The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I see that today is "Pan Visibility Day." Yes, go to your kitchens this instance and show some respect to your pots and pans! Okay, so this has nothing to do with kitchen appliances and everything to do with "pansexuality." What is "pansexuality"? I'm so glad I asked. It's when one is sexually attracted to all genders. But wait, aren't there just two genders, which would therefore make the person bisexual? Not necessarily, but I see your confusion. While many use the terms "sex" and "gender" interchangeably, there is technically a difference between them. When you think "sex," think genitalia (just the word, don't actually picture those odd looking things). So, with exceptions, there are two sexes - male and female (again, there are exceptions). However, gender has more to do with how a person identifies, which goes past just their nether-regions. Yes, this is where things get really confusing, but please bear ...

Die-hard Trump supporters befuddle me to no end. Let's think about this for a moment here. Most of these individuals identify as "Christian," are big into "family values," and claim to vote Republican for their children's well-being and futures. It's also common to hear them berate celebrities for not being good role models to their kids. Yet here they are steadfast in their support for Donald Trump, a man who: - Has been married three times - Has cheated on all three of his wives - Has a history of making lewd comments toward women - Has allegedly sexually harassed/assaulted 20+ women - According to Pulitzer Prize-winning site Politifact , lies approximately 69% of the time, while telling the truth just 17% of the time - Has a history of making discriminatory remarks against minorities of all stripes - Has a tendency to get angry - Has trouble taking responsibility for his own actions, often casting blame elsewhere - Seems to believe t...

According to reports, while watching CNN's Democratic debate last night, GOP front-runners Donald Trump, Ben Carson, and Carly Fiorina suffered from great confusion, migraine headaches, and panic attacks while hearing substantive answers from the Democratic candidates. When I got a hold of witnesses by phone, here's what they told me: Donald Trump's witness - "He started this drinking game where, every time he didn't understand a word that was spoken, he'd have to yell out, 'Loser!,' and take a shot of Bacardi. I've never heard the guy utter that word so much in my life!" Ben Carson's witness - "He started rubbing his head two minutes into the debate, mumbling, 'Why do they have to talk and know so much? At least I know brain surgery, know Jesus, and know Jesus didn't need no brain surgery!' He then started rocking back and forth and quietly sung Queen songs. I'll never forget how he half sung-half mumbled ...

After its first week, I gave The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore a B+ grade. While I didn't think the show appeared to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I also liked the Daily Show  meets Politically Incorrect vibe I got from it, and thought, with the proper adjustments, the show would indeed provide a great fill-in for The Colbert Report . In the show's succeeding weeks, however, I've been less impressed by it and think that if it doesn't make certain adjustments, it could be in jeopardy of losing many long-time viewers of the show's time slot. One major issue I think the show's had to this point is a lack of direction. It's been unable to decide whether it wants to be a comedy show with serious conversation sprinkled in or a serious show with comedy sprinkled in. It's almost as if the show's writers want to give The Nightly Show a Real Time with Bill Maher feel. The problem with that idea or format is the fact Real Time is an hour lon...

It appears as though Sherwin-Williams employees have stormed out of theaters all across the country after discovering that the film Fifty Shades of Grey isn't a documentary about paint. When asked about this, Chairman and CEO of the company, Christopher M. Connor, said, "I saw part of the movie before I headed toward the exits. All I can say is that's one f**ked up shade of grey!" It has yet to be determined if the company will file lawsuits for false advertising, emotional stress, traumatic brain injury, and/or giving the color grey a bad name. If such lawsuits are filed, they'll likely request that the book and film be retitled as, Fifty Shades of F**ked Up .

When we make plans with people, does our interpretation of language with regard to time alter based on what part of the country we reside? Just yesterday, I, who am originally from Nebraska, was making tentative plans with someone, who has always lived in Ohio. She's back in school, has already reached the burnt-out stage, and said, "The Saturday after Thanksgiving (when finals are over), we're going out and getting plastered!" I laughed, and said, "Sure, sure. That sounds like fun," before thinking about what she just said and realizing I'll have family in town Thanksgiving weekend (Wednesday through Sunday), so I had to ask, "Wait, which Saturday is this? You said the Saturday after Thanksgiving, right? If it's THAT Saturday, I'll have family in town, so it might need to be the following weekend, if that's okay..." She chuckled and said, "Oh, that's right - you're a Nebraskan. I'm not talking about the ...

Like with the term "love," of which there are 27 definitions in the dictionary, there doesn't appear to be a universal definition of the word "sex." The dictionary defines the term as follows: "Sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse." Yet regardless of the definition, sex means different things to different people. According to the law, two people are said to have had sex if any penetration occurred. However, if this is to be taken literally, then women have sex with themselves all the time. For some, sex is any and everything that occurs below the belt for two people. But, while it's understandable to refer to as oral sex as a kind of sex, when a person asks another if he or she has had sex with another, they're solely inquiring about intercourse. Perhaps one's definition of sex comes down to two main factors: 1) Whether they're a black-and-white or shades-of-grey thinker on the subject and 2) How they def...

