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Showing posts with the label Fiorina

Loser of the NFC Championship game, coach Ted Cruz announces his Super Bowl starting quarterback

After his team got walloped 56-0 in the NFC Championship game on Sunday, head coach Ted Cruz surprised everyone when he made the following announcement: "After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if my team makes the Super Bowl, our starting quarterback is going to be Tim Tebow. One of the most important decisions a football coach can make is who he picks as his quarterback and I think it's safe to say you can all rest assured Tim Tebow is intelligent, dependable, and most importantly, he's a winner. The guy can run, throw, keep benches warm, and even dunk the oval-shaped balls in basketball rings if that's what he's called to do on 4th down. I know our last game was a rough one, but I want our fans to know we're going to fight every step of the way, no matter what, even when those steps don't actually exist. Thank you and let's continue marching our way to the Super Bowl as God intended!" Tim Tebow then...

Trump, Carson, and Fiorina suffered great confusion, migraines, & panic attacks hearing substantive debate answers

According to reports, while watching CNN's Democratic debate last night, GOP front-runners Donald Trump, Ben Carson, and Carly Fiorina suffered from great confusion, migraine headaches, and panic attacks while hearing substantive answers from the Democratic candidates. When I got a hold of witnesses by phone, here's what they told me: Donald Trump's witness - "He started this drinking game where, every time he didn't understand a word that was spoken, he'd have to yell out, 'Loser!,' and take a shot of Bacardi. I've never heard the guy utter that word so much in my life!" Ben Carson's witness - "He started rubbing his head two minutes into the debate, mumbling, 'Why do they have to talk and know so much? At least I know brain surgery, know Jesus, and know Jesus didn't need no brain surgery!' He then started rocking back and forth and quietly sung Queen songs. I'll never forget how he half sung-half mumbled ...