The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

It was 2015 and the Democratic Party seemed all but certain to nominate Hillary Clinton as its representative for the 2016 presidential election. The event seemed so inevitable, only a handful of Democrats stepped forward to run for the highest office in the land, in stark contrast to the 17 Republicans whom were doing the same. Former Secretary of State Clinton was riding high in all the Democratic primary polls, that was until progressive stalwart Bernie Sanders started making some noise. His rise in the polls surprised many and made Secretary Clinton's journey to the Democratic nomination anything but an easy one. By the time Clinton was nominated, a divide was lodged inside the Democratic Party's establishment and progressive wings, between ardent Clinton backers and "Bernie Bros," as they were (are still) called. While most Sanders supporters went on to vote for Hillary Clinton in the general election, some admittedly either voted 3rd party, didn't vote, or v...

Truth be told, I'm a sports nut and an over-analyzer. Even so, I still find it ridiculous to be debating the never-possible match-up of the 2015-2016 Golden State Warriors and the 1995-1996 Chicago Bulls.  In the '95-'96 NBA season, the Chicago Bulls set a league record by going 72-10 during the course of the regular season. Many players, coaches, and analysts alike thought the record would never be broken. If the Golden State Warriors win at home tomorrow night against the Memphis Grizzlies, they will do just that and finish the season 73-9. So what is every NBA analyst under the sun discussing? Who would win in a 7-game series between the two teams. I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. It would have been one thing if the two teams had broken the league's regular season win record in back-to-back seasons, but it's quite another for the record-setting teams to be separated by two decades. The game is much different in 2016 than it was in 1996. In '96 teams ...

While I'm anything but a fan of Fox News and feel Thursday night's GOP debate was anything but perfectly moderated, I do have to give moderators Megyn Kelly and Chris Wallace kudos for some of their questioning. Not only did they provide visual evidence of candidates flip-flopping on particular issues and provide numbers to disprove candidates' math, but they ended the debate with the question of the night, asking all four candidates if they'd be supportive of the Republican nominee no matter who the candidate was, even if it happened to be Donald Trump. Ironically enough, with that question, the conservative-leaning Fox News network may have all but guaranteed a loss for the Republican Party in November if Donald Trump is the eventual nominee. For roughly 75% of their airtime, hopeful contenders Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio followed in Mitt Romney's footsteps and blasted Donald Trump, calling the businessman a "fraud," a "phony," a "bully,...

It's quite ironic that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is running to become president in 2017 yet seems to be unwilling to answer questions about the future. Yes, 2017 is in the future. When speaking with ABC News and being asked how he'd respond to the Syrian refugee situation if he were the president, Walker responded with this: "I'm not president today and I can't be president today. Everybody wants to talk about hypotheticals; there is no such thing as a hypothetical." I'm sorry to disappoint Mr. Walker, but these questions kind of come with the territory of running for the highest office in the land. Yes, he'll be asked about previous comments he's made, his voting record, bills he's passed and vetoed, how he differs from the 432 other GOP candidates, and perhaps a few times when he's been caught flip-flopping. However, like all the other candidates, he's going to be asked about what he'd do if he became president - you k...

After reading several articles pertaining to the recent non-indictments of police officers whom killed unarmed black men, I was struck by a theme I observed in the comments section below the articles. This theme was, "The cops would have done the same thing if the person was white." Resorting to the hypothetical as a means for rationale is absurd on just about every level. First off, we're comparing a real-life event with an imagined one. Real-life event: "An unarmed black man was killed by a police officer." Imagined event: "If the unarmed man had been white, he would have been killed by the police officer as well." Try using that rationale in court sometime and see how far back the judge rolls his or her eyes. I just hope the judge's name isn't Linda Blair. Secondly, and more importantly, studies show that these commentators are likely wrong from a numbers standpoint as well. According to a ProPublica analysis, young black mal...

The World Series between the San Francisco Giants and the Kansas City Royals is officially underway. In light of this, apparently two San Francisco radio stations (KFOG Radio and 96.5 KOIT) have decided to ban Lorde's "Royals" song until the World Series is over. Personally, I think this is kind of a silly move, but, eh, whatever. Well, based on this story, here's a list of what the city of San Francisco would likely do if the Giants faced one of the other fourteen American League teams. Baltimore Orioles - Oreos will not be sold because they sound too much like Orioles. Boston Red Sox - Anyone wearing a red stocking on their head will be banned, including Santa Claus. Chicago White Sox - No one will be allowed to wear socks. If they wear socks with flip-flops, they'll be permanently barred from the city. Cleveland Indians - IDs will be checked at the gate and for anyone with the first name of Christopher or the last name of Columbus, they'll be asked ...