I'm not coy about my support for gay-marriage rights. I can also accept the fact some don't approve of homosexuals attaining equal marriage rights. However, I can't understand why some of these very people fight tooth and nail in an attempt to prevent gay couples from getting married, especially when they claim that gay couples getting married would "destroy the sanctity of marriage." Really? Whenever I hear or read this, I picture the following conversation between a teenager just returning from Bible Camp and her parents: Faith Jones (mother): "So, how was camp, sweetie?" Mary Jones (daughter): "It was okay." Billy Ray Jones (father): "Just okay?" Mary: "Yeah..." Billy Ray: "Is something wrong?" Mary: "Can I ask you guys something?" Faith: "You can ask us anything, sweetheart. What is it?" Mary: "Why can't gay people get married?" Faith: "Because, it would....

With there being the possibility that the Supreme Court could make gay marriage legal across this country, the gay marriage debate has been running more rampant than ever. Over the past few days, I've read through a number of these debates, which have typically included at least one person saying something along these lines - "I have no problem with gays, but I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. Why are the so-called tolerant liberals getting on my case about that? It's my opinion. As an American, I have that right. It makes me laugh that you all call me a bigot, yet you won't accept my opinion as is. Who's the bigot now?" What these very anti-gay marriage individuals seem to be missing is that most of us pro-gay marriage progressives aren't saying they don't have a right to their own opinion. If a person doesn't approve of homosexuality, while I may not agree with him/her, I'm not going to say he/she doesn't have a right to t...

Remember not too terribly long ago when restaurant chains such as Olive Garden were supposedly "experimenting" (threatening) with decreasing employees' work-hours so that they didn't meet the full-time worker criteria which would have then required the restaurants to provide these employees with health insurance via Obamacare? Those were the days, right? I'm really starting to wonder how many of these restaurant CEOs have even read the Cliff Notes version of Obamacare. Ralph Bower, president of the fast-food chain Popeyes, let his Obamacare fears be known recently, when he told The Huffington Post the following: "Our fear is that some of our employees that are full-time employees will cut back on their hours so that they won't be subject to [the mandate]. My understanding is that if you're working part-time, then you're not mandated to buy the insurance. ... If you're not a full-time employee, then you don't fall under the mandate....

Remember how so many Republicans complained about any kind of gun-control legislation, saying it would impede on their 2nd Amendment rights? I write this like it's from the distant past. It's from the distant past, recent past, present, and likely the future. I'm not a psychic, but feel more confident about that prediction than predicting it will rain in Seattle at some point in the next year. Oddly enough, I'm not hearing too many Republicans complain about a potential Nelson City, Georgia proposal which would make it mandatory for every homeowner to own a gun. With regard to the possible proposal, Nelson City Councilman Duane Cronic said: "When he's not here we rely on county sheriffs - however, it takes a while for them to get here... It's a deterrent ordinance. It tells the potential intruder you better think twice." I'm having trouble understanding this. It's wrong to strip away the choice for anyone, even felons, to purchase a firea...

There have been rumors and allegations that current Baltimore Ravens and future Hall-of-Fame linebacker Ray Lewis used deer-antler spray to heal more quickly from an injury. There have been mixed reports on whether or not the spray contains a substance which has been banned by the NFL.  I guess my question is this. Please keep in mind I'm not pro- nor anti-Baltimore Ravens (or Ray Lewis). Year in and year out around this time of year, the only things I really pull for with regard to the Super Bowl are great commercials and a great game. Okay, now, I completely understand why it should be illegal for players of any sport to use a list of banned substances which may give them an unfair advantage when they're actually playing. However, it doesn't make a great deal of sense to me for these substances to be illegal if these players are injured and simply trying to recover more quickly. I know people whom have been prescribed steroids, because the doctors believed it would qui...

So, to everyone's surprise, I'm sure - the voters think that President Obama can better relate to the average person than Mitt Romney, that he cares more about their needs. Due to these poll results, Romney said the following yesterday: "Don't forget -- I got everybody in my state insured. One hundred percent of the kids in our state had health insurance. I don't think there's anything that shows more empathy and care about the people of this country than that kind of record." Is this man trying to drive others and myself bonkers with regard to where he stands on healthcare reform? Seriously... Let's go through a chronological list pertaining to healthcare reform: 1) Romney signs Romneycare as Governor of Massachusetts 2) Obamacare, which is said to be nearly identical to Romneycare, passes 3) Upon receiving his party's nomination for president, Romney says his first order of business in the Oval Office would be to repeal Obamacare in it...

