The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

It was reported three weeks ago that, twice a day, President Donald Trump is presented with a packet of papers which, wait for it, present him in a positive light. These papers include positive: Cable news chyrons, tweets, TV interview transcripts, stories, pictures, etc. Outside of tweeting nonsensical things, this is how the president starts his day. Ironically enough, with Trump's approval rating in the 30s, these positive references are becoming harder to come by. In fact, they're becoming so rare, I have to wonder if members of Trump's inner-circle aren't making up said stories, or at the very least, editing negative headlines to make them come across as positive. Here's how I envision the titles of some of these positive papers: - "You were very handsome at one point in your life." - One of your three wives or many mistresses - "People who say you're a liar don't know the real you. You once told me your name was Donald Trump. That wa...

I recently got into a discussion regarding the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason." While I've written about this phrase before, and how much it irks me when another utters it, it's mainly due to 95% of the people using it in reference to a higher power and predestination. When I recently discussed this with another, she referred to its accuracy due to causality (everything does literally happen for a reason, due to cause and effect). While I don't think I can dispute that claim, again, the reason why this phrase gets under my skin so much (not literally) is because, most times, it's used in reference to predestination and not in reference to causality. While the causality route may appear to be insensitive when it's used with regard to a tragedy of some kind, it's at least accurate. The predestination route, to me anyway, comes across as both insensitive and likely inaccurate. Here is an example of each: Causality Route (rarely, if ever used) ...

One of the most controversial aspects of the stand-your-ground laws (I'm talking to you, Florida...) is the fact it can give one an excuse to kill a person and then claim self-defense. In this type of scenario, the deceased individual is left with no opportunity to tell their side of the story, and with no other witnesses, it becomes the word of the living killer against that of the deceased victim. This is why it appears the shooter is more prone to being punished if his or her targets survived the shots than if one of them was killed. Michael Dunn is the most recent example of this. He shot three African-American teenagers in their car at a gas station and wound up killing one of them. While he's been found guilty with attempted murder of the two kids whom survived, it couldn't be determined one way or the other whether or not he killed the one kid in an act of self-defense. Not to make light of the Michael Dunn tragedy or others like it, but to depict just how ridiculo...

We can debate the reasoning all we'd like, but it seems that there's nothing the Republican Party hates more than President Obama. His healthcare overhaul was a Republican idea back in the '90s, but since it has Obama's name on it, Congressional Republicans have attempted to repeal the bill over 40 times. Many Republicans supported the NSA after 9/11 when President George W. Bush was in office. Under Obama, they're fierce opponents of it. It's as if, since President Obama was inaugurated, the GOP has decided to play the opposite game with him. If he says one thing, they will respond by disagreeing and suggesting the opposite route would be better for the country. This "opposite game" has gotten so ridiculous, I suggest that President Obama has a little fun with the GOP by uttering the following quotes: President Obama: "As the song goes, I think the children are our future. We need them to be properly educated, to grow up and be intelligent, hea...

Recently, I read an article by a writer at the Huffington Post who defended over-using the word "like," and it "like" made me want to scream. The writer is one Madeleine Crum and the title of the article is, "It's Totally Okay To Say 'Like.'" Yes, it just gets better from there... I'll focus on four paragraphs of Ms. Crum's article, all of which come toward the very end of it, where she starts by saying this: "'Like' can serve two important, or at least forgivable, functions. The first is to allow a certain tentativeness to a spoken thought. Extroverts, like 'Valley girls,' are prone to thinking while they speak rather than before they speak, which means their language is more likely to include filler words, used while thoughts are being formed." This is an "important," or at least "forgivable" function of the word "like?" For some reason, I'm not thinking public speaking...

Christopher Columbus thought he was in India, so he referred to the people there as Indians. That makes sense. However, he wasn't in India; he was in America. So, while "Native Americans" isn't the perfect term to describe that group of people, it seems far more appropriate than Indians, which comes across as kind of silly to me. That would be like if the following scenarios occurred: - A person sails to Africa thinking it's America. From that time forth, certain people in Africa are referred to as Americans. - Someone sails to Japan thinking it's Australia. Certain folks in Japan have since been called Australians. - A delusional man sets sail to Ireland thinking it's Mars. Ireland is now full of Martians! Maybe this is why Americans are notoriously bad at geography. Christopher Columbus just paved the way for the rest of us! Hooray for Columbus Day! Columbus - the capital of Ohio, which is, where is that again? Crap, where's my globe? Where...

