The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

My latest Substack article, titled, "Drumpf Takes 'Dead Man Walking' Literally," can be found here. -  https://craigrozniecki.substack.com/p/drumpf-takes-dead-man-walking-literally

As most people know, Indiana and basketball go together like Jared Fogle and Bill Cosby. Texas Senator Ted Cruz tried winning over residents of the Hoosier state by recreating a scene from the classic film by the same name ( Hoosiers ), but failed miserably. During his speech, Cruz said, "You know, the amazing thing is that basketball ring here in Indiana, it's the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in the country." That's right, Ted Cruz referred to a basketball hoop as a basketball ring. Going by that line of thinking, the Texas senator once gave his wife a wedding hoop. Given his obvious vast knowledge of sports, expect him to utter the following lines in the future: - "I love baseball, especially the over-the-wall ball. It's amazing how far those guys can hit those things!" - "When the Patriots kicker kicked the ball through those giant yellow chopsticks to win the game, that was awesome!" - "Why don...

Due to his "7-11 attacks" gaffe, Donald Trump was trending on Twitter yesterday (#7Eleven), so of course I to join the fun. Here are my tweets regarding the matter, ordered from the most to least popular (all my tweets can be read here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) Trump: "Sarah Palin could very well be my running mate, b/c I mean, like, she can see a 7-Eleven from her house, so that's pretty special." #7Eleven 36 Likes, 11 Retweets 2) Trump: "Not all terrorists are 7-11 masterminds, but all 7-11 masterminds are terrorists. Period. Exclamation point. Big Gulp." #7Eleven 29 Likes, 16 Retweets 3) Trump: "I have mixed feelings about 711. It's awful about the attacks, but if I add 6 zeros, that's how much my dad loaned me." #7Eleven 31 Likes, 11 Retweets 3) Trump: "Every year on July 11th I go to a nearby convenience store, you know, 9-Eleven. Great place. Tremendous. Unbelievable." #7Eleven 32 Likes,...

In the wake of severe flood damage for Wayne, Oakland, and Macomb counties, Michigan Governor Rick Snyder issued a state of declaration of disaster on Wednesday, where he made the following comments: "The flooding that continues to impact Southeastern Michigan is a disaster in every sense of the word. As local and state authorities work around the clock to deal with this situation. It is clear that the significant personal property and infrastructure damage, coupled with ongoing threats to public safety, warrants the state declaration. By taking this action, the state can fully coordinate and maximize efforts to support its local partners. I'm proud of our communities and residents throughout the region for pulling together in the face of these challenges. Please remember that safety must be our top priority, so I encourage everyone to exercise great caution as the cleanup continues." Mark Shauer, the Democratic candidate for governor, then made the following respon...

The GOP's "outreach" for the women's vote is getting to the point where they've dug themselves such a hole, some people have walked by and mistaken it for the Grand Canyon (yes, these people may have been drunk, but still...). The latest GOP gaffe with regard to the War on Women comes courtesy of Shaun Nowacki - comptroller for Blakemore & Associates - who registered a PAC with the Texas Ethics Commission earlier this month. What is the name of this PAC? The Boats 'N Hoes PAC. No, that's not a joke. While it has been reported that this PAC will be dissolved today, that still doesn't detract from the fact that it existed and is just another in a stunningly long line of GOP blunders with regard to women. Given this PAC's name and the GOP's vile history when it comes to women's rights, here are the names of some other likely future GOP PACs: - Bitc*es 'N Hoes - Birth Control Sluts - Trampy McTrampington - Make Me a Sandwich...

Former Republican vice presidential candidate and lover of an Ayn Rand blow-up doll - Paul Ryan - made quite the comment on our healthcare system today. Here, I'll let him explain things himself. Paul, take it away... "We believe that this law is going to collapse under its own weight... This to us is something that we're not going to give up on, because we're not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people. We want to prevent this law, which we really do believe will do great damage to families and the health care system in America." This is merely the foreshadowing of Ryan's 2016 presidential campaign, which will be called, "Vague Details of Destruction," where Mr. Detailed himself will lay about specifics in a vague manner as only he can. These vague details of destruction will include the following sure-fire winning quotes from Mr. Ryan: - "We're not going to give up on destroying the health care s...

