The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

No, nobody's perfect, but even when acknowledging that, there are times headlines prompt me to give my best dog impression, as my head tilts to the side and my ears suddenly perk. Such was the case today when I read this NBC News headline: "Prince's Remains Cremated, Private 'Beautiful' Ceremony Held." After reading the headline a couple times, I realized the message it was trying to convey. However, when first reading the headline, it came across as, "Prince Remains Cremated." When I asked a few other people about it, they thought the same thing when first reading the headline. Given this unintentionally ambiguous headline, expect NBC News to publish the following headlines in the future: - "Man's heart still not beating after a month in casket" - "Mayor's breath stoppage reaches 2,400 days" - "Poll shows 97% of people think musician will remain dead for at least another week" - "Elvis Presley sti...

Here's a fairly amusing new ad for Big Lots, entitled, "#StandUpMom - Stocktober": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4VzpQyOJRQ If you like the ad and feel a friend or family member would like it and perhaps be interested in shopping at a Big Lots, please spread the word. My new customized Big Lots slogan: "Big Lots - Hey, at least we're not Wal-Mart."

I never quite understood the term "hot" when describing another's level of physical attractiveness.  Dirk Dickler: "Check out that chick at 12 o'clock. Talk about hot!" Dexter Poindexter: "I don't know. She's just luke warm to me." Stevie Wander: "That girl is like the antithesis of hot. She's downright frigid!" Dirk: "Dude, that's cold." Stevie: "Exactly!"

Conservative Eliana Johnson of the National Review made some headlines recently with her "piece" entitled, "President Obama Commemorates the 'Senseless' Holocaust." On Holocaust Rememberance Day, the president said the following - "[Survivors who bore witness to] the horrors of the cattle cars, ghettos, and concentration camps have witnessed humanity at its very worst and know too well the pain of losing loved ones to senseless violence." Ms. Johnson took great issue with the president's words "senseless violence" when describing the Holocaust. Johnson went on to say the following in her "piece" - "Nazism may have been an ideology to which the United States was - and to which the president is - implacably opposed, but it is hardly 'senseless.' By the early 1930s, the Nazi party had hundreds of thousands of devoted members and repeatedly attracted a third of the votes in German elections; its political lea...

Appearing on the Bill Lumaye Show yesterday, one of Mitt Romney's kids - Tagg - had an interesting exchange with the host, which went as follows: Lumaye: "I'm going to ask something I think a lot of people want to know, or at least I do. What is it like for you to hear the President of the United States call your dad a liar? How do you react to that?" Tagg: "Jump out of your seat and you want to rush down to the debate stage and take a swing at him. But you know you can't do that because... Well, first there is a lot of Secret Service between you and him but also because this is the nature of the process." Now, while some in the media are presenting Tagg's comments as a joke, I'm not 100% sold on that. If he was merely kidding, then I'm not thinking he'll be looking for a job in stand-up anytime soon. Whether or not he was, I still feel that's quite a bizarre statement to make and completely uncalled for. It could result in some...

After watching Mitt Romney's Vice Presidential candidate, Paul Ryan's speech last night, I think it's only fitting that, from this point forward, I call him POS. Most people know what that typically stands for and I believe it's suitable in this case as well, but in addition to that, it will stand for Pinocchio On Steroids. At the rate he's going, he may be able to unknowingly pleasure a woman in the South Pole.

I wrote a poem a couple weeks back, entitled "Beat". Since then, it has generated the most hits and comments of any writing of mine. The comments have all been very positive and the poem was even declared the winner of a contest. What I've especially found fascinating are the different interpretations of the poem. As it was intended upon writing the piece, I did want to integrate ambiguity as I often times do, so I'm not at all surprised with the different interpretations. However, none of the interpretations have coincided with what my main vision was. The poem reads as follows: Beat Sheltered from this world, Protected from potential harm, Fearful of being released, Wanting to maintain its innocence, As it begins to mature, Innocence slowly fades, Longing for a sense of freedom, To make its own decisions, Finally out in the world, Released to the masses, Curiosity at its peak, Expanding with every experience, Handed to another, Trusting of thei...

So many words and phrases can be taken in several different ways. There's the: Literal, figurative, perverse, among other approaches of interpreting words or phrases. Cliché's are very ambiguous, I find. Have you ever known of someone whom only speaks in cliché's? They try sounding intelligent and end up sounding like a walking and talking cliché' whom is without any thoughts or ideas of their own? So, I find it especially humorous to illustrate a cliché’s ambiguity by turning it around unto the individual whom stated it. Here are just a few examples of ambiguous words and phrases that I'm sure we've all read or heard a time or two in our lives. I’ll then utilize the tool known as sarcasm to showcase the ambiguity which resides in all of the following words and phrases. That’s music to my ears - I know, we all have different musical tastes and as the saying goes, "to each their own”. But when I hear the phrase, "That's music to my ears,...

So many words and phrases can be taken in several different ways. There's the: Literal, figurative, perverse, among other approaches of interpreting words or phrases. Cliché's are very ambiguous, I find. Have you ever known of someone whom only speaks in cliché's? They try sounding intelligent and end up sounding like a walking and talking cliché' whom is without any thoughts or ideas of their own? So, I find it especially humorous to illustrate a cliché’s ambiguity by turning it around unto the individual whom stated it. Here are just a few examples of ambiguous words and phrases that I'm sure we've all read or heard a time or two in our lives. I’ll then utilize the tool known as sarcasm to showcase the ambiguity which resides in all of the following words and phrases. That’s music to my ears - I know, we all have different musical tastes and as the saying goes, "to each their own”. But when I hear the phrase, "That's music to my ears," I...

Sometimes it's difficult to interpret words we read on a screen. This can even happen when words are spoken, but is even more prevalent when read, I find. From experiences I've had and ones I've heard about, mood seems to dictate interpretation. While feelings may have been shared in an e-mail or an instant message, it can be like reading text from a character in a book. While the words may provoke emotion, where the feelings reside is within ourselves. There is no voice with the words that can be heard. If one is crying, we cannot hear and feel that. While one may type something like ::crying:: and that may be somewhat saddening to read, it does not carry with it the same empathetic impact as actually hearing or seeing a person cry. This is why I find the concept of cybersex to be so silly. How can someone actually get aroused through that? If someone messaged me with some dirty lingo, attempting to hit on me in cyberspace, I'm sure I'd bust out laughing. Dep...