The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Like Indiana Governor Mike Pence for recently signing the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA), the owners of Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana is receiving their fair share of criticism as well due to their comments about not serving pizzas for same-sex couples' weddings. As one of the owners, Crystal O'Connor, told ABC 57, "We are a Christian establishment ... [and] definitely agree with the bill." Humorously enough, Ms. O'Connor also added this gem: "We're not discriminating against anyone. That's just our belief and anyone has the right to believe in anything. [Also, I don't think the bill is] targeting gays. I don't think it's discrimination. It's supposed to help people that have a religious belief." Allow me to go to the trustworthy dictionary for a moment here. The term "discrimination" is defined as the "treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor or against, a person or...

It's a growing trend, unfortunately. With gay marriage being legalized in an increasing number of states, so too have "religious freedom" laws as a counter move by the far-right. These laws make it legal for companies to not offer service to those they feel are not in line with biblical teachings - namely, the LGBT community. They say forcing them to offer their services to homosexuals or gay couples is an affront to their religious freedom to believe what they want as Christians. But, as the saying goes, let's not beat around the bush, and just call these bills what they are. They're not "religious freedom" bills; they're "freedom to discriminate" bills.  These bills are bass ackwards in multiple ways. First off, there's a distinct difference between one's personal life and their professional life. These "Christians" can believe whatever they so choose. They can go to church on Sundays, can read the Bible every day bef...

In January, former Minnesota Vikings punter and LGBT rights activist Chris Kluwe published an article on Deadspin  where he made the claim that special teams coach Mike Priefer one time told him, "We should round up all the gays, send them to an island, and then nuke it until it glows." This led to the Vikings launching an independent investigation, with the summary of the results being released this past Friday. The report concluded that Priefer did indeed make the comment about nuking gays, and he has since been suspended for the first three games of the season. The team also plans on donating $100,000 to an LGBT organization. Humorously enough, the team's lawyers said that even though Priefer made the nuke-the-gays comment, he has otherwise been very respectful of the LGBT community, saying that, "...other than Kluwe's allegations, there is no support in the record of Priefer made any additional statements of this nature." Let's review the comme...

Fox News contributor Todd Starnes wasn't the happiest guy in the world when the Grammy's hosted a mass wedding, which included gay couples. In reaction to this, he tweeted the following message: "I've never seen such a display of intolerance, bigotry and hatred. #Grammys #antichristian" I'm sorry, but that has to be one of the most unintentionally funny tweets I've ever read. The Grammy's celebrated love by hosting this mass wedding, regardless of race, creed, or orientation. In other words, it was the epitome of tolerance, open-mindedness, and love - the antithesis of what Todd Starnes claimed. Either Todd Starnes is a complete idiot or the guy is celebrating opposite day. I'm going to guess the former over the latter. While Starnes is at it, if a bill gets passed which would result in women getting paid equally as men for equal work, he might as well just tweet, "I've never seen such a display of sexism #antiman #antipenis....

I often times wonder what Bible far-right Republicans, especially Tea Partiers, are reading. Many claim to be devout Christians - worshipers of Christ. However, when hearing them speak and seeing what actions they've taken while in office, these words and actions don't really jive with the central character in the Bible and the man they supposedly worship - Jesus. From speaking out against homosexuals to trying to provide the rich benefits while taking away from the poor to treating guns like gods to going to war with smiles on their faces, it puzzles me to no end how these very people can adamantly declare that they are followers of Christ. Whatever Bible they've read, this appears to be how it came across to them: Setting: On a bench in downtown San Francisco, since the Jewish Jesus was apparently born in the United States Peter: "Can you believe those guys?" Paul: "I know - can't they at least wait until they get home to do that crap?" Jes...

Homosexuality is already punishable by law in the gulf nations of: Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Bahrain, and Oman - also referred to as the GCC [Gulf Cooperation Council] countries. Well, these countries are going to try and go one step further and discuss a proposal on November 11th on possibly conducting tests to detect gays and bar them from entering any of the GCC countries. Peter Tatchell, British activist and directer of the Peter Tatchell Foundation, said the following on the matter: "There is no known medical test to detect homosexuality. I wonder what quackery the Kuwaiti authorities plan to invent in their vain attempt to identify gay men. It simply won't work..." Those are my thoughts exactly. My guess is these gulf nation-authorities will determine a man is gay through the following tests: - If, without shoes on, he's shorter than 5'5'' - If, when asked about his favorite sport, he says, "The one with th...

How I wish media personalities would get heavily fined for lying. Rush Limbaugh would have been out of a job years ago, as would most of the Fox News personalities. Glenn Beck and Alex Jones would be in insane asylums, because no matter how many times they'd get told to pay their fines for lying on the air, they'd adamantly defend their points as truthful, which could only lead them to the loony bin. That brings me to Bradlee Dean and Jake McMillan - hosts of the Christian radio show Sons of Liberty Radio . They'd get heavily fined for the lie they just recently told. On their show this past week, the insane duo made the claim that homosexuals are responsible for half of the murders in big US cities. McMillan specifically said: "...half of the murders in large cities were committed by homosexuals; thirty-three percent of child abuse cases were committed by homosexuals; half of the foster children molestations were done by homosexuals." He followed that up by...