Unlike many people, I actually enjoy reading about, discussing, and writing about politics. However, for as much as I enjoy talking about the hot-button political issues of the day, I know when not to bring up such matters. On the other hand, it sometimes feels as if many others don't possess that filter and no matter what the situation, they feel the need to get political. It doesn't matter if the discussion pertains to sports, music, movies, food, cars, or something else, there are people whom will find a way to transition from said topic to politics. While this typically results in the room suddenly getting very quiet due to the awkward transition from something pleasant to politics, it often times makes me chuckle in hindsight due to how much thought and how little effort was seemingly placed in the strange subject change. Some examples are as follows: Subject: Sports Buster Hunchback: "I can't believe those Chicago Cubs! When's the last time they won? Geez...

The Republican Party's re-branding effort has gone about as smoothly as a man with Tourette's Syndrome hitting on a blind woman. Some members of the GOP have admitted the party needs to reach out to a broader range of voters, including women and minorities. However, that hasn't gone so well and an increasing number of Republicans are starting to suggest there's really no point in trying to reach out to such voters. In a last ditch effort, the party has tried resorting to history to woo the vote of minorities, African-Americans in particular. Members have said, "Which party was mainly responsible for passing the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act? It was the Republican Party! Come on! Why don't you support the party that supported you back in 1964?" That's the thing. While it's true that under then Democratic President Lyndon B. Johnson, approximately 80% of Republican House and Senate members voted for the Civil Rights Act and close t...

In a study conducted by Institute, based on 600,000 phone calls from customers to businesses in the past year, it was found that Ohio residents swear more than residents of any other state in this country! Ohioans also ranked in the bottom five in terms of courtesy. As a current resident of the Buckeye state, was I surprised by this? Not really, at least on the swearing front. Here's what I typically hear Ohioans say in the following situations (alright, some of these quotes may be slightly exaggerated, to the point where I'm sporting a Pinnochio-esque nose): Situation: Ordering a drink "Can a guy get a f**king beer around here? S**t!" Situation: Ordering food at a nice restaurant "I'd like the steak. I want it medium-f**kin'-raw! None of that medium-well bulls**t! I want it pink to the point where I can hear the f**king cow f**king moo, okay? You got that?" Situation: Asking a woman out at a bar "Hey baby. You're look f**k...

As most of the country (and world) should know by now, if there's one person a Republican politician shouldn't mirror as far as speech-giving goes, it's former President George W. Bush. The guy has had more jokes told about his speech-gaffes than Snoop Dogg has smoked joints. Well, Mitt Romney recently attempted to go against that common wisdom and become one with his innermost Bush while speaking at the CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) this past Friday. On February 4th of 2005, when speaking to a divorced mother of three in Omaha, Nebraska, former President Bush said this - "You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." Yes, I cringed while reading that also... As noted, Romney gave his best Bush impersonation by saying the following at CPAC on Friday: "Single moms who are working two jobs so their kids can have the same kind of [things] other kids at school have. Dads ...

Former Republican vice presidential candidate and lover of an Ayn Rand blow-up doll - Paul Ryan - made quite the comment on our healthcare system today. Here, I'll let him explain things himself. Paul, take it away... "We believe that this law is going to collapse under its own weight... This to us is something that we're not going to give up on, because we're not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people. We want to prevent this law, which we really do believe will do great damage to families and the health care system in America." This is merely the foreshadowing of Ryan's 2016 presidential campaign, which will be called, "Vague Details of Destruction," where Mr. Detailed himself will lay about specifics in a vague manner as only he can. These vague details of destruction will include the following sure-fire winning quotes from Mr. Ryan: - "We're not going to give up on destroying the health care s...

