, "Drunkenness and Double Standards - A balanced look at college sex offenses." Taranto spends a decent amount of his time cherry-picking cases where men were wrongly accused of rape, before appearing to insinuate that intoxicated female rape victims are just as much to blame for the event as the male rapists. The common denominator for him is alcohol, which he believes is the main reason for this alleged double standard with regard to sexual assault in our country. In the article, Taranto writes the following: "Winerip notes that between 2005 and 2010, 'more than 60 percent of claims involving sexual violence handled by United Educators'--an insurance company owned by member schools--"involved young women who were so drunk they had no clear memory of the assault.' We know from Sgt. Cournoyer that the accused men typically ...

It's just another day, and I see another pro-gun Facebook meme being posted which has failed-in-Critical-Thinking-class written all over it (figuratively speaking, of course). The meme says the following: "When there's a bombing,  we blame the BOMBER. When there's a drunk-driving accident, we blame the DRIVER. Why, when there's a shooting, do we blame the GUN?" Both of these comparisons fail miserably. First off, creating a bomb is illegal. Wonder why Congress doesn't push for more bomb-control legislation? Because there isn't a need for any, since making bombs is illegal. It is legal for most people of a certain age to purchase and own a gun. This is why some members of Congress have pushed for stricter gun-control laws. This lack of logic brings back memories of my Critical Thinking professor, where he would blurt out, "Fail!" at such a lousy comparison. With regard to driving, like with purchasing a gun, it i...

Yet another man has come forward in partially blaming a rape victim for that very crime. On Fox News' Shepard Smith Reports , attorney Joseph DiBenedetto made the following statement in light of news that a Missouri teenager had been raped by a classmate: "What did she expect to happen at one in the morning after sneaking out? I'm not saying - assuming that these facts are accurate and this did happen - I'm not saying she deserved to be raped, but knowing the facts as we do here including what the prosecutor has set forth, this case is going nowhere and it's going nowhere quick." To his credit, host Shepard Smith followed DiBenedetto's despicable remarks by saying this: "What you've done, Joseph, is taken tan alleged victim of rape and turned her into a liar and a crime committer. That's a far jump from a thousand miles away." I love how people like DiBenedetto believe that if X goes out past a certain time in a certain area and is ...

Television talk show host Dr. Phil (McGraw) has come under fire for a tweet he posted Tuesday on Twitter. The tweet said, "If a girl is drunk, is it OK to have sex with her? Reply yes or no to @drphill #teenaccused" This has resulted in a Change.org petition going around, which has already resulted in over 800 signatures. It's also resulted in some angry responses before the tweet was finally removed. Here are a few examples of these very responses: - "Dr Oz was saving lives today and Dr. Phil is trying to hook up with drunk girls where is @oprah she needs to have an emergency team meeting" - "If Dr. Phil is drunk is it okay for him to tweet?" - "If a person is a misogynist, is it OK to just refer to him as 'Dr. Phil' from now on? #DrPhilQuestions" Now, it's ridiculous to think that Dr. Phil was "trying to hook up with drunk girls," as one responder claims, since the talk show host was likely just trying to gar...