Ever since President Obama was elected in November of 2008, the Republican Party's main goal has appeared to be making him a failure, or to at least appear that way in the eyes of the public. When he was elected to serve his first term as president, the GOP's main goal was to make certain he was just a one-term president. After he was elected to serve a second term, the GOP then decided it was their goal to make sure a Democrat didn't win the 2016 presidential election. For going on six years, the Republican Party has appeared to reside in a world known as Oppositeobamaland. Wherever the president has stood on an issue, without even hearing what he has to say, high ranking members of the GOP have said, "Yeah, whatever he said, we're against that! Oh, he's against it? Well, then we're for it!" When hearing the GOP constantly dispute the president on any and everything political, I've often times wondered if they'd react similarly to non-politica...

I've never been one to club. I enjoy going to bars with friends or family, joking around, listening to good music, people-watching, and pretending we're on the show Mystery Science Theater 3000  as we make up stories about these very people. However, while I have no problem talking to random people at bars and introducing myself by sticking out my right hand out, saying, "I'm Craig," and shaking the person's hand, I've never been too fond of being introduced to someone by them rubbing themselves up against me without even telling me their name. Maybe I'm strange like that, but as my mama always said, "When speaking to a lady for the first time, make sure you're respectful to her. Don't go rubbing your junk all over her in hopes that your territory is marked and she'll only talk to you the rest of the night. This is especially the case if you got that herpes thing that's been going around." Alright, so my mother never said that...

What if other workers treated their jobs like Tea Partiers do? (on pages 11-12 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" ) It seems that politicians affiliated with the Tea Party think the government is evil, aren't coy about saying this, and do everything in their power to shut down the government. I've always found this to be a tad odd. First off, why would someone seek a position with a group he or she didn't believe in? Secondly, if this person was hired, why would he or she do everything in their power to shut it down? Can you imagine people in other professions holding a similar philosophy? If these individuals were to earn their jobs through a vote, I imagine their ads would go as follows: Position: Teacher "I'm going to be frank - I don't believe in public education. I never did, as a matter of fact. It's actually my goal to get education abolished entirely. We s...

One of the most controversial aspects of the stand-your-ground laws (I'm talking to you, Florida...) is the fact it can give one an excuse to kill a person and then claim self-defense. In this type of scenario, the deceased individual is left with no opportunity to tell their side of the story, and with no other witnesses, it becomes the word of the living killer against that of the deceased victim. This is why it appears the shooter is more prone to being punished if his or her targets survived the shots than if one of them was killed. Michael Dunn is the most recent example of this. He shot three African-American teenagers in their car at a gas station and wound up killing one of them. While he's been found guilty with attempted murder of the two kids whom survived, it couldn't be determined one way or the other whether or not he killed the one kid in an act of self-defense. Not to make light of the Michael Dunn tragedy or others like it, but to depict just how ridiculo...

Anymore, it has seemed as though Hollywood tough guys Jason Statham and Liam Neeson have been typecast as just that. I have trouble envisioning them in a comedy, let alone a romantic comedy. If one of them did star in such a film, however, I have to imagine it'd go by one of the following titles: Valentine's Day Massacre The Gun Shop Around the Corner Shootin' and Bangin in the Rain The Deadly Notebook How to Kill a Guy and Make a Woman Fall in Love With You in 10 Seconds (500) Days Of Making Love and Kicking As* Seven Beauties Wanting a Beast Punching Your Wedding Planner A Wedding and Four Funerals Fight Club

At the 2013 Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C., recently hired Fox News contributor and neurosurgeon voted "most likely to be crazy in the head" - Ben Carson, had this to say about the new healthcare reform law: "You know Obamacare is really I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. And it is in a way, it is slavery in a way, because it is making all of us subservient to the government, and it was never about health care. It was about control." Perhaps Dr. Carson should go to New York City and ask every citizen there, "So what do you think was the worst thing to happen in this nation since slavery - the 9/11 attacks when the Twin Towers were struck by terrorists and 3,000 people died as as result, or Obamacare which is trying to make healthcare access more affordable for more people?" My guess is Carson would only be able to ask a handful of people this question before he either got punched in the face or chased bac...

If my relationship ultimately doesn't work out, I may try to start a new trend and date either a straight guy or a lesbian. We seem to understand one another more than people I'm attracted to - heterosexual women. We could just chill, watch football, drink beer (a Jack and Coke for me), listen to rock music, and not ever worry about sex, because there wouldn't be any - between us anyway. Of course, if those cravings arose, we'd have to go elsewhere and that could complicate matters. Him: "Dude, I'm doing somebody." Me: "Yeah, I know." Him: "I think I'm in love." Me: "Crap. So, where's this leave us?" Him: "Where we've always been - best friends, except I'm going to move in with her." Me: "::sighs:: I knew this would happen. Aren't I good enough for you?" Him: "Well, aren't you doing somebody too?" Me: "No" Him: "Are you gay or something?...

