The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

So, as most everyone not living in a cave has heard by now, GOP front-runner Donald Trump committed quite the faux pas at a speech in Buffalo on Monday night, when he said this: "I wrote this out, and it's very close to my heart. Because I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I've ever seen." Yes, Donald Trump mistook the 9/11 attacks for the convenience store 7-Eleven. Given that slip-up, expect the GOP front-runner to do similarly with regard to the following events: Event: Roe v. Wade Supreme Court ruling Trump: "I for one have never supported the Supreme Court's 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' ruling, and if I'm president, I'll do everything I can to overturn that highly not ethical decision." Event: Hurricane Katrina Trump: "It was a devastating, tremendously devastating storm - that Candy Cane Katrina; ...

Former Republican vice presidential candidate and lover of an Ayn Rand blow-up doll - Paul Ryan - made quite the comment on our healthcare system today. Here, I'll let him explain things himself. Paul, take it away... "We believe that this law is going to collapse under its own weight... This to us is something that we're not going to give up on, because we're not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people. We want to prevent this law, which we really do believe will do great damage to families and the health care system in America." This is merely the foreshadowing of Ryan's 2016 presidential campaign, which will be called, "Vague Details of Destruction," where Mr. Detailed himself will lay about specifics in a vague manner as only he can. These vague details of destruction will include the following sure-fire winning quotes from Mr. Ryan: - "We're not going to give up on destroying the health care s...