The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I've heard plenty of ridiculous arguments supporting legislation which bars transgenders from using public bathrooms of the gender with which they identify, but none were nearly as asinine as the one I read today. If you don't believe me, read what right-wing talk show host Rick Wiles recently said about the matter: "How about if I just urinate on your floor (Target spokeswoman Molly Snyder)? How about that, Molly? Because you're defecating on this nation. ... Our minds are being capture, Doc, by perverts (directed toward co-host Doc Burkhart). This is what happened in Germany. The Nazis were perverts. They took over Germany. It was a radical, socialist, homosexual movement called the Nazi Socialist Party. They're now in control of America, and sane people better rise up and oppose it quickly. This is just the beginning. ... It's either shut down Target or their type is going to shut down this nation, because there's no end to their insanity and their imm...

What if other workers treated their jobs like Tea Partiers do? (on pages 11-12 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" ) It seems that politicians affiliated with the Tea Party think the government is evil, aren't coy about saying this, and do everything in their power to shut down the government. I've always found this to be a tad odd. First off, why would someone seek a position with a group he or she didn't believe in? Secondly, if this person was hired, why would he or she do everything in their power to shut it down? Can you imagine people in other professions holding a similar philosophy? If these individuals were to earn their jobs through a vote, I imagine their ads would go as follows: Position: Teacher "I'm going to be frank - I don't believe in public education. I never did, as a matter of fact. It's actually my goal to get education abolished entirely. We s...

With regard to a new Nabisco Honey Maid commercial, which showcases a same-sex couple, anti-LGBT rights Pastor Kevin Swanson of Colorado was at it again, as he made the following statements in a Generations Radio broadcast: - "When you come down to things like axe murder or homosexuality and you say, 'We're really going to promote it and we're going to encourage everybody in America to engage in this or at least support this thing,' there will be people on the other side who will take an adamantly opposed position to your support of axe murdering or homosexuality. They will be intolerant -- they will be very intolerant of that which is evil, like axe murdering." - "Maybe they had another family where a dog is the wife with a human husband. Homosexuals love their friends and cannibals love their victims - they taste good." These quotes are so out of whack, I seriously have to wonder if Mr. Swanson was high or drunk at the time of uttering them. ...

"Dr." James David Manning - pastor of the ATLAH Worldwide Missionary Church in Harlem - is making the headlines due to a sign outside his church and a tangent he released via video. On the sign reads this message: "OBAMA HAS RELEASED THE HOMO DEMONS ON THE BLACK MAN. LOOK OUT BLACK WOMAN. A WHITE HOMO MAY TAKE YOUR MAN" That was inspired by the video he released, where he said the following: "This is devastating what Obama is doing to the black man and the black woman, and how the white homo is now moving into the black neighborhoods looking for black men that have been converted to homosexuality. But black woman let me say something to you: you have a very hard time competing against a white heterosexual male. He's usually got money -- a white homo usually has an American Express card. He usually has an opportunity at the theater -- homos love the theater. They love to go out to dinners, parties, they love that kind of a thing... black people need to...

After the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) ruled to allow openly gay scouts, televangelist Pat Robertson had some interesting choice words about the decision. On his show, The 700 Club , Robertson responded to the BSA's decision with this: "It breaks your heart to see the Boy Scouts...torn up in order to accommodate a few kids that want to do sex with each other." Yes, Robertson is known as a natural poet in most corners of the world. When asked by the pastor of his wedding, "Do you...," Robertson likely responded with, "Do I what? Do the sex?" Robertson likely got into trouble at school for writing a dirty short story in English class, one that contained numerous grammatical errors. The title of the story was probably something along the lines of, "We Did The Sex." Perhaps Robertson's next venture should be to open an adult store by the name of "Doing Sex As God Intended." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/11/boy-sco...

Former Green Bay Packers safety LeRoy Butler was scheduled to give an anti-bullying presentation at a church in Wisconsin this summer, but it appears as if his speech has been canceled, which Butler explained in a series of tweets. These tweets stated the following: "Wow, I was schedule to speak at a church in WI, and a member said that the pastor wants to cancel my event, I said ok why? Then I was told, because I said congrats to Jason Collins on twitter, I said really? we have a contract, he said check the moral cause. FYI the fee was 8500$, then I was told if i removed the tweet, and apologize and ask god forgiveness, I can have the event, I said no." A bit later, he tweeted this: "I found out what happened, I guess some parents went to the church and complained about my tweet for support of Jason Collins, so sad." Allegedly, when Butler went to the pastor to try and resolve the situation by saying, "We agree to disagree," the pastor responded w...

When I awoke this morning, I thought to myself, "Magicians and pastors have quite a bit in common." I must have had a very strange, yet thought-provoking dream, so profound that I can't remember it. The more I thought about this, the more I laughed. While magicians are masters of illusion and deception, at least they have something to show for it at the end. Can you imagine if a pastor treated his sermon like a magician? Pastor Whyuhere: "Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for the ultimate magic trick? I can guarantee that you will have never seen anything like this! Get ready!!! In my hands, I hold a book, and not just any book - The Bible...book. Within this book, it guarantees that regardless of how many times you mess up while here, so long as you ask Jesus for forgiveness and believe he's the son of God and was perfect before sacrificing himself for our sins, you will... Are you ready? Who here believes in Jesus? Who here wants to know what will happen ...

So, I just read that according to the pastor of the Cowboy Church of Virginia - Raymond Bell - stroking horses can "cure" people of their homosexuality.  Yes, this is why while riding on and stroking their horses in "Brokeback Mountain," Jake Gy llenhaal and Heath Ledger constantly gave each other the classic "why-can't-I-quit-you" look. It's rumored that Mr. Bell also believes the following: That walking dogs can cure one of cancer, that swimming with dolphins can rid one of herpes, and that doing a duet with a T-Rex can bring about world peace. Scientists now firmly believe that speaking to the pastor of the Cowboy Church of Virginia will diminish one's intelligence. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/29/raymond-bell-cowboy-church-of-virginia-horses-gay_n_2381028.html

Setting: Sunday school (9th-12th grade) at the church of Holy Hell! Jesus Rocks! Pastor Malarkey: "When this nation was down, Ronald Reagan flew up to the heavens, and spoke with Jesus. He tried convincing our lord and savior to grant him special powers. After the two talked things over for 79 minutes over some strawberry daiquiris and buffalo wings, Jesus granted the president those special powers. These special powers included being able to: Heal the sick, feed the hungry, talk very well, fly, and all sorts of other things. He was even given  a magical wand, which could transform into a tank, cap gun or clown to destroy or frighten dragons, especially the ones in Florida. This helped him save this great country and in essence, the world. So you see kids, Ronald Reagan was a lot like Jesus. Please tell your parents to vote Republican next Tuesday. The end." Jake: "Wow! That's amazing! That really happened?" Malarkey: "I cross my heart." ...

Yeah, that's right. I love what the pastor said when approached about this. Reverend William Collier said that he wasn't a racist, but that "the white race is God's chosen people." The founder of the church, Mel Lewis, complained that the uproars this year shows a disrespect for religious liberty. ...and yes, the KKK will be attending this year... Yeah, Jesus was Jewish. If there were a chosen people, wouldn't it be Jews? If we don't want to look at it that way, wouldn't everyone be God's "chosen people"? People amaze me with such idiotic comments and then they hide behind their distorted version of their religion to say they're not a racist and then attempt to turn the tables and say it's the people calling them out that are against free speech/religion/diversity. According to Collier and the like, the hymn goes something like this: "Jesus loves the little children, All the children of the world, White and white, w...