The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

In an unprecedented move, NFL GM Donald Trump has just released all of his team's players and fired all of his coaches. When asked by ESPN NFL analyst John Clayton on the chaos surrounding his team, Mr. Trump said this: "Chaos? What chaos? When I became GM of this team, I said I had the best coaches, the best players, and had 100% confidence in them, and I meant it! I still do; I still do. But while I had the best coaches and the best players before, the ones I'm going to get are even bester, believe me! They're going to be the best of the bestest, even bester than the bestest I had before them! Period! Look, I have no team, but it's the best team, and even if I have to play all four positions on the court at one time, or whatever it is, I'm going to make us great again, that I can promise you; that I can promise you." As the GM began walking away from the ESPN reporter, Clayton asked, "Who are you going after at quarterback?" to which Trump ...

Republican leaders held a press conference today, where they told members of the media and the American people how surprised they were that, after giving a 6-year-old keys to a Mercedes, he got into an accident. Approximately 30 minutes ago, it was reported that 6-year-old Tommy Airbag got into an accident not 10 seconds after Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan gave him the keys to a brand new Mercedes. After Ryan started the car for Tommy, Steve Bannon told the youngster what to do, and Mr. Airbag then proceeded to crash, almost in slow-motion, into a garbage truck, as junk then spilled from the backend of the vehicle. While Tommy wasn't seriously injured, Bannon, McConnell, and Ryan fled from the scene, only to confront the matter after one of the garbagemen recorded them running. McConnell: "This all came as a shock to us. I mean, what was it he Tommy kept saying?" Ryan: "He kept saying, 'I got this. I can drive, believe me....

It's almost here! Beginning tomorrow, March Madness will be on full display, and I can't wait! Since there isn't one or two teams that stand out to me this year, I'm thinking this tournament will be especially crazy (in a good way). Bring on the chaos! How wide open are things this year? I see these 9 teams all having a decent shot and running the table and winning the title: 2 Arizona 2 Duke 1 Gonzaga 1 Kansas 2 Kentucky 2 Louisville 1 North Carolina 3 UCLA 1 Villanova Here are four teams which have the skill and talent to make a run for it as well: 3 Florida State 5 Notre Dame 3 Oregon 4 West Virginia Lastly, here are a couple of potential sleepers: 7 Michigan 6 SMU As far as 1st round upsets go, here are ten games to keep your eyes on: 9 Michigan State over 8 Miami (Florida) 9 Seton Hall over 8 Arkansas 9 Vanderbilt over 8 Northwestern 10 Marquette over 7 South Carolina 10 Virginia Commonwealth over 7 St. Mary's 10 Wichita State ove...

If anyone's interested in providing some aid for the tornado victims in Oklahoma, here's some information on how to do so at the link below, with contact information to the: American Red Cross, Oklahoma Baptist Disaster Relief, Salvation Army, and Feeding America. http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/05/20/18381508-how-to-help-tornado-victims?lite

In terms of national news, it has been a very sad couple of weeks when it comes to gun violence in this country. From former Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Javon Belcher shooting and killing his girlfriend before ending his own life to the mall shooting in Oregon to the elementary school shooting in Connecticut a couple days ago, it has been a very sad couple of weeks. Following each and every one of these tragedies, gun control advocates have been told, "Now's not the time to talk about gun control," while gun enthusiasts have simultaneously been attempting to defend gun rights and usage in this country - some going so far as to insinuate that guns are being unfairly scapegoated. Of all the gun defenses I've heard or read about in recent days, two have to be my favorite. They are: 1) "Think criminals care about gun control? Regardless of the laws, they'll find a way to get a gun and kill as intended." and 2) "Gun control laws won't elimi...

While last night's Big East game between Louisville and Rutgers wasn't actually a conference title game, it played like one - for the winner of the game would in all likelihood represent the conference in a BCS game. Going into the game, neither team was ranked. This will be the start of a trend for such games this weekend, unfortunately. Tonight, we have more quality conference title games than we have all of tomorrow. How many games are being played tonight? Two. In the MAC title game, 21st ranked Northern Illinois will take on 17th ranked Kent State. In the Pac-12, we'll see 16th ranked UCLA face 8th ranked Stanford - yes, for the second time in two weeks. How lame is that? Especially if you're Stanford, having beaten the Bruins 35-17 just a week prior? That brings us to Saturday, where four more conference championships will be played - including: Conference USA: Central Florida vs. Tulsa (neither team is ranked) ACC: #16 Florida State vs. Georgia Tech (the ...