I've been hearing a lot about "karma" recently. It's usually been used in the following manner - "Karma came back to bite him" or "Karma is a b**ch. Just wait and he'll get what he deserves." Now, I refer to myself as agnostic. While I don't believe there's enough evidence to state there is a higher power we call God, I also don't believe there's enough evidence to deny this being's possible existence either. As for karma, though, I think I have an even harder time believing it than the existence of a higher power. First off, let's look at the definition of the term: "karma [kahr-muh] noun 1. action, seen as bringing oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation. 2. the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation. 3. fate; destiny. 4. the good or bad ema...

Shortly after Hurricane Sandy struck the northeastern part of the country, Republican nominee Mitt Romney canceled a campaign rally in the critical battleground state of Ohio - the city of Kettering to be exact - and held a disaster-relief event in one Kettering, Ohio instead. At this rally - I mean, disaster-relief event - Romney shared a story with Ohioans which showcased that he is just as capable of leading in the wake of a natural disaster as President Obama when he illustrated this in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. According to Romney, his own Hurricane Sandy went as follows: "I remember once we had a football field at my high school. The field was covered with rubbish and paper goods from people who'd had a big celebration there at the game. And there was a group of us there assigned to clean it up. And I thought, 'how are we going to clean up all the mess on this football field?' There were just a few of us. And the person responsible for organizing the ...

During the final presidential debate, Republican nominee Mitt Romney made quite the gaffe, making some wonder if he had ever looked at a globe or even knew what one was. During the debate, Romney said with regard to Syria and Iran's relationship, "Syria is Iran's only ally in the Arab world. It's their route to the sea." I'll give you a moment to look at a map or globe. Take your time. I'll play a short tune while you look. If Mitt Romney is reading this, I'll place "Stairway to Heaven" on repeat for a while. Okay, everyone not named Mitt Romney, have you found it? Good. Moving on... No, I'm not sure what Mitt Romney was talking about either. First off, there are two countries between Iran and Syria - those being Iraq and Turkey. Secondly, as Glenn Kessler - fact-checker at The Washington Post  wrote, "...Iran has about 1,500 miles of coastline along the Persian Gulf and Gulf of Oman, leading to the Arabian Sea." The o...

When engaging in a political debate on Facebook last night, someone was making the claim that they're fearful of Obamacare. He never stated why he felt this way, but attempted to defend his position by saying, "I've read the bill." I've heard this a lot over the past year or two. When debating with someone about healthcare reform or about Constitutional rights, without giving any specifics, one party will declare, "Well, I've read the bill!" or "I've read the Constitution!" and that's the end of their argument. What, do these people want a cookie? A gold star? What exactly? Do they truly feel that just by saying they read a particular document, it means they know everything pertaining to said document and no one else will be able to match their level of education regarding it? If this is the case, why do they suddenly end the debate when they're asked to point out specifics regarding the document which they claimed to read a...

As he stated in his interview with Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday , Republican Vice Presidential candidate and former Mr. Universe in the eyes of himself - Paul Ryan - continued to adamantly declare that the numbers in Mitt Romney's tax plan add up. He said, "...The numbers add up; we have shown that." He then attempted to elaborate, saying: "...by subjecting higher income earners' income to more taxation, remove tax shelters, lower deductions for higher income people, more of their income is subject to taxation so you can lower tax rates for everybody across the board and shelter the middle class from any kind of tax increase. There is obviously enough fiscal space to lower tax rates to 20 percent, keep these middle-class preferences. We have show how that works." They have? That'd be news to me and the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, which showcased via analysis that "the Romney plan would have to raise taxes on the middle class (by elimina...

I seriously wonder how much these NFL replacement refs are making and once I hear the number, if I can apply for the job. Based on the calls I've seen in the first two weeks of the season, there's a decent chance I could do just as well, if not better than these refs. In Week 1, the Seattle Seahawks were given four timeouts in the second half of their 20-16 loss to the Arizona Cardinals. Last I heard, teams possessed only three timeouts in each half. I'm now being told this is true, but Seattle had access to a get-a-free-timeout coupon it saw in their local paper and the referees accepted it. This same thing benefited the Detroit Lions in their opening week come-from-behind win against the St. Louis Rams, as they were afforded a fourth timeout in the second half. Rumor has it that Lions head coach Jim Schwartz bribed the replacement officials with Monopoly money and they took it. Forty-four seconds magically vanished from the clock pending a challenge from Pittsburgh ...