The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Enraged that the CNBC moderators from a recent debate inquired about mistakes, criticisms, and inconsistencies they've made in their pasts, the 14 Republican presidential hopefuls teamed up with the party's top lawyer, Ben Ginsberg, to provide several demands the moderators must abide in all subsequent debates. Each of the 14 candidates provided one demand a piece. Here is the official list of those very demands: George Pataki: "I demand to never again be asked gotcha questions about what my favorite smartphone app is." Bobby Jindal: "I demand we start each debate with a prayer to God that we can repeal the totalitarian life-saving Obamacare!" Rick Santorum: "I demand being allowed to sing hymns if we're ever approached with a question about gay stuff." Lindsey Graham: "I do demand that the male moderators not be too demanding, because it kind of turns me on." John Kasich: "I demand the moderators to keep asking tough q...

Any day now, I'm expecting Weird Al Yankovic to do a parody of the Lesley Gore song, "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To," based on the GOP's response to the CNBC debate, entitled, "It's My Debate and I'll Whine If I Want To." Not only did multiple Republican presidential candidates deflect moderators' detailed questions by criticizing the moderators' line of questioning, the party whined so much after the debate, Ben Ginsberg, the party's attorney, decided to write a draft of debate demands for TV networks hosting future debates. No, I'm not kidding. Even Megyn Kelly of the right-leaning Fox News mocked the debate demands, asking if the candidates wanted a foot massage as well. Here are a few of the demands: "Will you commit that you will not: - Ask the candidates to raise their hands to answer a question - Ask yes/no questions without time to provide a substantive answer - Have a 'lightning round'...