The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Like a lot of people around this time of year, I'll be spending a lot of time with friends and family over the coming few days, so just in case I'm unable to write in that time-frame, I thought I'd send a "yuge" Happy Holidays shout-out to all of my readers, listeners, and followers (of the cyber-stalking variety). So, Happy Holidays, everyone! I hope you have a fun, safe, and (relatively) drama-free holiday weekend! Remember, if a relative starts to spew Trump, don't hesitate to dump eggnog on them! 'Tis the season, or something...

My next appearance on The Tracy Fort Show is scheduled for tomorrow, May 16th, at 3:30 pm EST. You can tune into the show at this link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thetracyfortshow/2016/05/16/monday-starts-a-new-chapter-in-the-show-as-craig-rozniecki-joins-the-team On the before-mentioned link is this write-up: Host Tracy Fort: "Tomorrow is bring a great, new edition to the show when Craig Rozniecki joins the show as a correspondent! We hope to have him on at least weekly. Here is a little bit about him: Author Craig Rozniecki was born six weeks early, at a robust 3.5 lbs., on February 28th of 1981 in Omaha, Nebraska. He now resides in Columbus, Ohio and has grown to be 5'9'', 170 lbs. of pure muscle, jelly beans, and Chicken Vindaloo. Not only that, but he sports hair wavier than the Atlantic Ocean during Hurricane Hemsworth, eyes greener than Willie Nelson's garden, and a single chest hair. He's written twelve books in the past ten years, including...

Being the movie geek that I am, when I saw the trending hashtag #DullDownAMovie yesterday, my mind started going bonkers, and I decided to post several such tweets. As you'll be able to see, either my 35,000+ followers aren't big into movies, movie-themed tweets aren't nearly as popular as political ones, I simply had bad timing, or a combination of the three, but in any case, I had fun. Here are my tweets, ordered from most to least popular (you can check out all my tweets here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): (Note: I'll include the actual movie titles off which my tweets were based in parentheses next to my posts) 1) Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Agnostic (Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead) #DullDownAMovie 16 Likes, 4 Retweets 2) One Flew Over the Empty Nest (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next) #DullDownAMovie 8 Likes, 5 Retweets 2) Armageddon - The Final Word At A Spelling Bee (Armageddon) #DullDownAMovie 11 Likes, 2 Retweet...

Did you hear Sarah Palin's seemingly drunken endorsement speech for Donald Trump the other day? Were you also left speechless, pondering to yourself, "What in the hell did she just say? I thought she was all about English being this country's national language..."? If that was the case, and like me, you immediately reached for some pain-killers five seconds into Palin's lecture on word salad, click on the following link to have a little fun with her speech via a Mad Lib: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sarah-palin-donald-trump_us_569fbb79e4b0a7026bf9cd33 Here's how my first attempt at a Sarah Palin Mad Lib worked out: "Thank you so much. It's so great to be here in outhouse (place). We're here just thawing out. Todd and I and a couple of our bifocals (plural noun) here from crackhouse (place), lending out support for the next president of Hooters (place), Donald J. Trump. Are you ready to make Drive-inn theater (place) great again? ...

Well, I'm heading out of town for the holiday to spend it with family. I hope all of my readers have a very fun and safe Thanksgiving weekend! I'll be back Saturday or Sunday and hopefully writing again by Sunday or Monday. Travel safe, eat well, drink plenty, and when a crazy conspiracy-prone drunk uncle attempts to talk politics with you, be sure to grab the list of exit-excuses you have in your pocket and choose wisely!

I was again busy on Twitter with a trending hashtag yesterday. I may have had bad timing in posting my 26 tweets with the hashtag #GOPDebateDemands, but in any case, several of my followers and I had a good time while it lasted. Here's the full list: 1) "Moderators cannot ask about our past decisions, where we currently stand on issues, or about our plans for the future." #GOPDebateDemands 39 favorites, 40 retweets 2) "Midway through every debate, each candidate will get to throw a snowball at the moderators to disprove global warming." #GOPDebateDemands 29 favorites, 17 retweets 3) "Fact-checking is strictly forbidden." #GOPDebateDemands 16 favorites, 14 retweets 4) "If he gets really angry, Ted Cruz is permitted to shut down the debate by reading Dr. Seuss books." #GOPDebateDemands 16 favorites, 11 retweets 5) "At the close of each debate, every candidate shall raise their right hand & shout, 'Rich lives matte...

So, I just heard about a June tour in the States I'm curious to check out if they venture this way. Who will be joining forces? Alice Cooper and Marilyn Manson in the Masters of Madness Shock Therapy Tour. What's their first stop? The uber-conservative (Mormon) Salt Lake City, Utah. The following date? The Family Arena in St. Charles, Missouri. It's too bad that Cooper is well past his prime and Manson doesn't seem to frighten parents or politicians much anymore. However, Cooper is the king of shock rock, is still quite entertaining, and Manson released a solid record not too long ago ( Born Villain ) and doesn't shy away from controversial lyrics, imagery, or commentary. I'm hoping the pair schedule a date in central Ohio or Detroit. It would definitely make for quite the theatrical, controversial, and entertaining experience. I am curious how the shock rock legends will get along backstage. Cooper is a born-again Christian and Manson doesn't appear to ...

As I'll likely be too busy tonight spending time with family, tomorrow spending time with my girlfriend, and spending time with my dad on New Year's watching college football games, I thought I'd wish all my readers a very Happy New Year! I hope that 2013 treats you better than 2012 or any other preceding year did! Be safe and have fun!

With the holiday this week and the fact I'm currently proofreading and editing another manuscript of mine, I haven't been quite as active with this blog in recent days. Hopefully, shortly after the holiday, I'll have the book finished and ready to go for release, and I can get back to being more active on this site. In the meantime, I wish everyone a very happy and safe holiday weekend! Don't do anything Charlie Sheen would do!

This past Tuesday, marijuana use became legal for recreational purposes in the two states of Colorado and Washington. While I personally agree that government-regulated and taxed marijuana should be legal for recreational use, that's not the main reason why I'm so happy of these results from last Tuesday's election. I've always wanted to see signs on the road which say, "Don't Toke and Drive" and commercials which show a bunch of people smoking doobies in a car before getting pulled over, with the narrator saying, "You toke. You drive. You lose." As the eerie music sounds during that very time, the high individuals will then be showcased laughing like they had just seen a clown streaking. I can't wait to see a new type of sobriety test for high drivers. The cop will pull the person over, have the individual sit across from them before placing a number of snacks in front of their face - Twinkies, Ho-Ho's, Doritos, etc. - and time how lon...

For any regular readers of mine, I just thought I'd note that I'll be heading out of town for the 4th of July weekend, so I likely won't be posting any blogs until I return on Monday. I've been attempting to post five per day, but won't be able to do that again until Monday at the earliest, possibly Tuesday. I hope everyone has a fun and safe 4th of July weekend!