While it appears that numbers are moving in the right direction, a new Pew Research poll shows that 36% of the U.S. population still feels that one's sexual orientation can be changed, while 51% does not. The numbers were 39 and 49 percent in a similar poll taken in 2006, and 42 and 42 percent in a 2003 poll. I guess I have one question for 36% of the country, whom I'm guessing are heterosexual. ::clears throat:: For the 36% of heterosexuals whom feel sexual orientation can be changed, do you think someone could turn you gay? ::waits for them all to pause before saying no:: Alright, thanks for playing. Feel free to join me again on the next episode of  Answering a Poll Question Before Thinking About It . See you soon. http://www.pewforum.org/2012/07/31/two-thirds-of-democrats-now-support-gay-marriage-long-term-views-gay-marriage-adoption/#views-homosexuality

I'm not sure why I just thought of this, but there seems to be a growing number of people whom will say the following when asked what their feelings are toward homosexuality: "Yeah, I think people are born that way, but I still think they shouldn't do it, you know?" These are typically members of the conservative evangelical movement whom now know someone that is openly gay. Now when hearing or reading a person utter such words, I'd have to respond in the following manner: Me: "So, you're saying people are born gay?" Them: "Yup" Me: "Yet they still shouldn't engage in any form of physical/sexual intimacy with people they're innately attracted to sexually?" Them: "Nope" Me: "Were you born the way you are? Meaning, have you always been sexually attracted to the opposite sex?" Them: "Yup" Me: "Would it be right of me and logically consistent from your vantage point to then...

When speaking about pictures of gay couples posted on Facebook, televangelist Pat Robertson said the following on The 700 Club : "What you're saying is, 'Yes, I like this kind of thing.' You've got a couple of same-sex guys kissing. You 'Like' that. Well, that makes me want to throw up. To me, I would punch 'Vomit,' not "Like' ... They don't give you that option on Facebook." Huh, that's funny. That's the exact reaction I have whenever Robertson opens his mouth... http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2013/07/08/2266641/pat-robertson-facebook-needs-a-vomit-button-for-pictures-of-gay-people/

After the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) ruled to allow openly gay scouts, televangelist Pat Robertson had some interesting choice words about the decision. On his show, The 700 Club , Robertson responded to the BSA's decision with this: "It breaks your heart to see the Boy Scouts...torn up in order to accommodate a few kids that want to do sex with each other." Yes, Robertson is known as a natural poet in most corners of the world. When asked by the pastor of his wedding, "Do you...," Robertson likely responded with, "Do I what? Do the sex?" Robertson likely got into trouble at school for writing a dirty short story in English class, one that contained numerous grammatical errors. The title of the story was probably something along the lines of, "We Did The Sex." Perhaps Robertson's next venture should be to open an adult store by the name of "Doing Sex As God Intended." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/11/boy-sco...

Remember when Florida Senator Marco Rubio was seen as the politician to watch out for on the Republican side of the aisle? Then he had his dry mouth and water bottle moment when rebutting President Obama's State of the Union Address. Today, he appears to be becoming progressively (or would it be regressively) more of a far-right Tea Party type on an almost daily basis. This has especially been the case with gay rights. When it came to marriage equality, Rubio said the following: "I respect people who disagree with me on certain things, but that means they have to respect me too. Just because I believe states should have the right to define marriage in a traditional way does not make me a bigot. Just because we believe that life, all human life, all life, all human life is worthy of protection in every stage of its development doesn't make you a chauvinist. In fact, the people who are actually close minded in American politics are people who love to preach about the cer...

I'm not coy about my support for gay-marriage rights. I can also accept the fact some don't approve of homosexuals attaining equal marriage rights. However, I can't understand why some of these very people fight tooth and nail in an attempt to prevent gay couples from getting married, especially when they claim that gay couples getting married would "destroy the sanctity of marriage." Really? Whenever I hear or read this, I picture the following conversation between a teenager just returning from Bible Camp and her parents: Faith Jones (mother): "So, how was camp, sweetie?" Mary Jones (daughter): "It was okay." Billy Ray Jones (father): "Just okay?" Mary: "Yeah..." Billy Ray: "Is something wrong?" Mary: "Can I ask you guys something?" Faith: "You can ask us anything, sweetheart. What is it?" Mary: "Why can't gay people get married?" Faith: "Because, it would....