I was reading a review the other day and the critic graded an album with a "C+" or in numerical form - 6/12. Wouldn't 6 out of 12 warrant an average "C" grade? Wouldn't the breakdown be something like this? (out of 12) 6 = C 7 = C+ 8 = B- 9 = B 10 = B+ 11 = A- 12 = A/A+ Well, I must be going. I'm about to write a review and grade an album a perfect 5 out of 5 stars - in other words, a C grade.

I hate to come across as condescending and I honestly hate the thought of needing to explain this to people, but I've reached a point where I feel I must. I feel that approximately 78.43% of people don't know the difference between fact and opinion. That number I provided, for example - what was that? A fact? An opinion? Neither. It was complete and utter bull honky. I pulled it from an area that stinks even when the sun is shining. Let's allow Sir Webster to be our guide on this. First off, Sir Webster, what is an opinion? "o-pin-ion (uh-pin-yuhn) noun 1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. 2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal. 3. the formal expression of a professional judgment. 4. the format statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case. 5. a favorable estimate; esteem." Now, Sir Webster, what is a fact? "fact (fakt...

On Friday, Mitt Romney released his 2011 "effective tax rate," which was said to be at 14.1%. Yeah, you know it's been an awful week for the Romney campaign when they divert attention to the one area they tried to avoid said attention for so long - Romney's tax returns. At the end of the day, the released information led to more questions than answers and may wind up hurting the Romney campaign in the end, due to them bringing the story back up front and center. Republican strategist Alex Castellanos had this to say following this bit of news: "At first I thought this was an April Fool's Joke. But it isn't April. I can't imagine that David Axelrod will now say, I'm glad Mitt put this issue behind him. This will drag Mitt's taxes back into the debate. And there's not many days left. I just can't imagine why they would do this. There are 40 days left and you have now made more of them about Mitt's taxes....you don't serve ...

In light of a presidential election, I seriously wonder how many times it's been said that if the "other" candidate wins, a person may move to Canada. I heard this preceding the 2004 election, as well as the one in 2008 and am again hearing that same declaration this year in the run-up to November's election. With that in mind, I wonder how many people have actually followed through on the matter. I'm guessing the number is quite high for the people who have talked the talked, yet quite low on following through with what they said. I'll be awaiting scientific studies regarding the matter in the coming days. Why is it always Canada? Why not Mexico? Puerto Rico? Jamaica? Texas, if it becomes its own country? Why Canada? As I've only heard this when living in Nebraska and Ohio, perhaps it's different down in the south and instead of claiming they'll move to Canada if X candidate wins an election, they choose a warmer foreign country to inhabit....

A friend of mine recently told me that for whatever number of people a man or woman says they've slept with, you can multiply that by two or three to get a more accurate answer, due to one-night stands. Is this true? Are one night-stands that common? She has been known to get around as I found out not long ago and had lied to me about them all, so I'm not sure how credible a source she is. Is she actually being honest or attempting to make herself feel okay with her past decisions? As usual, I imagine the answer lies somewhere in the middle. I myself have never engaged in a one-night stand and never will. I've been offered several times, especially in recent months at bars, but have turned all 8 or so of them down. Perhaps that's why there's a rumor going around that I'm gay. So, what's the appeal? A person is illustrating the ultimate trust in a complete stranger by giving them their body for a night, not knowing where the other person has been, if they p...

An Actor in Life With the cameras focused on me, My voice suddenly alters, As my lines come forth, Possessing a new identity, My hair unlike what it’s been, My style completely different, Unrecognizable to family and friends, Feeling like an out-of-body experience, When the cameras are turned off, And I exit the set, I can set aside my character, And can again be myself, As I travel home, To see my wife and kids, I suddenly feel naked, Like something’s missing, When I tell my wife hello, She asks if something is wrong, That there are constant alterations in my voice, A look of confusion on my face, With the lines stuck in my head, I look into a mirror, Not recognizing myself, I go into a panic, I rush back to the set, Place on my outfit, Look into a mirror, And feel like myself once again.

Ignored Is My Love Opening up to you, Placing my heart in your grasp, Firmly implanted, Confident of your care and love, My feelings bottled up for so long, A weight is finally released, Slowly floating to the clouds, Feeling light again, Happiness comes upon me, Anxious to hear your response, With a bounce in my step, A sparkle in my eyes, Not having felt this way in so long, Being fearful of love, I long for your acceptance, Long for your love, Not a word is uttered, Not a sound is made, Unaware of my heart’s standing, As you quickly walk away, A sadness dawns upon me, Confusion runs rampant, Not knowing what to think, At the sound of silence, Ignored are my thoughts, Ignored are my feelings, Ignored is my heart, Ignored is my being, Ignored from your life, Pushed far away, Whether out of fear or being “nice,” I’m ignored all the same.