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What I learned in Week 5 of the NFL season

In Week 5 of the NFL season, I learned that...


- ...it takes Jayden Daniels 3 hours to watch '60 Minutes.'


- ..., once a week, Drake Maye and Josh Allen hold a candy bar up to the sky, just to say they saw the Milky Way.


- ...the only thing worse than watching the Jets try to move the football is watching the Browns try to move the football against the Jets.


- ..., in London, Nick Sirianni coaches like he's pissed up.


- ..., if Jim Harbaugh's team were an airport, they'd be LAC LAX.


- ...Mike Ditka joined Chris Farley and George Wendt in throwing beers at Da Bears in their embarrassing loss to the Packers.


- ...Dan Quinn will soon be facing the wrath of protests nationwide, orchestrated by PETH (People for the Ethical Treatment of Headsets).


- ...it's inevitable the San Francisco 49ers will be the focal point of Terry Gilliam's latest creation, "Monty Python and the Gold Rush." In it, the main character, representing the team, will have each of his limbs chopped off and contend, "'Tis but a scratch,' yet this time, somehow find a way to win the battle.


- ...Tua Tagovailoa being a 2nd-string quarterback is a dangerous situation for all, for it will likely be added to sobriety tests: "Can you step out of the vehicle? While closing your eyes and moonwalking, one foot behind the other, say, '#2 Tua' 175 times in rapid succession."


- ...Marvin Harrison, Jr.'s 2+ year scheme has finally panned out, as the former 4th-overall pick went from the lowly 1-4 Cardinals to the high-powered 1-4 Texans. Wait...

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