The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I stumbled upon what I found to be a somewhat interesting, yet perplexing conversation this past weekend. While I've often times said that it seriously seems as though men and women are from two different planets, there are other times I have to wonder if we're more similar than many like to believe. When it comes to relationships, most people seem to have a mental set of rules or guidelines, and as I've stated before, I think one essential criteria for a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship is for a person to find another with whom their rules or guidelines match. Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling things won't work long-term if a guy only thinks sexual intercourse is cheating, while his girlfriend feels anything physical is. When the man starts kissing another woman, while he may not see it as cheating, his girlfriend will, and chances are the two will either split up right then and there or soon thereafter when another such event takes place. Since there ...

Ever go to a bar for a bit, observe a bartender, interact with him or her, and walk out wondering why they're a bartender? I've run into this scenario on three occasions. One bartender was just extremely rude and after receiving several complaints, she got fired for that very reason. Another bartender just wasn't very social - he lacked the bartender personality, and even though he tried, the job just didn't seem to suit him well. Unsurprisingly, last I heard, he was doing something completely different with his life. That brings me to the third bartender - the one I know the best of all three, largely due to the fact I attend this pub about once every 2-3 weeks. While I'll admit that for the most part, the guy does work hard, he simply comes across as the anti-bartender bartender.  Almost any "expert" in the field of bartending will say the five most important qualities for a great bartender to possess are: Multitasking, communication, organization...

There have been rumors and allegations that current Baltimore Ravens and future Hall-of-Fame linebacker Ray Lewis used deer-antler spray to heal more quickly from an injury. There have been mixed reports on whether or not the spray contains a substance which has been banned by the NFL.  I guess my question is this. Please keep in mind I'm not pro- nor anti-Baltimore Ravens (or Ray Lewis). Year in and year out around this time of year, the only things I really pull for with regard to the Super Bowl are great commercials and a great game. Okay, now, I completely understand why it should be illegal for players of any sport to use a list of banned substances which may give them an unfair advantage when they're actually playing. However, it doesn't make a great deal of sense to me for these substances to be illegal if these players are injured and simply trying to recover more quickly. I know people whom have been prescribed steroids, because the doctors believed it would qui...

Here's a rule I've never fully understood. Why is it that players can foul out of basketball games, but not in other sports? I understand ejections, when a player's behavior goes way over the line and gets to the point of causing a major disruption to the flow of the game and intentionally risks serious injury to another through an over-the-top act of violence. However, an offensive lineman won't get kicked out of a game for committing five false starts. Hockey players will only see a couple minutes in the penalty box for such an occurrence. Why in basketball, when a player commits 5-6 fouls (depending on the level of play we're talking about), does he or she have to sit on the bench for the rest of the game? Why not force a player to be benched for 2 minutes after reaching a certain number of fouls, and sit another minute for each additional foul, or something along those lines? Fans go to these games to watch the stars play. They don't go to watch bench-warmer...

I can't count the number of times I've heard or read someone precede the word "historic" with the article "an." This isn't because I'm somehow deficient at math. I've simply lost track. I'd approximate that four out of five times I hear or read someone utter the two words "an historic," they sound extremely confident when doing so - like they've just wowed the world by thinking they've correctly preceded "historic" with "an," when in fact they're incorrect on the matter. I always find that to be humorous. It's one thing for a person to be wrong about a claim they make. It's quite another for them to be uber-confident about said claim and be wrong. It reminds me of a time back in grade school. Some classmates and I arrived to school early and were waiting for the doors to be opened. For whatever reason, I asked one of them, almost jokingly, what the capital of Nebraska was. For the record...

I hate doing this, but after watching some college football today, felt the need to inform a couple announcers about the rules of college football. On two separate occasions today, I heard announcers state the following after a flag was thrown: "It appears as if we have a face mask on the way and it's the 15-yard variety!"  It wasn't always this way, but all face-mask penalties are now 15 yards. All touchdowns are worth 6 points. All field goals are worth 3 points. All college football announcers should read up on the rules of the game before calling any games. That or they'd be welcome to call me for some pointers. I'll only charge $1,500.00 per second. I can be reached at the number 1-800-YEAHDUH. Call away!

This poem can be found on pages 17-18 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". The beat and rhythm, Shades and touch, The rhymes and flow, The big red splotch, Beautiful on the eyes, Coherent or not, Beautiful to the heart, Emotionally affecting, The blind man on the piano, The deaf woman singing solo, The armless individual painting a picture, The child in a wheelchair writing a best seller, Ever expanding, Infinite possibilities, The mind, heart and soul in unison, Forming a beauteous equation, No rules can be written, There is no right or wrong, No limitations can be made, No boundaries in art.

I just spoke to a friend of mine a while back on this matter. She stated that, while it was alright for males to be caught wearing sweatpants in public, it's wrong for a female to do such a thing. Her reasoning was that sweatpants are only made to work out or sleep in. There aren't any exceptions. Is this true, ladies? Is it a secret code or law you all have with one another? Are sweatpants to American women like Burkas are to Muslim women, in a sense? While Muslim women are prohibited to go out into public without their Burkas properly placed, American women can't be seen in public wearing sweatpants? I'm utterly confused on this matter. Why? I don't know. Clothing just isn't that big of a deal to me, I guess. I'm the enemy of most major retailer stores. GAP, American Eagle, Abercrombie and Fitch, they all can't stand me. I wear clothes for humor, for expression, for comfort, and for as little as it'll cost me. This is where I'll never be ...

What I love about art (the arts) more than anything is the fact that it holds no particular rules or boundaries. I even wrote a poem about this a while back, entitled, "No Rules." If you try to change the rules in math and decide that 2 + 2 = 7, sure, in your new world of math, that may be correct, but the teacher won't mark it down that way. If you decide that your boss's layout for a project isn't quality enough, so you decide to change things here and there, you might as well go looking for a new job. If you want to see a movie, but don't want to pay for it, unless you have connections, then good luck. If you decide to go 100 in a 55, expect to get pulled over for doing 45 over the speed limit. Everywhere else in life, there are non-stop rules, boundaries and guidelines enforced on us. At work, school, at theaters, concerts, bars, in relationships, with the family, parenting, driving, but not in art. While there is a certain formula used in all ot...