During the final presidential debate, Republican nominee Mitt Romney made quite the gaffe, making some wonder if he had ever looked at a globe or even knew what one was. During the debate, Romney said with regard to Syria and Iran's relationship, "Syria is Iran's only ally in the Arab world. It's their route to the sea." I'll give you a moment to look at a map or globe. Take your time. I'll play a short tune while you look. If Mitt Romney is reading this, I'll place "Stairway to Heaven" on repeat for a while. Okay, everyone not named Mitt Romney, have you found it? Good. Moving on... No, I'm not sure what Mitt Romney was talking about either. First off, there are two countries between Iran and Syria - those being Iraq and Turkey. Secondly, as Glenn Kessler - fact-checker at The Washington Post  wrote, "...Iran has about 1,500 miles of coastline along the Persian Gulf and Gulf of Oman, leading to the Arabian Sea." The o...

As much as I like the guy, Vice President Joe Biden makes more gaffes than I wash my hands and for the record, I'm a little anal-retentive about that. During a speech in Charlotte, North Carolina yesterday, Biden said the following: "This is deadly earnest. How they (Romney/Ryan) can justify...raising taxes on the middle class that has been buried the last four years? How in the Lord's name can they justify raising their taxes and these tax cuts? We've seen this movie before - massive tax cuts for the wealthy, eliminating restrictions on Wall Street, let the banks write their own rules. We know where it ends. It ends in the catastrophe of the middle class and the Great Recession of 2008. Folks, we cannot go back to that. The president and I have a different way forward." Of course, the only words Romney, Ryan and other Republicans are focusing they're attention on are "...the middle class...has been buried the last four years..." Granted, cou...

More and more details are emerging from a speech Mitt Romney gave at a private fundraiser in Boca Raton in the middle of May of this year. Romney said: "There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. And I mean the president starts off with 48, 49... he starts off with a huge number. Forty-seven percent of Americans pay no income tax. So our message of low taxes doesn't connect. So he'll be out there talking about tax cuts for the rich. I mean, that's what they sell every four years. And so my job is not to  worry about those people. I...

Seriously... These past 2.5 weeks have been a disaster for the Romney campaign. Running mate Paul Ryan made Pinocchio sound like Jesus with all the lying he did during his speech at the Republican National Convention. Clint Eastwood rambled to an empty chair at the RNC for 12 minutes. Romney flip-flopped on healthcare more than Gene Simmons got blown by a complete stranger. Ryan tried explaining his vote for a cut in military spending as a vote for anything other than a cut in military spending. Mitt Romney then accused President Obama of sympathizing with the attackers in Egypt and Libya based on a statement sent from the U.S. Embassy in Cairo of which Obama had no part prior to the attacks. Now a video has been released of Romney saying the following at a closed-door gathering with several large donors on hand: "There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right -- there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent on governmen...

Earlier today, I wrote a blog where I stated that if President Barack Obama made Hillary Clinton his Vice Presidential candidate, he'd be all but guaranteed a victory in November. I also said that I doubted he would make the switch, unless Joe Biden made a horrendous gaffe or got involved in a scandal. What did I read just a few moments ago? A Biden gaffe and the very surprising responses by 2008 Republican Presidential and Vice Presidential nominees John McCain and Sarah Palin, whom said it'd probably be wise that Obama make the before-mentioned Clinton his VP candidate.  What was it Biden said? Speaking to a crowd of African-Americans in Danville, Virginia, the Vice President said, "Unchain Wall Street. They're going to put y'all back in chains." This was met with immediate criticism by the Romney team and Republicans in general, McCain and Palin going so far as to say it'd be wise for President Obama to name Hillary Clinton as his new Vice Presid...