Far-right die-hards in the media seem to be obsessed with the end of the world. Perhaps it's because they're somewhat suicidal, yet feel they won't go to heaven if they commit such an act, so they hope someone either ends the world so they rise up to heaven or Jesus comes again and takes them away from this God-awful place (how I never understood that phrase...). Perhaps they're tripping acid quite regularly and as a result, are more coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs than Hugh Hefner is disease-ridden and horny. There are a number of possibilities. The reason I bring this up is due to what Fox News contributors Todd Starnes and Erick Erickson had to say recently regarding the Supreme Court's pending gay-marriage rights decision. When speaking on American Family Radio, Starnes said the following: "You know, it's as if we're second-class citizens now (Christians) because we support the traditional, Biblical definition of marriage, or perhaps we are pro-life, an...

In light of Ohio Senator Rob Portman standing up for gay-marriage rights, many other Republicans in Congress have been approached about the issue. House Speaker John Boehner was one such individual. On ABC's This Week , Boehner engaged in the following back-and-forth with host Martha Raddatz: Raddatz: "Can you imagine yourself in a situation where you reversed your decision as Portman has on gay marriage if a child of yours or someone you love told you they were gay?" Boehner: "Listen, I believe marriage is a union between one man and one woman. It's what I grew up with, it's what I believe, it's what my church teaches me and I can't imagine that position would ever change." What Boehner and other Congressional Republicans need to learn is unless their party changes positions with regard to social and economic issues, their position isn't going to change on election day - the position of loser. http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2013/03/...

So, I just read that according to the pastor of the Cowboy Church of Virginia - Raymond Bell - stroking horses can "cure" people of their homosexuality.  Yes, this is why while riding on and stroking their horses in "Brokeback Mountain," Jake Gy llenhaal and Heath Ledger constantly gave each other the classic "why-can't-I-quit-you" look. It's rumored that Mr. Bell also believes the following: That walking dogs can cure one of cancer, that swimming with dolphins can rid one of herpes, and that doing a duet with a T-Rex can bring about world peace. Scientists now firmly believe that speaking to the pastor of the Cowboy Church of Virginia will diminish one's intelligence. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/29/raymond-bell-cowboy-church-of-virginia-horses-gay_n_2381028.html

In a new CNN poll, 53% of Americans - including 22% of Republicans - feel that the Republican Party is too extreme. The Democratic Party, meanwhile, is believed to be "generally mainstream" by 57% of Americans. It can't be a good thing when nearly a quarter of a party feel their party is too extreme. This is what I've been saying all along, though. The biggest reason why I find it to be so much easier to write satire at the expense of the Republican Party than the Democratic Party - and I'm sure this plays a large factor with the likes of Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Saturday Night Live , and company - is because of how extreme they've become. The Democratic Party looks more and more to me like the Republican Party from the 1970s, whereas the Republican Party has come across like a hybrid of a crazy drunk uncle and Jim Jones. If the party genuinely wants to be seen as less extreme, they'll make it their mission to eventually cross off "moderate Rep...

Many media pundits and talking heads like to talk about how divided we are as a nation. They tend to classify the divisions as: Liberal vs. conservative, Republican vs. Democrat, red vs. blue, urban vs. rural, but I see the division in a different manner and feel it's become more evident every four years - that's old vs. new. When looking at the exit polls from last week's election, with what demographics did Republican candidate Mitt Romney succeed? The old and the white - men, in particular, along with evangelicals. Where did President Obama succeed? With young voters, minorities, and women.  The country is becoming more diverse by the year, not only with regard to race, but also with regard to people in power - women and minorities now standing alongside white males with growing numbers. Each and every new generation of voters appears to be more liberal than the last, largely due to social issues - gay rights, in particular. Women and minorities are voting in larg...

The conservative evangelical group American Family Association is at it again - "it" meaning being completely nuts. Yes, they are speaking out against a school program called "Mix It Up at Lunch Day" and asking parents to boycott it by keeping their children home from school that day - October 30th. This is the 11th year that this day has taken place. It was started by the Southern Poverty Law Center 11 years ago, with the intent being to break kids from their social cliques for lunch that afternoon - to sit and talk to someone or a group of kids they normally wouldn't to hopefully decrease the level of bullying that was taking place. I know - this sounds like a very controversial event, doesn't it? According to the American Family Association, it is. The AFA sees far beyond what I'm seeing as the actual intent of "Mix It Up at Lunch Day," for according to them, it's about "a nationwide push to promote homosexual lifestyle in publi...

In an article recently released by Boston Spirit , one David Wilson shed some light on Mitt Romney's thoughts, feelings and interactions with the gay community. As Massachusetts Governor in 2004, Romney spoke out in favor of banning same-sex marriage in the state, going so far as endorsing a constitutional amendment which would do just that. In interacting with then Governor Romney and attempting to plead his case against the amendment, Wilson reflected on the experience, saying, "It was like talking to a robot. No expression, no feeling. People were sharing touching stories, stories where you'd expect recognition in the other person's face that they at least hear what you're saying -- that there's empathy. He didn't even shake his head. He was completely blank." According to Wilson, Romney did utter a few words, as he said, "I didn't know you had families." The lead plaintiff in the case - Julie Goodridge - was concerned about wh...