So, George Zimmerman's defense attorney - Mark O'Mara - has come forward after the jury ruled that his client was not guilty and said that if his client had been black, he wouldn't have been charged with a crime. Is that supposed to be some kind of a sick joke? In a country where the majority is white and there's a history of racism, especially against blacks, O'Mara firmly believes if his client had been black, he wouldn't have been charged with any crime? A study was just released by the American Civil Liberties Union, which along with many other such studies, which begs to differ with Mr. O'Mara's claim. While marijuana rates are roughly equal among whites and blacks, blacks are being arrested at much greater rate than whites for marijuana-related offenses. As the report states: "In 2010, the black arrest rate for marijuana possession was 716 per 100,000, while the white arrest rate was 192 per 100,000. Stated another way, a black person ...

Is it just me or are smartphones too touchy? What I mean by that is, how often do you not remember pressing any button on the phone, yet find a way to have clicked on an application, gone online, or made a phone call without your knowledge? With my old phone (when I say old, I mean almost ancient), I could have left it in my pocket, dropped it several times, pressed a number of buttons, yet nothing would have happened. With my new smartphone, I'll check it every few days and see that I accidentally called someone I hadn't spoken to for many years while my phone rested in my pocket. Well, I thought it was resting. Apparently, it had other ideas. One of these days, my uber-touchy smartphone will likely get me into trouble. While watching a movie with my girlfriend at her place, I'll receive a strange call from an ex I hadn't spoken to for a couple years. She'll then leave a message which says, "So, I saw that you called yesterday and..." Yeah, that's g...

I read another fairly pointless sports article the other day, courtesy of ESPN.com. This one was written by one Dan Graziano. The article was entitled, "Can Matt Barkley get into Eagles' QB race?" Here's how the article begins: "The Philadelphia Eagles announced that fourth-round pick Matt Barkley has signed his contract, which is not really news, since everybody knows all the draft picks will eventually sign and it's not as though they can sign anywhere else..." That's the perfect way to start an article - "X happened, which isn't really news, since it was inevitable it would happen anyway..." Graziano should have stopped there, but he didn't do that, unfortunately. He continued his "piece" by saying this: "...But it gives us a reason to bring up Barkley and discuss the extent to which he will or could factor into the Eagles' quarterback picture for 2013." Hadn't this already been discussed? ...

I'll be the first to admit I'm an over-analyzer. I rarely think in black-and-white terms, so even when someone asks me a basic yes or no question, I hesitate before answering, and typically wind up giving an essay in response to the question. Yes, to say I couldn't stand true/false tests in school would be like to say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, if on that other side of that fence was a marijuana field. Hypothetical questions, on the other hand, can be interesting. They can provide for some intriguing back-and-forth conversations, which can open people up to a new side of another person. When the hypothetical scenario is more loopy than a Terry Gilliam-meets-David Lynch film, such discussions can be quite entertaining as well. However, even though I often times find hypothetical questions and discussions interesting, I have a difficult time understanding the impossible-to-answer question when a person presents a hypothetical scenario after the f...

Following Alabama's dominating 42-14 victory over Notre Dame last night to win their 3rd national championship in the past 4 seasons, many of my Nebraska friends started making comments on Facebook stating that the Nebraska teams that won three titles in a four year span in the '90s were superior to the Alabama teams from these past four years. I find these comparisons to be silly. There's absolutely no possible way we'll ever know who would win between two teams from two different decades. It's impossible. We can look at as many numbers as we'd like; we'll never know who would win if the two teams faced one another when they were at their best. We can compare two teams as far as their dominance goes for a season. However, even then, it'll be difficult to compare the two teams, because once again, they played in different times, against different kinds of competition. Nebraska was dominant in the mid-90s. They were a great football team, however do I t...

While last night's Big East game between Louisville and Rutgers wasn't actually a conference title game, it played like one - for the winner of the game would in all likelihood represent the conference in a BCS game. Going into the game, neither team was ranked. This will be the start of a trend for such games this weekend, unfortunately. Tonight, we have more quality conference title games than we have all of tomorrow. How many games are being played tonight? Two. In the MAC title game, 21st ranked Northern Illinois will take on 17th ranked Kent State. In the Pac-12, we'll see 16th ranked UCLA face 8th ranked Stanford - yes, for the second time in two weeks. How lame is that? Especially if you're Stanford, having beaten the Bruins 35-17 just a week prior? That brings us to Saturday, where four more conference championships will be played - including: Conference USA: Central Florida vs. Tulsa (neither team is ranked) ACC: #16 Florida State vs. Georgia Tech (the ...

I don't think I'm alone in saying I'm growing tired of the SEC in college football. It seems that most every year, the conference appears to get over-hyped in the pre-season, yet finds a way to get a team to the national championship - winning the past six. Last year was the worst-case scenario, as the national championship game was between two SEC teams that had already played in the regular season. LSU won the regular-season match-up, the SEC Championship, and then was paired with a team they had already beaten, who didn't even qualify for the conference title game in Alabama. As seems to be typical, the loser of the first game won the rematch, and Alabama did just that en route to being crowned champs one again. Before last Saturday, it appeared as if no SEC team would find its name listed in the BCS title game. With Kansas State ranked #1, Oregon #2, and Notre Dame #3, two of the three teams would need to fall for an SEC team to have a legitimate chance of winni...